to feel bereft at non "mum" status?

[Honeywitch]

Two days ago I was a mumsnetter with the excited anticipation of being a mummy for the first time at 40.

Unfortunately our scan showed a missed mc at 8 weeks - I feel so annoyed that I am no longer a "proper mumsnetter" but a childless lady again.

I know it's really silly (cos I'm not that addicted to mumsnet!) but I feel so angry at this. Might be because I;m trying to be positive in other areas (good job, supportive family and friens), 7 siamese kittens... So am now going to rant.

HOW DARE MUMSNET BE FOR MUMS ANDS NOT FOR ME. APART FROM THE RUBBISH MISCARRIAGE THREAD THAT NOBODY GOES ON UNLESS THEY'VE LOST THEIR MUMMY STATUS TOO!!!

(That feels a bit better - I can't do angry at home - it might frighten the kittens.)

so sorry to hear that.
of course you are a mumsnetter

Mumsnets is for you too x
Sorry about the mc - happened to me too.

Oh no that is very sad.

Do you think you will try again? (sorry if that's an insensitive question)

of your Siamese kittens

You are definitely qualified to be a fully-fledged Mumsnetter: anyone who wants to be a mother has 100% status .

And so sorry to hear of your miscarriage.

am so sorry

Here is the place for you
so sorry for your loss
pls don't go, you can get loads of advice, support and humour on here

Poor you - its a shitty shitty thing to happen.

Of course you are a proper mn-er. There are all ^sorts on here .

once a mumsnetter always a mumsnetter.

It doesn't matter how you found us - you did, and now you're one of us (whether you like it or not!) and there are plenty of us around who aren't mums.

I'm so sorry that this happened to you, a lot of us have been through mcs and I know it's SHIT. I know you'll get lots of support from the mc threads if you want to go there, but if you would rather not, you don't have to.

and you can deffo do angry here, we're apparently rather good at that

Thanks for your nice thoughts.
I know it happens a lot - my mum's niece had 6 mcs and now has 5 children, but I'm fed up of being reasonanle and looking at the bright side. Praqctically and intellectually it's all good, but I don't seem to have an arena for the emotional bit. My DP is enormously practical and very much the strong silent type, and I don't want to lose it in front of him in case he says "if it's going to make you tnis unhappy perhaps we should stop?"

so sorry about the miscarriage and you are still a mumsnetter. For what its worth I have had 3 miscarraiges and have 3 children (pregnant with 4th) and actually consider myself a mum to 7.

honeywitch - its not easy. i have had 2 mcs, (one ds in between) am trying to conceive again at 39.

there's plenty of mumsnetters that are trying to conceive on here, with loads of brilliant advice so you are fully eligible to be on here.

fwiw i have just introduced my 57 year old male work colleague to the delights of mumsnet, as its the only reliable source of campsite reviews!

welcome. btw taking magnesium supplements and eating lots of sweet potato is supposed to help prevent miscarriages

Ooh, I like sweet potato!

Sorry to hear about mc's but don't believe you have to be a mum to be on here! As long as you aren't a journo looking for fodder you are more than welcome. Besides you want to be a mummy, are trying to be a mummy and are a surrogate mummy to siamese (who are infinitely harder work than a toddler if anything like my MIL's!)

Good luck and don't give up just yet! Hope to see you around more.

(I find myself more on threads about AIBU - for entertainment and BP, housekeeping for good tips, money matters......rarely about children!)

you dont have to be reasonable at all. be totally unreasonable. we all are. mumsnetters are not just mums, they are dads and students and people and friends with a wicked sense of humour.

say to your DH what you just said, and say 'i want this, but i also want to be upset for a bit' have an enormous hug.

i have lost a baby also. let yourself be angry. and for gods sake do something you love doing, whether thats eating an entire chocolate cake or shagging your DP or watching shitty tv.

Very sorry to hear about you m/c..

I hope you stay, you sound so lovely.

x

Thank you all very much!

Yes, Siamese are fantastically attention-seeking, which is a lovely distraction. I have 5 on my knee, one on the keyboard and two crying for attention on the telly. I have them till September, so should get me over first hurdles.

The background to this is 2 failed ivf cycles and then this unbelievable natural pregnancy - at least I do know it can happen, so there may be hope for the future.

have you read the fertility diet by sarah dobbyn?

Dear god, how many Siamese do you have? You will find children a doddle after that many Siamese, I'm sure.

Of course you are a mumsnetter; never think otherwise.

Best of luck for the future!

Haven't read it - will amazon it.

They are 4 weeks and just starting to really show their personalities. Two tabby points, one lilac point, two dark tabby orientals, 1 cinnamon tabby oriental, 1 blue point with the biggest ears ever - he looks like he could take off with enough of a run-up!

There's pics on facebook but I will make a website for them in august - I'm just waiting for the prefix to come through (and to decide which one to to keep!) before putting pics up or they will all be spoken for before I know it!

Please don't think you can't belong. If you only knew how out of place many mothers feel, amongst other mothers if they are not "right" for one another!

And the experience of miscarriage is a maternal experience. So is infertility (which can mean complete childlessness!). Some people are here working their way through their relationships with their own parents.

I hope you find your niche on MN, too!

lemonysweet - excellent advice btw.

Hi Honeywitch - sorry that you have had to leave the Feb'10 board - so did I. Have now experienced 9 mcs and an ectopic so I do understand how shitty you feel (but I do have 3 beautiful dd's too)
Everyone has made you welcome on this thread - and I do understand that the mc boards can be too dark and gloomy when you are trying to keep upbeat and positive - stick around and just join in wherever and whenever!!
BTW i have three kittens at the mo - don't know what i would do with 7!!