feeding my son a sandwich......

[vole3]

OK, hands up! I admit I probably should have thought first before feeding my son 1/4 of a cheese sandwich, but here's the full story.

Village fete afternoon, 3 year old very excited and doesn't want to eat his lunch, so I put it in my bag for later.
Granny and Grandad live next door to the pub, so we park Grandad in the pub, go wandering round the fete and come back.
Buy a round of drinks for 6.
By this time my son is a little peckish, and being the typical 3 year old likes what he likes and wants it when he wants it!
Not sure what the food will be like as the new people only took over the pub last weekend, and also not sure I want to spend £5 on something he won't eat, so get out 1/4 of a sandwich and give it to him.
The previously pleasant and cheerful barlady comes up to us, barks 'we serve food here so you can't eat your own' and stalks off.

Hello to you too I thought!

I am miffed, mainly because of her attitude as there are ways and ways of saying things. However I am also miffed because in-laws have been there 38 years and have seen numerous tenants come and go and Grandad is in there every day for his pint or 2, partly because I had just spent money in the establishment which I am now loathe to do in the future, and partly because as for all she knew he could have had allergies that prevented him eating there and he's only 3 for ##### sake and is still learning that he has to wait for other people to be served first and when he's hungry, he's hungry.

Would have loved to see how she would have dealt with me breastfeeding - 'we do serve draught refreshment here you know, he can't drink yours!!' or some such no doubt

Hmm, perhaps she was having a bad day? Perhaps their business is doing very badly? Or perhaps she's very rude and has no idea about young children. But you should have asked.

OK not ideal but perhaps asking first might have been a better idea - although I sometimes think that service providers do forget that it might be easier for you to shovel a bit of food rather than having to vacate a the place of service due to screaming tantrum!

Why should she have asked? I hate all this 'don't eat food here that you didn't buy here'! Mainly because many places don't cate for allergies & you just can't know who has allergies.

In this case, there is nothing wrong with her giving her child 1/4 of a sandwich, after they bought drinks there.

I worked in a couple of pubs & we had no problem with kiddies being given little bits of food that mum/dad came along with. Hardly like the OP got some chips from the chippie next door, sat in the garden, sans drink & fed them to her whole family!

He doesn't have allergies though, does he? And I'd hazard a guess that they could have rustled him up a cheese sandwich had you asked. So that is not really the issue, is it?

When it comes to babies, with their milk and their "baby food" if they are fed purees etc, then you should be left alone. But I have a son the same age and I find that now they are that kind of age, looking like mini-schoolboys, if you are in a place that has a "dont bring your own rule", you have to apply them to that as well and find them something suitable, or go somewhere else to eat your own food.

It may seem unreasonable but where do you draw the line? I'd hazard a guess that if you had politely run it by her first, rather than just assume, she probably would have been fine with it.

YABU

That would have irritated me too, I'm always feeding DS from stuff I've brought. Can't imagine they'd cater for my fussy eater anyway. YADNBU!

Hmm, I can see it's not a black and white situation. Bringing puree for a baby would be obviously acceptable, once you get to bringing sandwiches for a 3 yo I think you're getting to the tipping point of unacceptable.

However, I totally see your point re her manner and it's not like the whole family whipped out a picnic.

Personally, I carry a 'snack box' full of stuff like raisins, breadsticks etc which feels more obviously snacky than a sandwich. [irrational]

I wouldnt have asked, bite of a sandwich? ! Bloody hell, people are so arsey. You all bought drinks, its not like you were just using the facilities and not buying anything.

I'm not a business person but to me it seems stupid to potentially alienate a whole family of regulars over a snack given to a small child.

I agree with what Besom said, but, in amongst our group of friends there is one mum who always brings her own food / drinks for her DCs and eats them in whichever cafe / pub we are in - using cutlery and crockery and making a mess that the staff have to clear up - which is obviously covered by the cost of food in this type of place.

So I can understand their policy - after all she wasn't to know that you didn't have a bag full of stuff for everyone that you were about to start on

Yes to us a snack, but to the NEW pub landlords who don't know the OP's family have been going to the pub for nearly 40 years it is 1/4 of a sandwich, and they don't know that the other "snack" isn't a full meal of the rest of the sandwich, yoghurt, etc etc - OP were you going to be purchasing something for your child to eat? Or were you assuming it would be ok to just produce the sandwich? If it was just ok to produce the sandwich then yes it is a little ur. (Again, perhaps asking first before asuuming it was ok would have been the better course of action.)

I used to go to Starbucks a fair bit when my son was little - I suppose just over a year until he turned 2 when I had my daughter and stopped going regularly (too much faff whereas it used to kill off a lunch hour/early afternoon nicely)

Starbucks sandwiches are quite grown up, lots of leafy green stuff and chard and chewy sundried tomatoes and that kind of thing, woody bread which my son wasn't yet up to.

So I used to buy a lovely soft white bread egg sandwich from the bakery next door for him, and I would get my latte and muffin or sandwich for me from Starbucks.

I'd sit there eating my Starbucks and give my son the egg sandwich from next door. Nobody ever said anything because he was still a "baby" really at that stage, in his pushchair, not talking much, with baby features. But - if they had - I would have happily put the sandwich away, or grabbed up my stuff and made a move so he could continue eating. And I'd never leave my wrappings etc for them to clean up either, that would go back in my bag to be binned outside.

The point is, whilst I bent the rules and got away with it, I didn't expect the rules not to apply to me simply because I'd had children - whether I'd bought stuff there or not, whether I was a regular or not.

In a private establishment, they have their own rules which they can apply however they want, to their detriment or otherwise. Having children does not exempt you.

What besom says.

I always think the 'only eat food that you've purchased on the premises' applies to older children and adults, tbh. I'm surprised that so many people thought you should have asked. The alternative, of a hungry 3 year old playing up/tantruming/running around/ crying because they're hungry and bored is worse, I have thought.

You didn't tell us what happened though OP - did you put the sandwich away? Did he have a tantrum? Did he waste away?

I have a 3 year old who would sit and wait for food to be made. I think unless you were ordering food for the rest of the family then YABU and you knew that your child would not eat anything on the menu then YABU.

FWIW I would have made mine eat something before moving on to the pub, I can't stand the grumpiness when they get tired and hungry after a fun day!

Rosebud don't you think 3 is old enough for the rules to apply?

It's complete madness. Yes I can understand their rules, but it's not like it was a packet of crisps or a pizza she whipped out. It was a tiny snack.

My ds is 11 and will rarely eat anything on offer at such places, except junk as he is very fussy. I also take his friend with a nut allergy to a lot of places and really don't feel the need to justify giving him something from his own snack box.

Our local soft play centre is so ott now it won't let you bring your own water in and doesn't provide tap water any more to top up a bottle. You have to buy either squash or their bottled water. Crazy when you think how much you pay to get in and that you usually buy drinks for grownups and snacks too. Needless to say we don't go much any more and as a result they lose out on income overall.

I don't think you were being unreasonable, but I assume that with the landlady being new and therefore not recognising your Grandad, along with the fact that they might have had other people taking the p*ss a bit on fete day and rocking up with full-blown picnics or burgers and chips, I can understand why she might have reacted the way she did.

I used to work in a tea room place at a tourist attraction and people would often try to use it as a pinic area. During busy times there were barely enough tables for customers, so we used to come down hard on people bringing their own food. The exception would be if it was a child in a pushchair. There were plenty of other places to picnic.

I agree its ridiculous and so embarrassing. I was in a cafe once and had ordered myself and 3 kids meals. My youngest only being just over a year. I asked if they supplied feeding cups as I had forgot to bring my youngest a cup, they did not and only had glasses with straws, so I sent my oldest to the nearest shop for bottled water with a spout lid. I gave it to my daughter and the waitress came over and asked me not to give it to my youngest as it was not bought on premises. I immediately cancelled my order and left, their loss

"and being the typical 3 year old likes what he likes and wants it when he wants it! "

Only if has never been taught that he has to wait, 3 is not too young for that. How do you expect him to learn if you don't teach him to?

Talking of Starbucks - they provide children with FREE steamed milk with cocoa sprinkled on top, so they can pretend to be like mummy/daddy/carer. Children are the future adult customer.

At a certain fairly expensive cafe in Windsor Great Park (that narrows it down a lot!) the children often will have their own food and drink. That will also often be supplemented with something from the cafe - nice cake for example. The adults have the hot drinks, sandwiches, cakes etc. We are regular weekly customers, come rain or shine - that now having been the case for around 4 years. A new manager will sometimes give an odd look but they generally turn a blind eye. While the cafe does some childrens food, they don't do a lot and really cater to a much older client (those older clients like seeing the children sitting nicely at a table eating their snacks - we frequently get comments about how well behaved the children are).
Long term the business gets more money from us, than if we went outside and sat on the grass with a picnic and flask.

While a business needs to protect it's income stream, it is short sighted not to consider the long term impact. If we were not permitted to let the children eat their own snacks, we would not be buying coffee... we would bring our own. So from an average spend of £20 from our group (3 or 4 adults) each visit, they would get nothing.

OK heres the thing. At 3 children don't often want to eat at the excitment of going out because they think they will go quicker if they skip the eating - ds 5.10 is still like it now. BUT as parents its our job to encourage and explain if they don't eat it we will not go or you'll be hungrey. (and yes I did it to ds at 3). If it was 4/5 pm when you were in the pub then it is reasonable to expect that you would be giving a dinner of some type so you should have bought him something from the bar imo, if it was 2pm then if he hadn't eaten lunch he would have to learn to wait 1/2 hour while you have your drinks and then eat it after.

The allergy thing is different but doesn't count here.

I suppose its all down to individual parenting choices. I have taken snacks etc for ds when we go out and he has had these in a cafe while waiting for food (cucumber etc) or with his meal but I would not give it too him instead of something else if I've chosen to go to a pub/ cafe.

My personal view is that by giving something thats demanded as soon they want it is counter productive.

!!!! barmaid had probably been upset by one of the locals and you caught the brunt of it, it wud have been different if you had whipped out an entire picnic, the woman was simply a jobsworth, I was a pub landlady in my life bc and used to offer free refils for children, i never had a problem with people bringing food for their children, i always found that a little good will goes a long way