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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at 5 yr old dd for the content of her school report

51 replies

GooseyLoosey · 19/07/2010 11:12

Actually, I rather think that I am, but would appreciate some perspective.

Dd has just finished Yr 1, but is the youngest in the yr and still only 5. In her school report she got 2b for literacy and numeracy. Great - very proud of her.

However, in almost everything else, the comment was that her level of effort varied. I asked her teacher about this and was told that she often appears not to listen to what is said to her, even when in a one to one situation. I know this is true - she never listens to the answers to questions she has asked and if you ask her what you just said, she says she can't remember - presumably on the basis that she wasn't listening.

So, AIBU to be annoyed at this and to let her know and tell her that she has to try harder, or should I just get over it and tell myself she is only 5 or should I be worried about her complete inability to listen (which of course I am)?

OP posts:
Onetoomanycornettos · 19/07/2010 11:15

Oh dear, doesn't sound like she would actually listen if you told her to start listening...

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 19/07/2010 11:15

Lol - good point!

OP posts:
MayorNaze · 19/07/2010 11:16

she's only 5

if it still says that when she's 10, then be annoyed

Onetoomanycornettos · 19/07/2010 11:17

And, no, I wouldn't be annoyed. She's clearly doing well, obviously listens enough to complete tasks to a high standard. You might want to point out to her that if you don't listen to someone when you've asked a question, it appears a bit rude to the other person, but I wouldn't get too het up about it.

TheMoonOnAStick · 19/07/2010 11:23

She's 5. All this just reinforces my own crazy personal belief that children are in school too young, but well, anyhooo... despite 'not listening' she still came up with a good result, so maybe she was after all.

Or see it fom her perspective - perhaps they don't say anything very interesting. I think it's largely the schools's job at 5 to engage the childrens attention.

To sum up - I'd be super proud of her wouldn't be worried one bit

Butterbur · 19/07/2010 11:23

Just let her know you're a bit disappointed at the fact she doesn't always listen to the teacher.

Tell her several times next term to be sure and pay attention.

Being annoyed might be a bit over the top, as she is very young, but she needs to know she's got to do it.

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 19/07/2010 11:23

You're right - I'm still feeling annoyed though! Not all attainment was at a high level - other things like history and science (where she would have had to listen rather than just learn) were "variable". I'm wondering if there is something I should be doing to help her as her ability not to listen is staggering!

OP posts:
rupert22 · 19/07/2010 11:24

Maybe she gets bored easily. She could be very bright and just finds the pace too slow/dull.

i wouldnt worry too much, she is so young.

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 19/07/2010 11:24

Themoononastick - objectively you are absolutely right. Still annoyed though!!

OP posts:
domesticsluttery · 19/07/2010 11:26

I have a DS who has just finished Yr1.

I have let him read his report, and we have talked about the things that he has done well, and the things that he needs to work on. This way he is taking some responsibility for trying to improve his weaker areas, rather than me just nagging at him!

It seems to be working, we had the reports on Friday and he has already found some multiplication maths games online and been playing them (tables was one of his weak points).

He has had a bit of a ropey year behaviour wise and it took him a long time to settle down in class. Sitting down and listening is not his strong point! But he has worked hard in the past term to concentrate better, and his teacher has praised him for this in his report. I wanted him to read it and see that his efforts were appreciated by both me and his teacher.

I wouldn't tell her off about it, but letting her see the report and discussing what is saidmight be a good idea (as long as she is listening...)

Chil1234 · 19/07/2010 11:27

School reports should be taken as indicators of 'areas to work on' rather than 'things to get cross about'. If you're being told that your child lacks concentration then there are little things you can try over the summer holidays that can improve it. Games that involve listening to simple instructions like 'Simon Says' are good. As are sequential tasks like making a cake, doing a jigsaw puzzle or some kind of craft. And you could improve her short-term memory with 'repeat and remember' songs like 'I went shopping and I bought a...' where each person adds a new item to the list but has to repeat the ones that went before. Traditional memory games like Pelmanism are good too.

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 19/07/2010 11:28

Ahhh, you're all making me feel bad now!

OP posts:
Sandinmyshoes · 19/07/2010 11:29

We had this in our family at the same age. It turned out to be a hearing problem and gromits sorted the problem out. Worth looking in to?

AMumInScotland · 19/07/2010 11:29

5 year olds are not renowned for their attention span I think I'd say to her that the teacher has pointed this out, and could she try to focus a bit more on what teacher says so that she can keep doing well at school. But I don't think getting annoyed will do either of you any good - it will improve over time.

You could also try to practice a bit at home - getting her to repeat back to you what you just asked her to do, or the answer you just gave, to get her used to paying attention.

But, really, its so usual in 5 yos that its not something to worry about.

Dropdeadfred · 19/07/2010 11:29

just a mad thought - is her hearing okay? I used to miss out alot at school until my hearing was tested - never had a problem hearing things one to one in quiet place, but couldnt ever concentrate in noisy classroom environment - noone knew I had any hearing problems for years

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 19/07/2010 11:30

Pelmanism?

You are right about working with her over the hols. I have started asking her to explain back to me answers I have given her so she knows that she has to listen.

She reacts very, very well to incentives so I was thinking of telling her that I would ask the teacher at the end of each week how well she had listened and if he says she has done well, then she can have £1. Is this going too far?

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 19/07/2010 11:30

xposted with sandinmyshoes

oiteach · 19/07/2010 11:31

Have you had her hearing checked recently?

My reports from that age were all the same, doesn't listen, attention wanders etc.
Turned out my hearing was awful, had severe glue ear and had been relying on lipreading to understand a lot of what was being said.

If hearing is fine then I would relax, the suggestions about games such as Simon Says are billiant.

Chil1234 · 19/07/2010 11:32

Financial rewards are not necessary. Praise & maybe a treat like a trip to a favourite playground etc., are better. Children who expect substantial gifts or cash for doing things that they should be doing anyway, end up becoming very mercenary.

oiteach · 19/07/2010 11:32

crossposted with about three people all suggesting hearing....

CarGirl · 19/07/2010 11:32

I was going to say the same as above, how is her hearing!

They have to have really poor hearing for the NHS to consider it a problem - my dd passed her test but when it was done privately I saw how poor it really was, not surprised she was struggling with speech and following instructions.

Chil1234 · 19/07/2010 11:35

Pelmanism is the traditional memory game where you place cards face down & turn two over at a time to see if they match. If they don't you turn the cards back face down and the next person has a try.

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 19/07/2010 11:35

AMumInScotland - great minds think a like!

DropDeadFred, I have wondered about her hearing, but have tried whispering "chocolate" very quietly behind her and she has never failed to hear. I have always taken that as a conclusive indication that she can hear just fine.

Part of the problem (my problem, not hers) is that her brother (15 months older and in the year above) gets outstanding marks for attainment across the board (except for PE and music) and I kind of take him as the benck mark for how children should be (as I know no others really). Not terribly fair on dd I suspect.

Am trying hard not to be annoyed now (but it is a struggle).

OP posts:
domesticsluttery · 19/07/2010 11:35

I also thought about the hearing side... one of teh things we did with DS2 was check his sight and hearing (they were both fine though, he just daydreams!)

Original poster
GooseyLoosey · 19/07/2010 11:37

Maybe I should get her hearning checked - I can see that my chocolate test might not be infallible.

OP posts:
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