In thinking she may have more control over this than she lets on?

[TheRealPerson]

Before I start, some of you will know who I am and I apologise for another post on my DSD but I was hoping for some insight into a problem she has. I'm not trolling, just looking for some advice. (I am still leaving my DP but can't just ignore what happens here until I leave).

Bacially as I have posted before, she has a problem with wetting the bed. She's 13 and has always wet the bed. Usually every night, sometimes less often but always more than twice a week.

She has been involved with doctors and the hospital who cannot find anything wrong with her.

I think I have sorted out the hygiene thing (she never used to get a shower and would go to school smelling of urine) which has changed dramatically but still she wets the bed almost everynight.

What I don't understand is, when she went on a school residential trip for a week, she didn't seem concerned at all about wetting the bed which I found odd and low and behold - she was magically dry all week.

As soon as she comes back, she wets the bed almost every night again.

Whenever she sleeps at a friends house or if a friend stays here, she's always dry and has never had an accident.

If she sleeps at a relatives house, she is always dry.

Out of curiosity once, I suggested to DP that he gives her an incentive to stay dry and so he decided to give her a chocolate bar for each night that she was dry. Needless to say, as soon as this incentive started, she was dry almost every night. When he got "Bored" of treating her everynight and stopped, she started wetting the bed again.

What really got me is that last week, DP was rushed into hospital and had to be kept in for a week. DSD was dry EVERY night that he was away (a full week) and as soon as he comes back, she starts wetting the bed again.

DP is furiously sensitive about the whole thing and won't have it said that she could be doing this on purpose. I feel bad considering the fact that she COULD have more control over it but surely if you have a genuine bladder problem, it wouldn't be such a convienient one?? The cynic in me thinks she's doing for attention or at least some of it. (She is constantly thinking up attention seeking illnesses and actually gets excited at the prospect of going to hospital with her dad).

AIBU for even thinking this? if not, what should I do because DP just won't accept any discussion of it.

Please don't accuse me of trolling, I've admitted who I am, but it doesn't make the problems from before go away. Thanks.

hi the realperson....remember you from before....the boxy stuff etc,and the posts of late too.

no advice for you....just wanted to say good on you for trying to help dsd...wish you well

Whatever the reasons are for bedwetting at this age whether it be something she can't control (don't sound that way) or something she can control presumably for attention, she deserves sympathy not judgement.

I'd definately go to NSPCC for advice. My sister is 16 so bit older but if at 13 she was acting this way I'd me freaking out worrying about her.

If this lot are such a bunch of weirdos why have you hung about for so long? I'd have run screaming in opposite direction a fair few incidents back!

I'm fairly new and can't remember reading any of your other posts so sorry if that sounds really blunt I dont mean to seem rude.

When are you leaving as it seems you have been in this place a long time and yet, you are still with him?

All the children in the house will suffer with an atmosphere like that.

As I posted earlier, I do not think you have come on here out of concern for this child. But rather to..what? Moan, vent, judge... I don't know. If you can do one thing with this poor girl's welfare in mind contact social services as you've said you might.

I couldn't read this thread and not post.

Please get your DSD some help. I was abused and showed a lot of attention seeking behaviour in hope that someone would ask me what was wrong so I didn't have to say myself.I did some of the things you have described.I was never asked or helped until I plucked up the courage to get help myself. I would hate to think that that is the situaton here.

Maybe that is nt what's going on but better to get help and make sure.

Do you think it is possible at all that she wets the bed at home because there is some sort of tension there and not on her residential because she was more comfortable amongst her peers than she is at home?

It doesn't have to be sexual abuse (other kind of emotional trauma or mental health problems can present in a similar way), but it certainly is something.

Can you not see that if a 13yo needs to think up such humiliating ways of drawing attention to herself, then she needs help?

I have a 13yr old DD and this is definitely worrying behaviour. No way would she wet the bed on 'purpose' or for attention.

It does most certainly seem as if the lack of hygiene, eating issues etc are self destructive behaviours. At the very least, she hates herself for some reason.

Please, please get her some help. I

If you are splitting with the father anyway, can you not talk to her school counsellor to bring it to their attention if not social services. Brings me to tears to think of a young girl living like that .

No matter how annoying and "weird" you say your DP's family are, for goodness sake your DSD is a child with obvious signs of severe problems. She needs help and support, not to be moaned about or called weird.

If it truly is sexual abuse then this poor kid will need a lot of love, treatment and support, not judgement and hard words from her (albeit soon to be separated) step mother.

Please phone SS (even anonymously) and get your DSD the help she desperately needs if it's the last thing you do. Please.

Agree with everyone else - very, very odd. Get advice from NSPCC or GP

Why are you still posting on this thread and not asking the obvious questions to the right people ????
Some of the information you have given tells me you know the answers and alarm bells have already rung for you. Advocate for this child and do something like a parent should, ignore it and you are contributing!

Not read whole thread but the problem seems to be your DP.

Do you think some thing may have happened.

Having read your thread and I can see absolutely no concern whatsoever for your SD. I see lots of criticism of her behaviour, what she wears, how she talks, her manipulation of her dad and the tone that resonates from that is very harsh considering that there may be something seriously nasty going on her life.

I don't think you believe for one minute that something horrible may be happening to her. If anyone with presence of mind had the slightest concern they would go through the proper channels and not mess about with ringing a mate in social services.

Even if there is no sexual or emotional abuse going on the girl clearly has some issues that need professionally addressing, not a judgemental adult who criticises her at every opportunity.

The title of your thread, your opening post and every post since show no warmth at all towards her. You state you want to leave the "freakshow" that is going on around you and that shouts volumes about how you view your SD.

If it the last thing you do at least pass on your concerns to somebody who will take them seriously and get her the help she needs. It would appear that in your mind you are already out of that situation.

I do think that people are being a bit too judgy and unfair to the OP. She has posted on here for advice about DSD even though she's leaving because 'she can't just ignore what's going on'. She has also said that she will speak to her friend who works in social services for advice.

As a children's social worker this reads like so many of the sexual abuse cases I have seen. PLEASE phone your local ss dept. tomorrow and insist on speaking to the duty sw to catalogue your concerns, don't be fobbed off with a ring back or leaving a message. State who you are and that you live in the house but ask to remain anonymous. The key things I'd suggest from this thread only would be the bedwetting only when her father is around and sexualised behaviour as well as the mother's attitude to men (and seeming expectation her daughter will be used and abused at some point in her life - makes me wonder if mum knew something nasty was happening between father and daughter years ago). Abuse, especially sexual is cyclic, please try and stop this cycle.

I haven't read the whole thread and don't know your history, but having read the OP, sexual abuse screamed out at me too. Help this poor child, please.

All sounds very I think whatever might be going on or not going on, she would benefit from some kind of expert guidance. Poor girl.

Maybe the abuser (whatever kind of abuse the poor girl is suffering) isn't your DP.

Could you please at least tell someone so that someone can do something? Even if you know more than you have said already, or there are things that you don't want to say, you need to protect this little girl. If you don't, and I'm sure you know there is some abuse going on, it makes you guilty too.

Please don't let her suffer any more. Either call SS tomorrow or for god's sake CAT someone with her details so someone else can.

Even emailing someone (school, for example) in the position to help her would be a start.

If you do nothing then I think you would and should feel very guilty for the rest of your life. You are probably already feeling guilty for writing about her in such an unsupportive way, and because you have known for a long time that she needs help. The guilt will get worse over time. Please stop this abuse now, or you are to blame too.

I don't know any of the backstory here and wouldn't want you to ignore signs of abuse, but the bedwetting can simply happen when a person is sleeping too deeply to wake up and use the bathroom.

My brother was a serious bedwetter (admittedly not until age 13) and the doctor said that this problem would not happen when he slept over with friends because a person never sleeps as deeply at a different house as at home. This fits with your story as well -- the girl is dry when she is away from home. I would think that the nights when her father was away in hospital would also mean she sleeps less deeply.

Definitely seek help if you suspect abuse but keep in mind there may be a simpler explanation to the scenario you've described.

I think you need to get her a referral to your local CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service) team via her GP

I spoke to DH about this and gave very few details and even he, not the most perceptive man in the world, said abuse immediately.

Please OP do tell us when you have taken the right/some action.

Agree with catmother

^I don't know who you are but the GLARING factor here seems to be your DP .... when he's there she wets the bed, when he's not (or she's elsewhere) she doesn't.

This would be ringing BIG alarm bells for me ... gut feeling is that she's scared of him. Question is - why^

My god daughter had a wetting problem, didn't stop til she was 14, nothing physically wrong & they tried everything to stop it. She used to stay at mine = dry. At friends = dry, school trips = dry!

However, she had a very emotionally abusive relationship with her mum! As soon as she was away from her, it stopped!

If she's 13, can't she just be taught how to change her own sheets if she does wet the bed, and then instructed to do this by herself without bothering you should the need arise.

Is she still in the boxroom though?

Seriously, how is this different from the stuff you were posting a year ago? Either its sick trolling or you have lived there all this time and done NOTHING. You have known about all these problems for a long time, and have done nothing, except make it worse.

Expect another post from this person in a few weeks time

Same old shit, different day

If OP is real, she deserves to be strung up for not insisting this girl gets some help.