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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want my dd to be able to have Desmopressin

52 replies

thecaptaincrocfamily · 20/07/2010 00:28

DD is 4.5yo and has been dry during the day since 20mths

There is a family history of bedwetting until age 12yrs.

The continence nurse specialist said that for lots of girls who stop at this age it is hormone related so would not stop with other methods.

I have tried lifting, voiding before bed, limiting fluid before bed but pushing daytime intake. She has had 2 dry nights in her lifetime and is now saying she will never be dry She is bright enough to know she ought to be and it is affecting her self-esteem

OP posts:
mumdrivenmad · 20/07/2010 04:31

I have twin boys who are 10 and have always wet the bed, so whilst I can understand where you are coming from, I was told that nothing would be done until they were at least seven. They were both dry in the day at around 18 months. Have seen the school nurse and done everything that was recommended, still no change. I have been pressurised into getting my boys put onto desmopressin. I didn't want to go down the route of drugs because of what I had found out about them, but reluctantly gave them a shot. One boy has had 4 dry nights and the other one has had 12 dry nights in nearly three months, and the doctor says they can only have three months worth. Not sure if this is helpful, but do look into the possible side effect of the drug

macdoodle · 20/07/2010 07:12

4 is very very young, I think you are adding to the problem....
"She is bright enough to know she ought to be and it is affecting her self-esteem"
the only way she will know this is if you are making her feel like this

I think you need to take a huge step back and stop putting so much pressure on her, as a GP I really wouldnt want to take it further ie meds/alarm any time before 6 or 7

I know its a hassle but its very common!

YABU

sapphireblue · 20/07/2010 07:14

TBH I think you're being U to expect her to be dry at 4.5. It's considered normal to bedwet until the age of 7. As for affecting her self esteem......where has she gotten the idea that bedwetting isn't the norm at her age? If it's from you then it's you who's affecting her self esteem, not wetting the bed.

sapphireblue · 20/07/2010 07:15

x-post with mac

juuule · 20/07/2010 07:21

YABU.
As others have said, it's not unusual at this age.

Maybe have a look at the ERIC website to find out more

Also, one of ERICs leaflets worth a look.

Wilts · 20/07/2010 07:23

I agree with macdoodle and Sapphire- Ds2 is almost 8 and still wet at night. He was not referred to enuresis clinic until late last year.

It is really not the end of the world that she is not dry yet.

mysteryfairy · 20/07/2010 07:47

My DSs were prescribed demopressin at 11 and 10 years old by the enuresis clinic - the intention was only to use it on school trips etc. One read of the leaflet and there was no way I was willing to risk them taking the drug. I was concerned they might absentmindedly drink after taking it or come to some other harm from it.

They both grew out of bedwetting naturally before hitting teen years.

It is very very normal for a four year old to still be wet at night. Like your DD all my children were totally reliably dry in the day before turning two - I don't think that has much bearing on night time.

If your daughter has only had two dry nights ever I would put her in pull ups at night - sounds much less stressful for all. The fact that they come in packets labelled 4-7 and 7-11 should help to reassure your daughter they are something lots of children her age use.

If it is any consolation my DD was dry at night much earlier than my DSs - she stopped wearing pull ups in reception and was dry at that point. I was fully expecting things to be just as difficult as with her brothers based on family history. The turning point for your daughter could also be not that far ahead.

JustBeachy · 20/07/2010 07:57

My DD is 5 and wears pull-ups at night as do many of her friends. Her room is on 2nd floor and bathroom on 1st so I am not trying to train her otherwise until she says she is ready. Stop stressing. She is only 4!

stressedHEmum · 20/07/2010 09:09

All of my 5 wet the bed until well after this. DS1 and 3 grew out of it naturally at about 12, DS2 and DD about 8 and DS4 is 7 and is almost never dry at night. He still wears drynites, it's not a problem.

4 is very young and lots of kids aren't dry at night at that age. You need to step back a bit and be less stressed, it only makes it worse for your DD if you make some kind of deal out of bed wetting. If I were you, I'd stick her in drynites and forget about it. My doctor once told me, a long time ago, that I should only take a child out of night time nappies/pj pants once they had been dry for a week in a row and even then that there would be nights when they might not be dry. If a child can't be dry for 7 nights in a row, then they are not ready to be dry at night, simple as that. Our GP surgery won't even address bedwetting unless it continues beyond the age of 10.

I would steer well clear of desmopressin or other medical intervention stuff. Most children grow out of bed wetting when they are ready. They key is not to make an issue of it so that they child doesn't feel under pressure.

GiddyPickle · 20/07/2010 09:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lancelottie · 20/07/2010 09:38

DS tried Desmopressin when he was still wetting at 11. It gave him:

Headaches
Nausea
Stomach cramps
Blurred vision
Extreme thirst
and a daytime wetting problem.

We weren't keen to continue with it!

ScarlettCrossbones · 20/07/2010 09:54

Am really surprised that you expect her to be dry at night by 4.5. My DS is 5.3 and has also had only a couple of dry nights in his life. It makes no difference to either of us ? one pullup each 24 hours hardly breaks the bank, and he just says "I still wear a pullup at night because I'm a deep sleeper." No issue whatsoever as far as I'm concerned ? neither of us are remotely bothered that his little sister has been dry day and night since January (aged 2.5).

Think you're creating a problem where there isn't one.

"She is bright enough to know she ought to be and it is affecting her self-esteem"

Who says she "ought to be"? As far as I know, docs won't refer until they are 7?

ShadeofViolet · 20/07/2010 09:57

I agree with Scarlett - lots of children should be dry at night at 4? My DS1 wasnt and it wasnt a massive problem. We just used pull-ups until he was 5.2.

GypsyMoth · 20/07/2010 10:01

what do you mean by 'a family history'??

crisproll · 20/07/2010 10:20

My DS has only started being dry regularly at night in the last 6 months and he has just turned 8. I used dry nites until he was 5 and also tried to restrict drinks before bedtime etc. There was no pressure on him from me but I know he felt a bit of pressure at his dad`s. If there is a family history of bed wetting it may be a good idea to share it with your DD. I just had a chat when my DS got upset along the lines of - you know that lots of children wet their bed and both mummy and daddy did too. He actually found this quite funny and it did help. It is hard I know, especially if they are dry during the day. If you can, try to take the pressure off yourself, treat it as a normal, every day occurence and wait.....You do have my sympathies!

sdr · 20/07/2010 11:06

My DS is still wet most nights at 5.5 and my DN was until she was 7. Don't make a fuss about it, put her back into pull-ups at night for the time being. If she is worried, just tell her that lots of children her age still need the help of a pull-up. Just make it no big deal.

Morloth · 20/07/2010 11:16

YABU to want to give her a drug for something that is no big deal, just whack her in a pullup until shet gets it.

DS was in in the day from around 3 but wet at night until just on his 5th birthday - we still have the occasional accident at 6.

DS has no self esteem issues and knows that if he wets he just needs to let us know and we will help him, there is no issue.

Morloth · 20/07/2010 11:17

Shocking typing there - am feeding baby.

midori1999 · 20/07/2010 11:27

My DSS is 13, still wets the bed almost every night and has no self esteem issues about it, so I would agree with the others that it is how you deal with the problem that effects self esteem, not the bed wetting itself. (personally, I think DSS should be made to take more responsibility for his bedwetting, and professionals would seem to agree with me, but that's an aside)

Desmopressin will only help if lack of naturally produced anti-diuretic hormone is the cause of bedwetting. Certainly in DSS's case it didn't work.

I also agree with the others that you should just relax about it all, at 4 1/2 it's really no big deal and as has been said, the medical profession won't consider it a problem until at least aged 7.

olderandwider · 20/07/2010 11:44

There is some evidence that hypnotherapy can help a child become dry at night here. Worth a try?

pranma · 20/07/2010 11:45

My dgd still wet the bed most nights at 6.By 7 she had stopped on her own-no pressure-just pullups in her room and her choice whether or not to wear them.
i'd leave her for at least a year and reassure her that it doesnt matter.
Dgs will be 4 in September and has never had a dry night!

shergar · 20/07/2010 12:07

Why give a drug that mimics a pituitary hormone, with all of its potential risks and side effects, to a child who is 4 and well within the normal age range for still not being dry at night?! YABVU, and need to get some Pull-Ups and relax about it all. Seriously.

GiddyPickle · 20/07/2010 13:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MumNWLondon · 20/07/2010 13:37

My DS1 is same age. Has been dry in the day since 2 and pull up soaked every morning, even if I lift him or restrict bedtime drinks.

I don't make a big deal out of it or talk about it, and I wouldn't consider even mentioning it to GP until 7.

I buy the pull ups and take out of pack and put in his drawer, he puts them on himself and takes it off in the morning and puts it in the bin himself. Hardly a huge cost.

My DD on the other hand was totally dry at night by her third birthday.

Sorry but I think YABVU to want your DD to take a drug which as other posters has side effects for this.

As for it affecting her self esteem, sorry thats your fault, as its normal at age 4.

musicposy · 20/07/2010 14:15

I'd second what everyone has said on here. My DD1 was given desmopressin at the age of 7. It made her very ill and made her behaviour quite unmanageable (she was usually a really good child but desmopressin can do this) and it also made her wet in the day. We came off it pretty quickly. Also, it isn't a cure. The wetting recurs the minute you leave it off. So, whilst it can be useful for sleepovers, it's not really a permanent solution.

We were at the enuresis clinic for years. We tried star charts, medication, you name it. In the end, when everything they'd tried had failed, they started talking about psychological counselling. I thought they were making way too big a deal of it so I told them she was dry at night even though she wasn't to be rid of the clinic. I made the decision to put her in pull ups and forget all about it. She grew out of it at the age of 9 all on her own. I look back now and wonder what all those wretched 2 weekly appointments and star charts were for.

Pull ups at night are no big deal. I'd just forget all about it, especially as she is so young. Point out to her that lots of children her age - and very much older - will be in the same position so there is nothing to feel upset or ashamed of.

DD2 was dry at night before the age of 3, years before her elder sister , which added to DD1 feeling pressured. But I just think it's how you're made and stressing won't change that. It was hard for DD1, who like your DD, thought she would never be dry. But she was, and yours will be too.