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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think a 35 year old man should NOT be playing on an xbox?

42 replies

xboxwife · 17/07/2010 10:25

MY DH's obsession with his xbox is getting me down. He is 35 and we have 2 dd's, 1 of whom is only 4 months old. Have name changed as feel so embarrassed.

Came downstairs last week to find the baby screaming in her bouncy chair. DH was glued to his war game on the x box shooting random players, while frantically rocking dd in her bouncy chair. The reason she was screaming was because the head rest part of the chair had fallen over her mouth, she was struggling to breathe. DH hadn't even noticed, too busy playing his game. Naturally I went ballistic and it resulted in DH packing the blasted console away and promising he was 'giving it up'. However, he is back playing on it again. He spends hours on it, before he goes to work, when he gets home from work, at weekends. Sometimes he doesn't come to bed til gone midnight so great is the obsession.

I am sick to death of it. When I take the baby out for a few hours I leave dd at home with a promise from DH he will play with her, take her out on her bike etc but usually get home to find he's been playing his violent war game and she's left to play on her own.

Now I know people need a hobby and DH does work hard during the week at work but surely to god it is NOT normal for this level of addiction in a grown man? AIBU?

OP posts:
nannynick · 17/07/2010 10:31

YANBU - You need to get him to understand that he's a dad now and need to spend more quality time with his DD and also with you.

Not sure how you will do that though... does he see the game playing as an addiction?

NanBullen · 17/07/2010 10:33

you're right, it is an additction and he either needs help or go cold turkey. I would personally sell the blasted thing on ebay/give it away/bin it but only you know how he would react to that!

You wouldn't put up with this behaviour in a child so why put up with it in an adult?

Original poster
xboxwife · 17/07/2010 10:33

yes he does recognise it as an addiction but carries on regardless. We have agreed he needs to buy another tv and play the damn thing in another part of the house. At the moment we have one tv which means he plays it in the lounge so no-one else can watch tv. I find it embarrassing listening to him negotiating with dd when she wants to watch her fifi dvd 'one more game then you can watch your programme'.

OP posts:
Onetoomanycornettos · 17/07/2010 10:33

I would be worried that your older daughter might walk into the room and see the violent war game if she's playing, it's just not suitable unless the children are in bed and won't come downstairs. I would set a limit around that, if nothing else.

secunda · 17/07/2010 10:35

Your baby could have died
And yes, I personally find those war games completely horrible.

Ladyanonymous · 17/07/2010 10:36

Explain to him how its making you feel and tell him either the game goes or you will - or restrist him to an hour a day at the least. Things like this can destroy relationships and the ability to have spontaneous conversation.

I have a similar but less severe problem with my OH and his fucking iphone.

bytheMoonlight · 17/07/2010 10:36

Playing live on the Xbox can be addicitve and obv. your dh has a problem because its getting in the way of his normal life.

Packing it away altogether is extreme as its a release for him and something he enojoys.

Both dh and I enjoy the Xbox but we never play it when the dc are awake as its far too violent for little ones.

Maybe introducing a rule abut it being too violent in front of your dd will help reduce the amount of time he spends on it and also force him to interact with her more.

YANBU but comprimise is the only thing thing that is going to work, extreme action will only resort in more tension

ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 17/07/2010 10:38

Cut off the plug. Problem solved

PhoenixReborn · 17/07/2010 10:42

Him playing on xbox now and again when the kids are in bed not a problem

What he is doing is feeding his addiction and he needs to realise it pixels on a screen should not come before his family He needs to be banned from playing when the kids are up if he can control himself just remove the wire that connects the xbox to the tv

Morloth · 17/07/2010 10:49

the xbox is not the problem - your`DH is. How can you "ban" an adult from doing something legal in their own home?

valiumSingleton · 17/07/2010 10:51

well i agree with you. I think they're awful yokes.

proudnsad · 17/07/2010 10:52

YOU ARE NOT BEING UNREASONABLE!!!!!!!!!

TechLovingDad · 17/07/2010 10:56

Your DH is an arsehole.

I'm 37 and love my xbox. It only goes on after DD is in bed, usually after DW is in bed. Unless DD has friends over and they play in the garden with DW watching them. If I'm watching them, then I'm watching them, xbox is switched off and untouched.

I never play anthing violent if DD or her friends are around.

TechLovingDad · 17/07/2010 10:57

Wait til he goes to work and then sell it on ebay or chuck it out.

If he gets another TV, he'll sit with that all the time and still ignore your baby.

MrsChemist · 17/07/2010 10:58

YANBU, I've had this exact same thing. Went for a bath, could hear DS (about 3mo at the time) crying, came downstairs and DH was just ignoring him and playing on his xbox.

DH now says he thinks he had PND, which is why he retreated into his games.

He still plays now, but very rarely, and we have a rule in our house that he doesn't play them when DS is around because they can be violent.

Having said that, if your DH could play occasionally, there would be nothing wrong with him doing so; it's the constant playing that's a problem.

MrsJohnDeere · 17/07/2010 11:01

The rule here is that dh only plays on it once the dcs are asleep.

I'd be tempted to 'break' it somehow when he is at work.

zeno · 17/07/2010 11:25

Oh dear. Tricky for you to have to push him to sort himself out on this.

The games are very compelling and addictive to play, which means people can be very cross when asked to step away from the console.

Best strategy is usually to limit gaming to times when little ones are not awake. Ruthlessly sticking to this will help with re-engaging with real world stuff. Can you spend more time out and about as a whole family to help him through the difficult bits when he's really wanting to play?

Good luck, and be strong.

AngelsOnHigh · 17/07/2010 12:43

Where are the DCs' now. You on MN and DH on xbox

sarah293 · 17/07/2010 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

fairycake123 · 17/07/2010 13:10

How can you scream if you are struggling to breathe?

MrsY · 17/07/2010 13:14

It's not unreasonable for him to play it once and a while, but you need to make it clear that it should fit in around your families needs, not the other way around.]

My husband plays quite a lot, but I'm tending to my farm on facebook quite a lot!!!

I have to say though, I gave him free reign when I was pg assuming that he wouldn't get a chance after our daughter was born, but he still manages 4 nights a week. If I ask him to turn it off, he will, though...

RustyBear · 17/07/2010 13:20

If he agrees he is addicted & wants to change, have a look at the Family timer on the xbox -I'm not sure if you can set it to certain times only, or just restrict the amount of time he plays for, but that would be a start.

Multimummy · 17/07/2010 16:34

Personally I'd fetch a large bucket of water..... unplug the xbox - and drop it in!!!

If he suffers stress or something he'd be far better off going for a nice healthy run instead.

clare8888 · 17/07/2010 16:53

My other half loves his Xbox (I should hope so - I bought it for him ) he often plays while looking after our baby and is always straight on the case when she needs him (faster than I would be pottering around doing whatever I am doing) Agreed he shouldn't be ignoring your little one but how many people spend hours on MN for example - no worse than xbox IMO

CarmenSanDiego · 17/07/2010 17:07

There's nothing wrong with an XBox or any other video game (I and dh both play on occasion and Modern Warfare is an incredible game... there's more to it than a 'violent war game') but if your dh is incapable of looking after his baby whilst playing, then that's the real issue.

Totally agree with Clare that it's absolutely no worse than wasting time chattering on Mumsnet.