to think expecting a 9yo ds to care for 4 and 2 yo dds while you recover from a severe hangover is out of order?

[thecaptaincrocfamily]

Went out for a night with friends when someone I know did this. I was ? DH was working.

She got up at midday and when I said oh ' did DH give them breakfast?' she didn't know!

YABU

Its a bit crap but unless its a frequent event I wouldn't think the children would be bothered by a few hours doing their own thing.
Imagine she had been in bed til 12 because she came down with flu...
Its not really about the kids is it? Its that she's beahved a bit irresponsibly. I'd probably join you in a bit of v mild judging over that - but I dont think there's any need to be overly concerned for the welfare of the children.

Its not the only thing thats happened so really this is something else. She also had nobody to care for DCs as youngest was in hospital with DH and she was going to leave other 2 in car while she was at work on a very cold day so I offered to have them instead.

Seems a bit odd but I remember being left in the car with my siblings, a packet of crisps and a bottle of orange juice for the morning quite often.
Times have changed though and while it probably wouldn't do them any harm it's quite unusual. Perhaps she just has very well behaved, mature kids .
YABU to be so shocked I think.

My ds was ill lastweek and i took him, in his jammies/dressing gown in the car to chemist to pick up medicine. Parked right outside the chemist, ran in and grabbed it, was 10 seconds i kid you not, and a traffic warden was about to write a ticket. I showed her the meds, ds in jammies looking ill and she said i wont ticket you as i hadnt started but you are breaking the law leaving child in the car

For ten seconds, in full view of me in the shop.

So i was a ball of jelly for rest of day, and this one is thinking of leaving them in the car to work?

Personally i wouldn't want to leave a 9 year old in charge of such young children. If your friend was in the house with them though, then I think you are being a bit U if it's a one off.

at it being illegal to leave them in the car........I do it every time I fill up with petrol! Is it really against the law?

If she was in the house and could have been woken up and functioned in a case of emergency, then I don't see the irresponsibility. What would be wrong would be if this happened on a regular basis, ie if the mother had an alcohol problem and the 9yo had to become a substitute mother. But if we're just talking the occasional lie-in (for whatever reason), then that hardly seems like a problem. Why would a 9yo need an adult to give them breakfast?

Personally I think it is incredibly selfish and irresponsible to get so pissed you are severely hungover then next day, when you know are going to be in sole charge of small children.

I just don't get why some people think this is okay. If you are genuinely ill with bad flu/cold/migraine, it is hell trying to look after babies and toddlers when you feel like you can't even get out of bed. So why would you deliberately inflict this on yourself?

Now I wouldn't say it's ideal to let young children know you are so pissed you can't get out of bed and it's not a scenario I'd be keen on myself.

But otoh the hell of looking after babies and toddlers when ill should not be the same if there is a responsible 9yo in the house. I don't drink, but I might well treat myself to the occasional lie-in under those circumstances if I had younger children ("ds, take the little ones down and bring them breakfast please"). My 9yo was perfectly capable of bringing me cups of tea in bed and sorting out simple meals: it would hardly count as child labour to look after younger siblings once in a while. My Mum was teetotal, but found mornings very difficult and often had migraines: we looked after younger siblings, no problem. A 9yo is not a baby!

Are children really this closetted these days!?

For the entirety of human existance it was the respnsibility of older siblings to look after the younger ones.

There was an adult in the house.

If I had a 9 yo who wasn't capable of making themselves and 2 others' breakfasts then I'd think they had some kind of developemntal problem.

Not giving children any responsibility is very damaging in the long-run.

YABU, if this is not a regular occurence than fine. The mum was in the house, so even if she was very ill at least there is an adult there. I have had to look after dd when I have had really bad D&V and not well at all, no different to a hangover. Dh was at work.

We regularly have lie ins at the weekend (not usually due to hangovers though, I should be so lucky to do anything that might result in a hangover these days... ) and my older two DS's get themselves and their younger brother breakfast and keep an eye on him. Even if I am up they usually at least get their own breakfast, they are quite capable. As long as this woman hasn't got a drink problem and gets so drunk she is hungover regularly, I also don't see the problem.

The car thing is a different story, I can't imagine doing that myself, and I wouldn't leave my 9 year old in charge in the car whilst I went into the supermarket, let alone to work. We don't know the circumstances though and maybe she had to work as they needed the money, maybe her work is something that doesn't involve leaving them in the car miles from her workplace all day, but her popping in and out of the car. I am also gobsmacked that a 'friend' would not offer to have the children in the first place if a friend of theirs had one child in hospital and was juggling work and two other children before it came to her having to consider leaving them in the car.

YABU
I'm not a big drinker but I accidently drunk a lot last friday and spent the day on the sofa whilst the children amused themselves. DH was at work.
I don't think it hurts once in a while and she was in the house, she didn't abandon them.

As a one-off I would be a bit judgy but it's not a disaster, and I'm assuming she wasn't so completely unconscious that she couldn't be woken up if there had been a problem?

DS is 5 and normally gets breakfast for himself and 2yo DD (I am up, but I think it's good for him to have a bit of responsibility).

If it were a regular occurrence or part of a general pattern of behaviour then I might be more concerned. And in the case of the car thing I'd be very concerned (unless she was just trying it on in an attempt to get you to offer to have them, rather than actually intending to leave them in the car, in which case I'd just be pissed off).

what foreverastudent said.

YABU

I have been in similar situ, drank too much without realising or planning to.
Was very ill next day.

DS1 aged 9 had to fend for himself for much of the day whilst I lay feeling like the world worst mother on the settee.

Rofl at "I accidently drunk a lot" mrsruffallo!

My DS is 3 and a non-sleeper, DD is 10 and we have deliberately kept them from sharing bedrooms so she can function normally at school or wherever. So he is in with us. DH has to drive and I have to watch DS and we're the ones being disturbed several times a night but we wanted a baby so it's our lookout.

Sometimes when my daughter comes home from school and before DH comes home I rest my eyes upstairs for an hour with safety gates and safe craft-stuff / CBeebies deployed

It's my low-ebb time of day, always has been. I can't say that I actually "sleep" and would certainly be on hand for any emergency but I do worry about it.

Then again, DD is perfectly sensible and DS is quite manageable at home. It's tricky, depends...

Have been in that situation through illness - DS1 and I had D&V, DH abroad. DS2, then aged 3 got the baby her bottle, and himself some biscuits (conferring with me) and was very proud of himself for saving the day.

OK I am being unreasonable but I have to say that leaving kids in the car would mean a childminder losing her registration. Nipping in a petrol station is very different from working for 3 hrs leaving them in it unattended.

Her DD is not responsible at 4 for her safety and could easily get out of the car onto a car park. Children under 7 cannot judge distance of moving vehicles and therefore this is imo dangerous.

Having had a 3yo who snuck downstairs at 630am to make us breakfast in bed, including microwaving hot water, I do not trust young children to be unattended - she could have been burnt by the toaster or scalded - luckily she used oven gloves to get toast out but could have easily opted for a knife and been electrocuted! A 9 yo will not constantly be aware of the mischief a small child is up to, or pre-emp what could happen, therefore leaving them unattended is dangerous imo.

Illness, being awake and in the same room is also very different from being asleep for 3 hrs upstairs imo.

My 6 year old always makes breakfast for all the children, and has done for a couple of years. She even makes porridge for anyone who wants it!

As long as there is an adult in the house it's fine I think.

Well i love a good lie in at the weekend esspecially if DH is off ..and my DDs 8 and 6 make their own breakfast (including microwave) whilst watching dodgy t.v ..Nickelodeon etc...DD1 has even made cereal for her dad...its different if they are left alone...