…to tell this man off in public, for upsetting my friend?

[kingnothing]

My friend can?t have children - has been TTC for 5-ish years - and is currently looking into IVF. We were at a wedding reception this evening, and she was openly talking about it with some friends and colleagues. One bloke (not in our party - but also not pissed, in anticipation of that question) was nearby and butted in with ?I know it?s sad for you, but don?t you think there?s a reason why some people can have kids and some people can?t. Maybe you should just realise it?s natural selection, give up and not play God?

I mean?.!

Was I unreasonable when I told him to stay out of other people?s conversations (OK - a bit U as we were in a public place) and keep his narrow minded opinions to himself? I didn?t swear or raise my voice, but I was very sharp with him. A few people nearby raised their eyebrows at me, and made me think that maybe I was overstepping the line - my friend left the reception (no doubt in tears) and went home, and isn?t responding to texts or phone calls now.

YANBU. What a horrid twat. Hope your friend is okay.

So do I!

YANBU. He was being very insensitive and it is him tha needs to learn to keep hs mouth shut.

hmm.. He was very insensitive, but I doubt you helped your friend.

It took 9 years for us to conceive DS1 (and 2 months for DS2!!) I always took the view it was either meant to happen or it wasn't and I kind of get where he was coming from. (although I would never have said it to a stranger or anyone in your friend's position)

What a mean mean man. YANBU at all and well done you for speaking up - shame that you had to though. Your poor friend

YANBU at all. Bloody insensitive shit. What a horrible thing to think never mind say to anyone. It's like saying that we shouldn't cure any illnesses or diseases as it's all natural selection, etc. What a load of bollocks.

I hope your friend is ok.

Hmmm.

Dunno actually.
While he is entitled to his opinion, he was an utter arse to upset your friend.
Maybe he didn't realise how upset she would be by his comments.

You, conversely, were entitled to tell him you thought his opinions were upsetting your friend, and to stick up for her.

So, topic and opinions on conception aside, YANBU.

What a good friend you are, well done!

What a stupid thing to say (him)

yanbu, i would have done the same, what a bloody idiot.

i hope you get through to your friend, make sure you tell her to ignore idiots like that. hope she gets over this act of knobness

Oh, thanks everyone - I was feeling I might have been as bad as him. Create, my friend had already gone before I said anything to him - but I did say it in front of other friends and colleagues, so I hope I haven?t made things worse by making a big deal out of it!

YANBU. How are people going to find out they're being a wanker, if no-one ever tells them? You've probably done him a favour in the long run.

@ Heathen
I thought the word wanker, but I didn?t say it? he probably got the drift

As someone who's 37 and taking a long time to get pg, I applaud you! People just don't fucking think. You should've cut his cock off with the knife they used to cut the cake

Everyone is entitled to their opinion on the matter and yes, she was talking openly about it (v brave of her) but how on earth could he think this would be a pleasant thing to interject into a conversation he'd overheard?! Did he think it's going to make your friend feel better or suddenly help her 'see the light' and stop TTC?! He was being a thoughtless, nosy, loud-mouthed cunt and I think you were absolutely NBU to take him to task. I believe in tackling people when their behaviour is unacceptable and you did right in my opinion. I hate that British thing we have where everyone ignores someone spouting horrible views and the person who tackles them about what they're saying is somehow the rude one! Your friends might've been reacting like that but equally they might just have been surprised and impressed by you standing up to him.

I hope your friend is okay. Please point out to her that other people do NOT share his backward views.

YADNBU. He behaved like and asshole.
Poor friend.

Why on earth would anyone think you had been unreasonable?

Good for you for standing up for your friend - may make him think in future and be less insensitive.

Very powerful post, Scorpette, thank you, and I really do wish you all the best with TTC
niggle - I am hoping that nobody (in RL) thinks I was being horrible, but some of the looks I got from people around me (who may not have heard the whole exchange) made me think I was as bad as him - it wasn?t so much about my reaction to his opinion that I was questioning, - rather the fact that I was reacting at all. I feel much better having posted on here!
Obviously, I think his opinion stinks, and he?s an utter fuckwit

well done for standing up for your friend
that what counts

What a shit!
Way back in the day, when we were TTC, I was having a conversation with a friend who worked in a special care baby unit. She?d obviously totally forgot that I was TTC, and expressed very similar opinions to this bloke, talking mainly about multiple births in the unit, and the fact that some of the parents of these tiny babies had had fertility treatment, and shouldn?t have because they were (her words) ?proper scumbags?. She said something about natural selection, and that "if you couldn?t then you shouldn?t" - then she remembered my situation, and said ?Not you, obviously?
Obviously.
I told her what I thought about her fekkin opinions too - well done. Hope your friend is OK!

YANBU, what a stupid thing for him to say, so all the people who can't have kids don't deserve them and all the people who fall pregnant at the drop of a hat deserve kids.
Try telling that to all the kids in care.

Cheers, KN It's what I said - people are more comfortable with ignoring someone who is being an arsehole than they are tackling idiots or witnessing someone else tackle them. That's them being cowardly, not you being as bad as the gobshite. If no-one ever does anything, they never learn, like Heathen said. You did good.

Yanbu at all. What a horrible, insensitive thing to say! I hope your friend is ok, she is lucky to have a good friend like you

I've been ttc for 5 years or more - I'm very much of the opinion that if it ain't gonna happen naturally then there is probably a good reason it shouldn't. I wouldn't consider IVF. For me personally IVF is not a valid option, I think bloke in question has a valid option. But I would never voice it. In RL. Only in MN world

I think he has a point. And I speak as someone who was unable to conceive a second child.
But I wouldn't voice that opinion to someone's face.

But I do think that sometimes there comes a point where you do have to move on. Because infertility can take over your life, and the reality is that it doesn't happen for everyone, and at that point you can either choose to let it destroy your life or make the best of the life you have.

As I said, I wouldn't and he shouldn't have voiced it publically. But holding that opinion doesn't make him an insensitive/ignorant wanker. Lots of people who have been through infertility hold the same opinion.

I've met too many women my age who devote their lives to TTC. They are not better people for it. Self-obsessed is a phrase that springs to mind, Get on with your life is a something I want to shout at them...

Speaking as one who has not been able to conceive in 5 years