to think a 35 year old man should NOT be playing on an xbox?

[xboxwife]

MY DH's obsession with his xbox is getting me down. He is 35 and we have 2 dd's, 1 of whom is only 4 months old. Have name changed as feel so embarrassed.

Came downstairs last week to find the baby screaming in her bouncy chair. DH was glued to his war game on the x box shooting random players, while frantically rocking dd in her bouncy chair. The reason she was screaming was because the head rest part of the chair had fallen over her mouth, she was struggling to breathe. DH hadn't even noticed, too busy playing his game. Naturally I went ballistic and it resulted in DH packing the blasted console away and promising he was 'giving it up'. However, he is back playing on it again. He spends hours on it, before he goes to work, when he gets home from work, at weekends. Sometimes he doesn't come to bed til gone midnight so great is the obsession.

I am sick to death of it. When I take the baby out for a few hours I leave dd at home with a promise from DH he will play with her, take her out on her bike etc but usually get home to find he's been playing his violent war game and she's left to play on her own.

Now I know people need a hobby and DH does work hard during the week at work but surely to god it is NOT normal for this level of addiction in a grown man? AIBU?

I agree with carmensandiego and claire8888 dont see any problem with playing COD when the kids are awake as long as you care for them when they need it. Obviously if he is not doing this then you should discuss this with him. I dont think there are many men nowadays who arent mad on COD lol.

Same Techlovingdad, my dh is a geek and loves his tech, he has 3 consoles, and oodles of games, Warcraft, Gears of War, MGS, he works as a Softwear Engineer, and before we were married used to game a lot. Now since dd 3.4 was born he just plays when she goes to bed and sometimes at the weekend, not like your dh. If dh is looking after dd he will dedicate all of his time to her. This is not right, not to notice that his dd was nearly suffocating fgs he has a problem and has to get help.

You are not being unreasonable at all. He should give it up and get rid of it completely. He'll feel better about himself too (once he gets over the 'addiction')

He's too old for computer games. A lot of people in their twenties and thirties seem to think playing computer games is ok - but really, its not.

I am the same age as your DH, and I would feel really silly plugging a games consol into the telly in front of my wife and kids.

He's wasting his time and missing out on other things. He could use that time to spend time with the kids, do exercise, housework, parenting, further his career or learn something new etc.

This doesn't mean you can throw it in the bin though. He needs to realise there is more to life than clicking buttons and staring at the screen. Maybe he can give it to one of your friends / relatives children as a gift. An 8 - 14 year old would love it.

I just hope he doesnt get addicted to mumsnet instead ;-)

"He's too old for computer games"

Yes, make him buy some carpet slippers and a pipe and settle down to watch Antiques Roadshow.

He shouldn't be ignoring s children in favour of playing computer games though.

Perhaps you could give up mumsnet in return for him giving up his games. After all, surely chatting on a computer is not for grown ups.

The addiction isn't normal

But DH is older and plays with his Wii (oo er- sorry Nontendo*) and why not? I suspect teh sight of him in the window playing just Dance and Samba Des Amigos provides amusement for many a passing student

So its the addiciotn that is the issue rather than the Xbox.

And we don;t have violent agmes in the house, as we don't want ds's exposed but am a but grrr as at school yesterday ds1 was playing alien v predator (still undecided as to whther to mention after hols)

here

*clearly I am childish too

DP used to play on his XBox loads but stopped once we had children, but he seems to have recently moved onto playing similar games on his iPhone - from as soon as he wakes up, even while we're having breakfast (he holds it under the table on his lap thinking we can't see him

When he's been at work all day and kids have been at nursery and he only has an hour to spend with them before bedtime he'll spend the majority of that time staring at his fecking iPhone and ignoring the DCs.

Sorry, started into my own rant then! I don't think age has got anything to do with it - you can enjoy playing games at any age - its just when the DCs get ignored because of it that I think it out of order. I've tried talking to DP about it, and always tell him I think he's being rude playing on it at the dinner table (the DCs are going to grow up thinking its fine to ignore everyone at mealtimes FGS). But its not stopped him.

The suggestions for throwing/giving your DH's XBox away sound tempting but if your DH is anything like mine he'd go mad - he'd probably say i'm treating him like a child (and then probably go out and buy another one!)

So I'm not sure what to suggest, other than to keep pointing out how its detrimental to your children. But I feel your pain.

SoupDragon - the man was so engrossed in playing the computer game that he never noticed his baby was fighting to breathe. This woman has a legitmate concern here.

I only said he was too old for computer games. I never suggested he sits around on his backside smoking like some andy capp figure.

I really hope he doesn't get onto mumsnet, he might come across your dull banter.

LOL

I don't think a 35y is too old for playing computer games. I don't think any age is too old to enjoy playing a game.

However, if it becomes an obsession and means that things are not being done or family memebers are being neglected - then yes it is a problem. just like if he was playing sport all the time, watching films obsessively, or even working obsessively IMO.

When you become a parent you have to become more responsible and that you have to put those children first.

Now, being too engrossed to notice your baby is in danger is never good and he does need to take heed of that.

He does not need to get rid of his games. he needs to know that there is a time and place to play them, and that when he is with his children then they come first.

I hate x boxes. Have told my dh that when we have a baby it's being locked away in a cupboard. My kids won't be playing computer games and I really hate it when you see parents playing on them for hours instead of playing properly with their children, or helping their partners around the house.

My BIL is terrible at this- spending hours on it and letting his young son play it for hours to keep him quiet. What's wrong with playing football, painting, reading, going for walks in the woods?

Do you not have a baby yet then rubber?

Do you think babies need every second filled with play (not sueprvision, obv they need that?)

I would argue that they need time to explaore and develop imagination alone, and that a parent playing on a game is fine alongside sensible care and game choice

My boys have DS / DSi's and they ahve been life savers for long journeys / hospital appts etc- they read well for tehir age as well, so are interchangeable with books.

If they start geting possesive of tehm they lose them for a week and get taken to teh bookshelf instead.

A little bit of everything etc

DH playing war games now. He only ever plays once dc's are in bed. Your children shoulldn't be exposed to that sort of violence.

A 35 year old man playing on an X box is fine. But not to the extent your DH does and not so they are so engrossed thay don't notice thier child is in distreaa, So YANBU

Nothing wrong with playing football and nothing wrong with playing video games. They develop different skillsets.

Video games have considerable benefits for hand-eye co-ordination, strategic thinking, problem-solving, logic and depending on the game may develop other skills like navigation, ordinal points, reading, creativity and social skills.

The military uses XBox controllers for many of their robotic and remote devices.

It's a valid hobby at any age. But like anything else, shouldn't come before family or other responsibilities. WoW and its ilk are particularly bad for being overly addictive for adults and children because they don't have a natural end.

Tootskeeper, did you miss the bit where I said he shouldn't be ignoring his children to play the games?

Those who say hes too old to be playing them, what do you think is a suitable activity for a 35 year old?? Do we have to do things according to our age rather than what we enjoy? Presumably none of you have, for example, read Harry Potter given that it is a childrens book?

There is no doubt there is an addiction in this case but to say he is too old is ridiculous IMO.

I doubt dancing wildly to eighties tracks in teh car is suitable behaviour for a 37 year old but I do and it seemed to amuse the undercover police filming me today in hysterics as DH later pointed out...

But at elast I can keep an eye on the kids whilst doing it