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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Present for siblings

53 replies

mrsruffallo · 17/07/2010 21:10

school mum has always given all four of her children presents on each one's birthday.

It is her oldest sons 8th birthday next week and now she asked me if I wouldn't mind getting all of the siblings a present too as they felt left out last year.

AIBU to feel annoyed. I am considering sending a snooty message and remembering I have something to do on that day after all

OP posts:
Oenopod · 17/07/2010 22:09

Boy am I counting them up today

MissWooWoo · 17/07/2010 22:17

no way! and twisted!

poor kids - they're in for a big shock if that's the way they think the world works.

don't not go along though

maryz · 17/07/2010 22:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom · 18/07/2010 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

seenyertoeslately · 18/07/2010 09:09

Agree that the whole point of a birthday is that it is a special day.

Anyway, how can they feel 'left out' if there are three of them?

prozacfairy · 18/07/2010 09:13

YANBU! OMG! At my neices birthday last month I got DD and DNephew a little present so they didn't feel left out but they were a colouring book each from poundland and that's close family. Anyone else want presents for their kids for the hell of it and I'd tell them to bugger off!

porcamiseria · 18/07/2010 09:14

no fucking way! what a twat
unless you get them a kinder egg each....

simple say NO we can't afford to

mummytime · 18/07/2010 09:30

My SIL has given unbirthday presents to my DC, it causes more disputes than anything. Especially if the birthday child would rather have the little thing their sibling got.

YANBU to say no, she needs to prepare her kids for life.

NotHereThanks · 18/07/2010 09:33

How bizarre! I've never been one for siblings presents even with a new addition, our dcs have chosen gifts fro the baby but not the other way round.

proudnsad · 18/07/2010 09:34

This is a joke right?

MumNWLondon · 18/07/2010 09:35

WTF????

I guess you have five choices:

  1. Only buy a present for the birthday child (ie ignore her request)
  1. Buy 4 very small presents (am thinking buy a pack of 4 books from the book people and split them - thats probably what I would do to not rock the boat) so overall you spend the same as one present.
  1. Don't take any presents but still send your child to party - and send her message that you have not bought any presents so its all equal (I'd love to have the guts to do this!)
  1. Say you can't manage the party.

Although I like the idea of the SIblings without rivarly book, maybe just buy that and nothing else.

borderslass · 18/07/2010 09:38

My parents used to do this for mine and my sisters kids up to the age of 3 or 4 but not when they got older BUT it was only something like a colouring book nothing big, would never of asked anyone else to do it especially a none family member. I told them we didn't approve but apparently they did it with us although we don't remember that far back.

mysteryfairy · 18/07/2010 10:04

I usually get something for my DD on her brothers' birthdays. This is because both their birthdays are in the month before xmas. DD's birthday is two weeks after xmas so I feel by the time it gets to the boys birthdays it is a very long time from a child perspective since she has had a present to open, plus she is six years younger than DS2 and both boys dote on her and are actually happier if she has something. I don't give the boys anything on her birthday as they have both just had masses of birthday and xmas presents. I did when they were younger though - just some token I had picked up in the conveniently timed sales.

Similarly I have just sent birthday presents for my sister's two girls who have very close birthdays. There is a tiny token in the parcel for my nephew. He has his birthday in December and is only little. Plus each of the three have the same token and it is something useful for the summer holidays.

I'm sure lots of MNetters do ad hoc things like this but this woman is seriously weird. Imagine the amount of tat she will end up with if she asks all potential givers to do this! I would buy a tin of nice choccy biscuits and one card and address both to all four siblings. You will be doing her and the environment a favour as she won't end up with loads of junk in her house.

sowhatis · 18/07/2010 10:08

i never get my ds's something on the other ones birthday, thats wierd IMO.

Let the birthday child hae its day, the others will have theirs.

if i had this request id say no way.

mumbar · 18/07/2010 10:23

my friend has 2 dd's 18months apart. This year she decided to have a party for them both on dd2 birthday (june) but it was joint as dd1 often misses out as birthday boxing day.

I bought dd's xmas pressies and dd1 b'ay pressie and therefore on joint party dd2 only got a pressie as dd1 had had hers. I gave dd2 the pressie the day before the party just to make things a bit easier for dd1 but she was fine with it and perfectly understanding and they are only 5+6!!

very shocked that you were asked that does it mean you will have to provide 16 presents over the year for 4 dc's

char3mum · 18/07/2010 10:24

I do buy my children a gift on eachothers birthday, however i wouldn't dream of asking other people to do the same they would think i'd got a screw loose

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 18/07/2010 10:33

I don't get invited to the other birthdays, just the oldest ds.
I still have a problem with it though, the more I read your messages the more I realise it is out of order

OP posts:
NotHereThanks · 18/07/2010 10:46

I'nm a very [shocked] at all the parents who buy their dcs presents when it's not their actual birthday. My dcs enjoy eachothers birthdays and making it special for their sibling, one year dc1 let dc3 open two of his presents because he felt sorry for her, she was fine, but other than that I am very proud that they can stand back and ensure someone else has a nice time.

MassiveBumperlicious · 18/07/2010 13:04

I think the fact that she is even expecting a present for the birthday child is a check - naturally you'd take one, but I would never presume anyone would be getting my DD a present (in fact I was overwhelmed by what she got for her 3rd birthday party).

Absolutely ridiculous, and very rude of her to ask.

Has she asked this of all the other guests? I would just ignore the request. What is she going to do about it if you don't take the other presents?

MassiveBumperlicious · 18/07/2010 13:08

cheek not check

pozzling · 18/07/2010 13:24

As the youngest of four I always treasured my birthday as it was the one day in the year when I was the 'special one'- my presents, my choice of food etc. I would have been quite put out if my siblings also had presents.

On the other hand, I also enjoyed my sibling's birthdays- the fun then was choosing their present, writing the card, helping to ice cakes- oh and watching them open their presents.

How can you teach the joy of giving if they expect to receive something every time as well?

Gay40 · 18/07/2010 13:29

Freaks. People who get their kids non-birthday presents on their other kids bithdays are just weird.
Left out?????? Disappointed? Get a fking grip.

My answer to this insane woman: "Yes, I would mind, and I'm not going to collude with your crazy arse parenting."

NotHereThanks · 18/07/2010 13:47

I like the idea that you take nothing for any, explaining that you didn't want to leae anyone out. OR donate a goat to Africa on behalf of the birthday child, to teach the gift of giving.

Clary · 19/07/2010 01:01

YY agree with all others it's totally bizarre.

I have never bought presents for any of my DC on the others' b/days either, I think it's odd and unnecessary.

They all seem to cope OK.

Rudest thing is that she is expecting any gifts at all tbh. I never assume ppl will bring gifts, and only make suggestions if specifically asked.

Does the mum make this request of all attendees or just you MrsR? And if just you, why?

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 19/07/2010 11:01

Spoke to another mum at the school this morning and yes, she has asked everyone to bring extra gifts.
No one is planning to actually go along with it
They think it's bonkers

OP posts:
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