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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Can you show a child too much love

62 replies

pigletmania · 17/07/2010 23:02

I have a dd 3.4 who I love very much and I am not afraid to show it, I cant help myself but hug and kiss her most of the time . She is just so cute, and yummy and lovely. Thing is she is starting to be a bit clingy, I dont know if I should just step back a bit and keep my hugs and kisses to myself. I want her to be independent and confident and not attached to my apron strings when she is older.

OP posts:

LeQueen · 17/07/2010 23:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rupert22 · 17/07/2010 23:46

You cant love them too much, I'm the same with my ds (6) and because of the kissing and hugging and i love yous, he is the same way back and is very loving and fun and open. The clingyness is just a stage, nothing to do with you loving her 'too much'

Love makes the world go round

( ) i moved from my dream home to a tiny flat that overlooks ds' school playground! I know.

hellymelly · 17/07/2010 23:48

Lynli that is very sweet.I can't resist kissing mine either,they are just so lovely.All love is good in my book!

TrappedinSuburbia · 17/07/2010 23:51

Nah, they're just too lovely.
My ds is clingy as well which I worry about, but hey ho the more he knows he's loved the more confidence (im hoping) it will give him.

piprabbit · 17/07/2010 23:51

4 hugs a day to survive, 8 hugs a day to maintain, 12 hugs a day to THRIVE

Offer your child as many hugs as you like, but don't force them to respond if they are busy or uninterested.

And no, you can;t love a child too much.

Valpollicella · 17/07/2010 23:54

I don't think you can love a child too much at the end of the day.

A kiss here, a cuddle, a ruffle of their hair. I will always remember my mum's hands sweeping my fringe back absent mindently while talking to a neighbour.

She wasn't and still isn't someone prone to saying the L word out loud

But I felt loved as she did that, the one time

Hence I take every opportunity to make an imprint on my DS on how much I love him. A touch on the head, a kiss, a cuddle.....a sneaky attack on his arm pits where I tickle him and then kiss him on his tummy

piprabbit · 17/07/2010 23:56

Valpollicella, that is a lovely post .

Original poster

pigletmania · 17/07/2010 23:58

Ahhh good to know that there are others out there like me

OP posts:

petisa · 18/07/2010 00:00

No, get the hugs and kisses while they'll let you! There's nothing better in the world, and my dd pushes me away too if she doesn't want a kiss

AgentZigzag · 18/07/2010 00:01

'I've got a 5 month old son that I can cuddle all I like as well and he's too little to run away'

fantastic way of seeing it, I'm the same with 6m DD2

This lovely thread has made me go all fuzzy and warm inside

prism · 18/07/2010 00:17

She will probably grow out of it by herself, so just make sure you are ready when she does. It can be really hard when they become less cuddlesome, but it's only natural as they realise they are independent people. But the early cuddles pay off when they come back as equals, later in life, so don't give yourself a hard time about it now.

sevenkeystomysoul · 18/07/2010 00:39

Lord, no! You can't kiss, hug, tell a child you love them too much (I can't resist my 3yo DD either). She spent 8 weeks in GOSH when she was 18 months, most of that time so tubed up all I could reach were her fingers and toes, but reach them I did. Children thrive on love, don't 'step back'. DD asks several times a day for hugs (although now she is a canny toddler, a lot of those those requests are actually thinly-disguised attempts to be picked up in order to reach something ) and randomly shouts at me from another room to tell me (once I've urgently removed myself from the loo/shower) 'I love you Mummy'. She's the same with close family and friends and it's lovely to see. I might not be able to afford holidays and the suchlike, but there's no stinting on love in our house. DD is confident and independent and I believe that comes from knowing she is surrounded by love, it gives her the 'safety net' from which to branch out.

hairytriangle · 18/07/2010 00:41

This is a lovely thread

Valpollicella · 18/07/2010 00:42

Thanks Pip

As much as I felt 'secure' I never felt 'loved'. Hence I make sure DS gets the luuurve

And funnily enough...we've totally got a bond over music... we dance away (well, we pogo and bounce and rock away

jendaisy · 18/07/2010 00:47

I have always been very soppy with DD (now 6), and she is very independent and has never really had any clingy phases. So maybe your DD would be having a clingy phase anyway, I'm sure cuddles and kisses from mummy aren't hurting her!

piprabbit · 18/07/2010 00:48

I'm sure your DS is thriving on all the love . Children kind of suck it all up like a sponge don't they?

Sleepingonthebus · 18/07/2010 00:58

My DS(7) isn't as fond of cuddles as he used to be, but I still get plenty.

My DD(4) is still very very cuddly and kissy, and could be described as a bit clingy I suppose. I love it when I phone home from work and she tells me she loves me, and that I'm going to get 10 kisses when I get home.

We play a game where she tells me how much she loves me, ie, "I love you 10 thousand and 17", and I have to come up with my own number, which is normally bigger than hers, then she tops it. This game goes on for ages until she gets fed up, or when I tell her she has won but that I still love her loads.

I wouldn't mind if mine weren't too keen on cuddles, as long as they knew I loved them.

AgentZigzag · 18/07/2010 01:18

I must admit I'm the least cuddly person ever, I hated it when my mum cuddled me, she said I used to elbow her away all the time.

So it came as a real shock when I found out just how good it feels to cuddle my own DC, there really is nothing in the world better

EmmaBemma · 18/07/2010 08:11

I never got cuddles or "I love yous" as a child (this isn't a boo-hoo post, btw, I didn't grow up emotionally stunted and traumatised, it's just how my parents were) and I definitely make up for that with my three year old daughter. It hasn't made her clingy at all - she's a very outgoing and chatty little girl - so I don't think that being physically affectionate with your daughter is making her clingy. It's more likely that something else is going on that's making her temporarily unsure and hesitant about things - so long as she's got her secure base with you, I'm sure it'll pass.

deemented · 18/07/2010 08:19

I once had a peadiatrician tell me i loved my surviving twin too much. That i had projected more love onto him since his brothers death and that was the reason for his moderate developmental delay.

It utterly broke me. I was devestated.

Then a lovely lovely friend made me realise that what he'd said was complete and utter bollocks and the reason DS had developmental delay was because he'd been born 12 weeks early.

So, in answer, No, you can't love a child too much.

MrsDrOwenHunt · 18/07/2010 08:23

i could eat ds on aregular basis!! i have always kissed him all the time !!

MathsMadMummy · 18/07/2010 08:29

not at all. kisses and cuddles are so important and knowing she is loved will give your child the confidence she needs to go off and explore the world. she may take longer to get that confidence if she's a bit clingy now, but that's ok! just make sure she has opportunities to gain confidence like at playgroups, she'll be fine.

I really doubt the clinginess is due to you being OTT physically. lots of kids get clingy precisely because they don't get enough physical affection.

LimaCharlie · 18/07/2010 08:34

No such thing as too much love - enjoy it while you can before too long they'll be walking ten paces ahead of you in public

I make sure my DC know that they are very much loved by both of us even though DH is quite reserved and not very tactile, I tell them both that we love them above and beyond all else.

And even though DS is a stroppy 5'7" pre-teen swaggering along with the top of his pants hanging out of his trousers, he's not above sitting on my lap for a hug and a kiss now and then.

prozacfairy · 18/07/2010 08:41

You're doing fine imo. My DD is 2 and we are very affectionate- lots of cuddles, kisses and "shnuggles" as she calls them. She's same with her dad and grandmothers. The result is that she's happy, confident with loads of friends.

OTOH I never got anywhere near as much attention from either of my parents at that age. My dad would rather have been "shnuggling" his new gf and my mum was pissed. The result? I still have anxiety about meeting new people, have few real friends and been battling with depression since I was 8. And yes I do believe there is a connection.

proudnsad · 18/07/2010 08:47

Of course not! I still cuddle and kiss dc 9 year old...getting it all in before I'm not allowed anymore! Pile on the love, man.

There's a difference between an abundance of love and over indulgence though...

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