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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be irritated about her thinking I'm on benefits, or am I being a snob?

54 replies

JaneS · 18/07/2010 08:37

Not quite sure why this irritates me, but I had a really odd conversation with a friend's girlfriend yesterday. I don't know her well and she was asking how come I was usually home during the day. I told her I usually study at home (I'm a postgraduate student), and she replied, 'oh, you're on benefits' - in a non-questioning way. So I said no, I got a grant from the government to study, and she repeated, 'yes - you're on benefits'.

Am I being a snob to let this irritate me? I don't see anything wrong with being on benefits, but I suspect from the way she said it that she thinks I'm scrounging. Or would you also come to that assumption if someone said they got money for studying?

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 18/07/2010 08:41

Well, I take it you are not earning? You may well also be living on savings that you earned whilst working I suppose. But essentially, you are not working, and you are funded by the government.

Its not what I would consider benefits, as such. A post grad student is working and applying themselves (for no money but still) to (probably) improve their career prospects in the future so it is by no means the same thing.

Sounds like she was trying to antagonise you - what did you say? Or did you just let it go? What was her story, was she working, if so, what doing?

YANBU

proudnsad · 18/07/2010 08:44

YANBU.
But if someone insists you're on benefits when you're not and you are furthering your education to presumably avoid being on benefits in the future, it would seriously annoy me too.
And poss a bit of snobbishness too!

wastingaway · 18/07/2010 08:46

I don't think it's snobby. You tried to explain the difference and she refused to try and understand. That would irritate me.

bearcrumble · 18/07/2010 08:47

Was she really dim? Nobody thinks that a grant or bursary is the same as being on benefits, surely? I'd feel the same way as you do. You're not a snob.

Original poster
JaneS · 18/07/2010 08:53

Sloany - I guess the way I saw it is that I'm being paid for studying the same way you'd get paid for doing a job. I don't have to pay it back, and I do feel as if I earn it. It's not the hardest work in the world but it's not a walk in the park either.

I didn't really get the chance to try and explain further (lots of people chatting across each other), but I'll see her tomorrow and wondered about trying to explain. I think it's the implication that, if I'm at home during the day I must be a lazy so and so and on MN all the time.

OP posts:
SloanyPony · 18/07/2010 08:58

She's a knob, basically. I wouldn't bother trying to justify yourself...

mummytime · 18/07/2010 09:02

Don't bother, she is an idiot, and not worth it. What does she do btw?

Original poster
JaneS · 18/07/2010 09:05

I don't know what she does, actually.

The thing is: I do feel that I work. If someone asked if I were working, I'd say, yes, I'm studying. I don't really understand how it's not work when I get paid money for it. I wouldn't say my undergraduate degree was work, but then I didn't get paid for that. Hmm.

OP posts:
dilemma456 · 18/07/2010 09:08

Message withdrawn

anyabanya · 18/07/2010 09:10

Oh, I would be annoyed too, what a knob she is. Maybe she is intimidated by you in some way? Or maybe she is just an idiot. I guess, to say 'on benefits' like that means she thinks all people on benefits are scroungers, which is clearly not true.

She revealed herself to be a moron of the highest order really.

TheJollyPirate · 18/07/2010 09:11

YANBU.

Where I live has a terrible reputation and I am getting used to anyone who sees me during the day assuming I am on benefits. I've given up pointing out that I work - their snobbish attitude is their problem. I would say a sizable minority on this estate don't work but it's only a tiny minority for whom it has always been that way.

The rest of us go out to work full time, part-time or intermittantly when jobs are scarce.

anyabanya · 18/07/2010 09:13

Oh, to add, in case I was not clear, a grant to study is not what I would call 'being on benefits' either. I would classify it as longer term professional development or something....

have re-read yr OP. She is defintiely a moron.

(I was once asked what I did in a pub, and told the person... I was working for a charity at the time) and this person looked me up and down, kind of snorted and said 'You mean people get PAID for doing that?' )

Some people are just idiots.

EnglandAllenPoe · 18/07/2010 09:16

a grant to study is not what i'd call 'on benefits' not that there is anything wrong with that.

is she one of those people that seeks to put people down?

Fizzywinelover · 18/07/2010 09:20

I was wondering the same as EnglandAllanPoe, if she was one of those people who enjoy deriding others. How sad for her if so, she will only alienate people throughout her life.

And no, I would not call a grant to study on benefits either.

Good luck with your postgraduate studies.

Original poster
JaneS · 18/07/2010 09:22

anya - that's so rude! Bloody hell, I hope you managed to say something sharp back.

Annoyingly, I seem only to be able to intimidate people I really, really don't want to - like my incredibly bright mate who thinks a degree is some kind of amazing achievement. I don't think this woman was remotely intimidated, I think she actually thought she was being a bit clever seeing through my excuses.

Oh well ... you'd think she'd work it out given we live in a city with two universities, but I'll see if I can set her straight tomorrow.

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneS · 18/07/2010 09:23

Thanks fizzy, that is very sweet. DP, btw, has just pointed out that if I spent less time on MN and more time actually studying, I might feel less touchy.

OP posts:
mistressploppy · 18/07/2010 09:23

YANBU. She was trying to pick a fight. Don't rise.

anyabanya · 18/07/2010 09:33

No, no smart putdowns from me. I tend to brood and get my knickers in a twist but fail to say anything sharp.

The fact your friend's girlfriend thinks she was being clever is really and serves to confirm her idiocy really.

Guitargirl · 18/07/2010 09:39

Maybe she hates her job and she's jealous that you are doing something you (presumably?) enjoy.

Anyway, YANBU.

I was stopped once when I was out with the DCs and I was asked for directions to the housing benefit office. It annoyed me that someone would assume I knew where that was (I didn't) but then I also felt ashamed that I was annoyed...!

hairytriangle · 18/07/2010 10:02

Yabu. What's the problem? A govt grant is a benefit surely!

Original poster
JaneS · 18/07/2010 10:05

Oh yes, I love it! I do feel a wee bit guilty that I get to get paid for doing something I love, but I comfort myself that it's barely equivalent to minimum wage.

I know exactly what you mean about the 'ashamed to be annoyed' bit, too.

anya - I'm another belated knicker-twister. Sigh. Ah well, at least I'm not starting any bar fights.

My mum works for a charity and so I know what you mean - people can be really rude!

OP posts:
Original poster
JaneS · 18/07/2010 10:08

hairy - is it? How so? It's payment for the work I'm doing, I don't get it if I don't do the work.

(Also I think there's a difference between 'a benefit' (= a good thing) and being 'on benefits'.)

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 18/07/2010 10:08

Lol I work for a charity and I'm studying for a masters but sadly I don't qualify for any financial support for studies! I would love to quit my job and study full time I'm really envious!

hairytriangle · 18/07/2010 10:10

Well personally I don't think studying is equivalent to working. That's just my opinion though.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/07/2010 10:10

It's a bit insulting to people who are "on benefits" so see being called that as a huge insult, surely?

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