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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think that a funeral is the WORST PLACE EVER for a 'spiritualist' to predict the death of a family member?

36 replies

Blottedcopybook · 19/07/2010 21:45

My wee Gran is physically disabled and has recently become a lot more infirm as she's had a couple of falls which have frightened her and so my sister acts as her carer now.

My StepDad's sister (who was the exact same age as my Gran is) died last week and her funeral was today. My sister and I left the wake for an hour to go and visit my Gran and when we got back my Mum told me that her sister in law - a self-confessed spiritualist - had told her she saw my Gran having three months.

Now, I don't believe in spiritualism although my Mum does but EVEN SO. Am I being unreasonable to be completely raging that my Mum who has spent the last few weeks caring for her sister in law and arranging her funeral is now panicking that her Mum is on the cusp of expiring?!

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 19/07/2010 21:48

Noooooooooooooooooo! That is beyond awful. It's just . What a nasty piece of work

Katisha · 19/07/2010 21:50

Is she generally barking? I would be wantinng to have a Bit of a Word with her.
But I suppose she thinks she's justified.

Al1son · 19/07/2010 21:52

I think some stern words are in order for this spiritualist relative, perhaps suggesting that her own demise could be imminent if she doesn't make amends straight away and then keep her doom laden thoughts to herself in future.

Hassled · 19/07/2010 21:56

Bloody hell. Does the spiritualist SIL have previous? Your poor mother.

StealthPolarBear · 19/07/2010 21:57

think Al1son has the right idea
What a load of crap these people talk

rupert22 · 19/07/2010 22:01

I have been told by several good spiritualists that its not on for them to see or predict death, they are seldom shown it.

I think she is to be ignored. Anyone can hazard a guess that old ladies might not have long left to live.

jesuswhatnext · 19/07/2010 22:09

she is not a spiritualist - she is a nasty old cow! ime, a person who really believes in spiritualism would never make such a ridiculous, hurtful frightening pronouncement!

prozacfairy · 19/07/2010 22:23

Hope no one tells your gran!

Like rupert said, anyone can make a guess as to how long a frail old lady might have left. My gran was in hospital all last christmas with Cdiff and loads of morbid old sods were placing their bets while she was holed up in ICU.

They were all wrong though shes 87 and happy to be back home. Minus most of her bowel/colon.

Ignore the mad old moo!

Original poster
Blottedcopybook · 19/07/2010 22:41

Katisha - thankfully she's not someone I see regularly but she does have form for interfering and predictions which are distinctly distasteful.

Al1son - Thankfully I don't see her with regularity but my Mum does, and is unlikely to tell her to shove her predictions.

Hassled - She does have previous when my Grandad was having chemotherapy.

prozacfairy - Yeah me too!

I've just heard some more fodder for the "she's crackers" camp. My sister had her 20 week scan an hour before the funeral and discovered the baby is a boy. She called my Mum who told my stepdad who then told the spiritualist sister in law. So, when she told my Mum she saw my Gran having 3 months she also told her she could see someone called Alan - and then, told my sister to say she was considering the name Alan for the baby "as a joke".

The more I think about this, the more I'm vying away from she's a bit weird to she's a raging psycho.

OP posts:
AnyFuleKno · 19/07/2010 22:45

There is no such thing as a good spiritualist.

This woman owes your family an apology. She is a charlatan

rupert22 · 19/07/2010 22:50

There are indeed many good spiritualists but she aint one,

Nemofish · 19/07/2010 23:20

I know some lovely spiritualists, no of whom would ever behave in that way, it's beyond awful.

Antother vote here for A Stern Talking To. And as her who that robed figure in the corner of the room is, yes that's him, with the scythe, he keeps beckoning to you, dear Sil...

Chil1234 · 20/07/2010 06:58

If your grandmother is old and frail then she might only have a few more months left. Get to a certain age - like your mum - and you go to more funerals than you do weddings or christenings. Death is top of mind. Your own death, other people's deaths. Who will be next? etc. Your mother and sister-in-law are having the sort of conversation that a lot of people have when there's a bereavement.... the spritualism is irrelevant.

ShadeofViolet · 20/07/2010 07:04

True Spiritualists cant (or wont) predict death, she sounds like a nutjob and a nasty one at that.

Original poster
Blottedcopybook · 20/07/2010 07:06

I should probably have made it clear that I come from a family of child-brides. I'm 28, Mum is 47, Gran is 76. Older certainly but not really old by today's standards.

OP posts:
ReasonableDoubt · 20/07/2010 07:14

What a horrible woman.

Chil1234 · 20/07/2010 07:18

Even so, when you have people in the family in their seventies and eighties - and not in the best of health - you do wonder how long they have left. 'I give her three months' is a poor taste conversation, admittedly, but it's a pretty normal one. I remember, at a family funeral, an old friend of the family in her seventies struck up a lively conversation with me along the lines of 'I wonder what it'll be that kills me?'

If your mother is distressed then she should say so to the sister-in-law.

Original poster
Blottedcopybook · 20/07/2010 07:55

'I give her three months' is horrible but what actually happened was in the middle of a conversation about my Gran the spiritualist sister in law stopped, looked dramatic and struck by the spirits and whispered, "I've just seen three months."

Mum won't say to her because she believes in all that stuff.

OP posts:
pluperfect · 20/07/2010 08:05

"Mum won't say to her because she believes in all that stuff. "

Bollocks to what she believes. Does she not "believe" that you can have your Inner Eye open and your gob shut at the same time?

PortBlacksand · 20/07/2010 08:15

Oh i hate this...

In DinnerLadies there was a character who was 'spiritual' and just used it as an excuse to be really horrible and undermine people until the Victoria Wood character pulled her up on it. I sat there going "Yes, Yes - i know people like her"

Original poster
Blottedcopybook · 20/07/2010 08:29

Plu I totally agree with you!

OP posts:
debz1935 · 20/07/2010 09:48

my mum who had a dream about a car crash and nobody walked away had predicted my daughters death even though she didnt know who it was she saw a car the colour and a coffin she hadnt told me but had sed sumthing to my bro thinking it cid have been him as he had a black car but wen the police came to my door and i had to phone my mum she thought shed told me but like i sed to her i wasnt to know as it wS HER TIME TO GO AND IT HAS BEEN 3 YRS since she passed and they tell u so much and that is it hun

ZZZenAgain · 20/07/2010 09:51

I don't understand you Deb.

Your mother predicted that your dd would die in acar crash in a black car - and she did?

SolidGoldBrass · 20/07/2010 09:51

Debz: Perfect argument for the intelligence of people who take that sort of thing seriously. Thanks.

OP your SIL is either a con artist or a nut job. THe third category of woo-peddler - the deluded but sincere type, simply wouldn't behave like this.

gagamama · 20/07/2010 10:05

She sounds like an attention-seeking nutjob with delusions of grandiosity. YANBU. IMO there is never a time or a place to predict someone's death, but a funeral in the presence of the person's relatives would definitely be one of the worst possible ones.