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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can you show a child too much love

62 replies

pigletmania · 17/07/2010 23:02

I have a dd 3.4 who I love very much and I am not afraid to show it, I cant help myself but hug and kiss her most of the time . She is just so cute, and yummy and lovely. Thing is she is starting to be a bit clingy, I dont know if I should just step back a bit and keep my hugs and kisses to myself. I want her to be independent and confident and not attached to my apron strings when she is older.

OP posts:
ninah · 17/07/2010 23:03

Don't hold back
Confidence comes from being loved!

cornsilked · 17/07/2010 23:03

no

violethill · 17/07/2010 23:05

I doubt whether the clingyness is directly to do with it, but hugging and kissing most of the time sounds a bit smothering. It's important to show and tell your children you love them, but nonstop physical stuff is a bit OTT

Stokey38 · 17/07/2010 23:05

No, I think it's lovely.

mumeeee · 17/07/2010 23:05

NO

MumInBeds · 17/07/2010 23:07

If she's happy with the cuddles then keep giving them, she'll let you know if and when she wants you to back off.

scottishmummy · 17/07/2010 23:07

no,unconditional regard warmth love are essential.love love love your child(ren)

thefirstmrsDeVere · 17/07/2010 23:07

NONONONONONONONONONO and again NO.

I lost my DD. I have never thought to myself 'I wish I had shown her I loved her a bit less'

Love your kids, cherish them and make sure they know they are the most important thing in the world to you.

Mommy2BubbanHun · 17/07/2010 23:09

Clicked to see if you were the mum who followed her daughter on the school trip and stayed in a nearby B&B.

Get as many kisses and cuddles as you can. They don't stay small for long.

Unless of course you are physically restraining her in order to show your love.

wannaBe · 17/07/2010 23:09

I agree with vh. Nothing at all wrong with showing children we love them, nothing at all wrong with physical affection.

But you said "I hug and kiss her most of the time." What constitutes most of the time? Because I do think that it is possible to go ott with constant hugging and kissing.

bosch · 17/07/2010 23:10

I have a ds who is 3yrs and 9 months and way more affectionate than either of his brothers. We regularly tell each other we love each other and there are lots of kisses and cuddles but not so that I feel that it is causing a problem.

Confidence for your daughter will not come from you being less physically close. She might just not yet be ready to be independent and confident, and that sounds completely normal for a 3 year old (or indeed a 4, 5 or 6 year old - blimey, I'm 42 and i'm not really all that confident...)

I think that one of the things that will give your daughter confidence in life is that she is confident in her good relationship with you. You can gently encourage her confidence, but be there with a reassuring hug if she's not ready yet.

Original poster
pigletmania · 17/07/2010 23:10

Thanks everyone, she loves hugs and so do I. I know that when they go to bed you should leave them on their own to settle themselves, but when she says 'snuggle with mummy' and I lie down with her and she puts her little arms around me and goes to sleep, ahhh thats the best feeling. I do tell her I love her most of the time, but yes I am afraid of smothering her too much. Well i am not obsessed that she is attached to me all the time, but do love the hugs and kisses.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 17/07/2010 23:11

No.

My DD is 8y and an only child. She is also an only grandchild on one side (and also only niece) and was eldest grandchild (so only for a while) on other side. She has been lavished with love and attention from the start.

But she is 8y now and an independent confident happy and sociable little girl, who is just a delight.

Being loved "too much" has not held her back.

Fruitysunshine · 17/07/2010 23:11

Don't let the fear of other people's opinions stop you showering your lovely little girl with all your love and affection.

There needs to be more love in the world!

Original poster
pigletmania · 17/07/2010 23:12

No not physically restraining or sitting on her and no i am not that mum on the school trip, dd too young. My thoughts are that they are only little for a short time and then they become independent and fly the nest, I just want to savour every moment.

OP posts:
hairytriangle · 17/07/2010 23:13

There's no such thing as too much love.

scottishmummy · 17/07/2010 23:13

hell,as a bereaved parent you know all about regret and love mrsDV - losing your daughter must have been like arm cut off

CoinOperatedGirl · 17/07/2010 23:14

Nah I have a dd(6) ds1(3) and ds2(9 months) and I'm always kissing and tickling them, it's what they are for. My older 2 are not clingy in the slightest, ds2 is mind but obviously he is only little.

Kiss them as much as they will tolerate, it's lovely.

Original poster
pigletmania · 17/07/2010 23:14

Thanks everyone, I was a bit worried because she has wanted to be with me more and follow me around. I am a STAHM so she is with most of the time. I wondered if I should step back a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
pigletmania · 17/07/2010 23:18

ThefirstMrsDvere big hugs to you.

OP posts:
Valpollicella · 17/07/2010 23:19

I kiss my DS randomly thoughout the day. And he reciprocates with a random kiss here and there...scoots up and plants a smaker with a hurried 'I loove you Mumma' and runs off.

To me it's just a nice thing to do throughout the day...not all the time, but just a nice reminder every now and agin...especially on the days where he gets put on the naughty spot for misbehaving. It goes to show him that I love him lots, even though he does sometimes need to be disciplined

milliemoosmum · 17/07/2010 23:19

I'm the same I kiss and cuddle my DD as much as she allows. She tells me to get off if she's not in the mood . I've got a 5 month old son that I can cuddle all I like as well and he's too little to run away

Original poster
pigletmania · 17/07/2010 23:19

If dd does not want it she will say no and push me away anyway

OP posts:
Firawla · 17/07/2010 23:31

i dont think it will make her clingy, if you start witholding affection it will probably make her more clingy cos she would feel insecure about it?

Lynli · 17/07/2010 23:36

Same here just can't resist kissing and cuddling my DS. I did worry that I was being over the top. I asked him if he would like me to stop, but he said no of course not I like being the most loved child in the world.