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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irritated about her thinking I'm on benefits, or am I being a snob?

54 replies

JaneS · 18/07/2010 08:37

Not quite sure why this irritates me, but I had a really odd conversation with a friend's girlfriend yesterday. I don't know her well and she was asking how come I was usually home during the day. I told her I usually study at home (I'm a postgraduate student), and she replied, 'oh, you're on benefits' - in a non-questioning way. So I said no, I got a grant from the government to study, and she repeated, 'yes - you're on benefits'.

Am I being a snob to let this irritate me? I don't see anything wrong with being on benefits, but I suspect from the way she said it that she thinks I'm scrounging. Or would you also come to that assumption if someone said they got money for studying?

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/07/2010 10:10

to see

hairytriangle · 18/07/2010 10:11

Other than a phd where you have to do some teaching that is.

Original poster

JaneS · 18/07/2010 10:15

Yes, Fanjo, that's why I thought maybe I was being a bit snobby. I guess the thing is, I have no reason to be on benefits, so if I were, I would be cheating the system. And I suspect that's what she thought.

hairy - ok then. I love studying but I don't think it's less hard than, say, working behind the till in a shop. I do teach too, btw, but that's not as hard as the research imo.

OP posts:

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 18/07/2010 10:16

I do see your point though LRD

thesecondcoming · 18/07/2010 10:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hairytriangle · 18/07/2010 10:21

Oh I didn't mean to imply 'less hard'. I would say it's far more enjoyable than till work. It's bloody hard (speaking as someone having her first uni experience in middle age and working full time) but IMHO it's not the same at all as working. Working is about swapping your labour for money - in my case to benefit others - I work for a charity. Studying for me is of benefit to me (and in a round about way to others a I am better at my job as a result of studying). But I choose to study for my own benefit primarily.

Ronaldinhio · 18/07/2010 10:22

I think that she was strange but that your answer is a little weird as well (soz)

it seems from your posts that it is very important to you that you make a distinction that you are being paid to study
i have never seen the grant as that but either as a way to encourage people into further education where numbers were needed or for those in situations that wouldn't ordinarily support them outside work

therefore i thought that the grant from the govt was to enable you to study
i didn't think it was to pay you for your work

do they have the rights to any breakthroughs or dissertation materials at the end of your study?
do they have contract with you?
are you expected to repay once the study translates into a role paying a certain amount?

i wouldn't have said that you are "on benefits" but there again i understand how most people fund their postgrad quals
if pushed i suppose to some extent i do think it is "a benefit" from the govt but asking if you are on benefits seems like hair splitting

lovechoc · 18/07/2010 10:40

many people work AND study so I can see where your friend's girlfriend was coming from. she probably sees you as being a bit lazy staying at home and only doing 'study' and getting paid for it. Many have no choice but to go out and work, and study inbetween their working hours.

And not all courses are funded. Many you have to come up with the funding yourself. OP you are very fortunate.

GypsyMoth · 18/07/2010 10:41

Do you get housing benefit and council tax benefit?
Do you get tax credits?

lovechoc · 18/07/2010 10:43

whitecherry beat me to it but I was also going to ask those similar questions too. Many will think you are taking the easy route but studying exclusively at home, and not actually earning a crust and see it as a bit unfair where many will work to fund their studies if they want to further their education in adult life.

Original poster

JaneS · 18/07/2010 12:19

Sorry, been out at chuch.

second, I don't think I'm better than people on benefits. I just think she thought my 'studying' was an excuse to get benefit money, which it isn't.

ron - yes, of course it's important to me that I'm paid to study! I couldn't afford to do it otherwise and I take it pretty seriously because it's what passes for my job for three years. To answer your questions: I don't think they have any rights to my dissertation work (dunno, actually). They have a contract with me, yes. I don't have to repay the money, no.

lovechoc - I had to compete for that funding, it wasn't just handed out like sweeties, you know. Saying I'm lucky to have it is a bit like saying someone who gets the job is luckier than the people who didn't get it - it may be true, but there's an element of competition there too.

If I don't complete my PhD in time, they'll ask for it back. If I don't do good work, they'll give me the shove. It's a full time course, btw, so why should I have to go out and get a second job? I know many people do work part-time around studying and I have a huge amount of respect for them - but it shouldn't be necessary.

white - I don't have to pay income tax (but the grant is set up so it's the equivalent of minimum wage, minus the tax you'd pay on minimum wage). I don't have to pay council tax (though we do, because I live with my partner).

love - I don't know anyone whose first choice was to work to fund their studies, only people who work because they failed to get funding. I accept it's far tougher to get funding than it should be, but that doesn't mean I'm 'lazy' because I got it, it means I worked damn hard to get the funding.

OP posts:

ilovemydogandMrObama · 18/07/2010 12:28

it's a bursary, not benefits. Nothing wrong with being on benefits, just that you aren't.

Knew a woman who was on benefits and she kept telling people she was, 'on the government's payroll' and couldn't discuss it. People assumed she was working for security services

Alambil · 18/07/2010 12:38

there's no shame in being on benefits (says she, who's done it for 7 years) - just let her get on with it

GrendelsMum · 18/07/2010 12:38

I wouldn't worry about it - doing a research-based PhD is work, in that you are doing the same research job that you would do as a post-doc once you've got your PhD. The only difference is that the money you receive is rather less than the minimum wage for the hours worked.

I think it's reasonable not to expect other people to understand that to get a funded PhD is a great honour and a tribute to your hard work and intelligence. They've never tried to get a PhD funded - therefore they have no idea how hard it is. Smile and shrug it off!

mnistooaddictive · 18/07/2010 12:40

I think a lot of people think studying for a PhD is like being an undergraduate. PhD students are working full time every day like being at work. Grants are hard to come by so if you have one you are not just a layabout who doesn't fancy a proper job. I don't have PhD but had enough friends who did one that I understand a little bit of what it is like.
The research being done by Phd students has a massive impact on all our lives. I don't know what field you are in LRD, but some fields include new cancer drugs, new medical treatment, advances in technology. We should be grateful people are prepared to do such important stuff for an absolute pittance.

She is a stupid cow who has no understanding of what you do.

CarGirl · 18/07/2010 12:44

Perhaps next time just tell people you work in research!

fernie3 · 18/07/2010 15:14

yanbu but dont be too upset. People assume I am on benefits all the time, I think its the 3 children the bump and the fact my husband and I rarely go places together because of working hours (my daughters school teacher was surprised to hear we actually lived together).I have had countless midwives and doctors asking me how I will manage four children alone. I ignore it it makes little difference what people think, if they want to judge based on stereotypes then so be it.

TheJollyPirate · 18/07/2010 20:18

People have a sterotyped image in their heads all the time. The estate I live on is right up there with it too. So - I may work but they'll assume I don't. Tough - that's their prejudice and problem.

I get pissed off with it some times but don't let it get to me, life is too short.

Now - my noisy, feckless neighbour with two dogs who she kicks out twice a day to do their business is the stereotype - teenage kids at home, never done a days work in her life and parties till all hours. Not employed and not employable either. C'est la vie and all that - I only get annoyed when she's shrieking for the dogs at 11.00pm every night onlivious that people may be sleeping.

Original poster

JaneS · 19/07/2010 08:01

Thanks for replies. Feel a bit daft to let it bother me, now.

(Btw, also, I am not doing exciting life-saving research but I wish I were! )

OP posts:

SomethingOrOther · 19/07/2010 08:11

I think it's always irritating when people assume something that isn't true!

FWIW, DH and I get benefits because his income is horrendously low.

and because of this I get full funding for my OU degree (i.e. it is completely free) plus a small grant each year.

I felt quite bad about this, and thought maybe I should work instead, but I want to be a SAHM while my kids are small, and if I was working I wouldn't be able to fit in the studying. I would only be able to get a menial job now anyway.

ATM I'm on track for a high First so I don't want to spoil that! In a few years I'll be teaching hopefully and will be giving plenty back to society.

Original poster

JaneS · 19/07/2010 08:27

Oh, that's so nice - you being on course for a first kind of proves that you deserved the funding, right?

OP posts:

Original poster

JaneS · 19/07/2010 08:27

(ie., it was a good investment for the govt. - meh, I can't write clearly - bad student!)

OP posts:

MamaMary · 19/07/2010 22:12

YANBU - she was rude and sounds like she was trying to belittle you. You are NOT on benefits.

When I was doing my (funded) full-time PhD I used to work from home quite a bit and many people seemd to assume I was still living an undergraduate-type student lifestyle (so not the case!) and I couldn't be bothered to get a 'proper job'. They always assumed I had really long summer holidays (which you don't get on a PhD) and this used to annoy me too. And they'd keep asking when I was going to finish, the implication being when are you going to start working. It IS (extremely hard) work.

scurryfunge · 19/07/2010 22:24

I don't think it should bother you that much.

I would have loved to do further study after my degree but I could not afford to. I had to get a job I'm afraid to finance my housing, etc.

Good for you that you are getting financed.

Original poster

JaneS · 19/07/2010 23:16

Thanks Mama.

Scurry, I do get what you're saying, but I also feel the point is, it's not a luxury I'm lucky enough to indulge. I'd have loved to get a job that paid me more than minimum wage, but I couldn't afford to hang around waiting for the dream job to happen.

Anyway ... I avoided seeing her tonight and DP went, and apparently she is pretty rude to everyone, so no great surprise there.

OP posts:

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