To not want DP to boast about going to a lapdancing club?

[flibbertigibbert]

A few months ago DP went to a lapdancing club. He'd never been before but has a friend who comes from a country which apparently doesn't have anything like that who wanted to visit one before he went back home. DP's friend is very rich and he (the friend) ended up spending £600 for the 4 of them.

DP claimed not to have enjoyed the experience - he said he thought it was a rip off and doesn't like the page 3 look and he wouldn't go to one again. I gave him a big lecture about how anti-feminist those places are but he'd already had a debate with one of the dancers about it.

The other day we were out with friends and the subject of expensive clubs came up when DP chipped in with 'when I went to xxxxx (insert name of very well known lapdancing club) we ran up a £600 bill.'

I was extremely angry with him. I felt it was hugely disrespectful to boast about going to a lapdancing club in front of me. The timing was pretty bad as I'd been to the doctor earlier that day about my weight and been told I should lose 3 stones, so I was feeling more insecure than usual.

He couldn't work out why I was so annoyed. Was I being unreasonable to be annoyed or was I just being oversensitive? He isn't usually like that, but he'd had a bit to drink (a very rare occurrance), which always makes him more brash.

ali and larry, are you a MN couple?

Cretian dittany is the real stuff. Used in incense as well I think and popular with witches/ Wiccans. Burning bush is false dittany or white dittany.

It is a bit obtuse I suppose, and I have a bizarre sense of humour. DH thinks I shouldn't explain it as you'll be offended but er, burning bush = flaming fanny.....

but it's all very tongue in cheek, as I can't see any feminist condoning the word bush in reference to a woman, hence the burning of idignation, fury, passion for the cause etc.....

(wanders off to get herself a bigger spade)

no one should be picking out women (or men) like handbag. it's a very tacky turn of phrase, to say the least, and nothing to be proud of or turned on by.

for the OP, i would be angry too, because it makes your DP look like he's showing off about something really not worth a boast.

Well I think it sounds just perfect.

(Said in a Julie Andrews voice BTW, not a snidey one!)

Absolutely!

No YANBU - pesonaally would have taken him to task on this one publicly - if its ok to humilliate you in fornt of friends then I guess its ok for you too!.

Seriously LDC's are grimey places for grimey people.

Absolutely!

Sorry. X-post with QueeferSutherland and Firefox doing something weird after I lost wireless connection.

Wow there are a lot of replies. Sorry, I've been out all evening.

From what I gathered, DP talked to the dancer at length. She had a job in the City which paid well but meant that she only just got home in time to put her daughter to bed.

She now works 3 nights a week and earns more as a lapdancer than she did in the City, and gets to spend a lot more time with her DD, including taking her to Disney World.

In the case of that particular club, it seems that the women working there do very well and are there of their own free will, but then there are so many terrible cases of women being exploited in that industry. DP made the point that you can't eat out in London without supporting the bosses paying immigrants a pittance to wash dishes and asked me to think of an industry that wasn't built on exploitation.

Anyway, DP has apologised for what he said. It was quite an out of character remark for him.

I'm glad you got it sorted out with him.

Dittany,

You are unbelievable. You are an uber feminist and yet you believe men can TELL women what to do with their bodies, as if they have no free will. A man is OFFERING money to a woman to do an erotic dance. A woman can accept or refuse. It is a matter of free choice.

Please tell me your take on the Chippendales then, or male kissograms, for instance? Is that women exploiting men due to their higher earning power, or is there some completely different explanation when it is women paying men?

En passant, banning fast food hamburger joints would have some merit but that is a discussion for another day and another board. Certainly do a lot more harm than lapdancing!

I went once with husband, we were plastered, ended up having a girl lap dance for both of us. It did feel wrong but hey, you only live once, I won't be doing it again. Felt sorry for the girl who was learning from an older one. I don't tell many about it!

Some women clearly do make good money from lapdancing, but they are just part of a much larger sex industry where most women do not. I don't think it is possible to separate the two and say well it's fine for men to go to these clubs because these women aren't exploited.

To the OP, am glad your DP apologised. Much like you, I would be unhappy about my DP going there but this would be nothing compared to how upset I would be about him boasting about it. That is just gross and you have every right to be annoyed.

Am always about women who are so supportive of their partners going to strip clubs. I think nowadays it's seen as so acceptable and almost treated in some sort of ironic way, like feminism is no longer relevant. Very odd.

IMHO, you husband was talking about the cost, and putting his bit of experience into the conversation you were having at the time. I think you are overthinking it TBH.

You told him you were not happy, he said he didn't enjoy it, should be the end of. However, he did have a one off life experience, something he WON'T want to do again, but it can't be blocked out of his mind, so he may refer to it occasionally. Not to upset you, but because it happened. You can't get around that, and need to find some way of coming to terms with it.