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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to tell a mum she was endangering her baby.

54 replies

stubbornhubby · 14/07/2010 22:44

I was playing petanque on Sunday in a competition in Battersea Park...

petanque = boules = french game, like bowls, played with steel balls about the size of a tennis ball, weigh 0.7kg
these things which are chucked around on a gravelly terrain.

Anyway there were about 150 people playing on 20 marked out areas on a large piste...

...and about 2m from the piste a family were picnicing with a small baby. Small as in unable to sit up. Lying on mat.

After five minutes I spoke to them and told then they really shouldn't have a baby that close to the piste: boule are often 'bombed' where you throw a boule to hit another one, and the boule can shoot off at great speed in all directions. They can easily travel 10-15m off piste., Anyone who has seen this game will know what I mean. If a ball hits an adult on the ankle it hurts. A lot. If it hit a baby....

But the mum of course went ape.

She even came on to the terrain to tell me off. I shrugged, because I was right and she was wrong....

... but perhaps I should have said nothing...

Is it ever right to poke your nose in?

OP posts:
otchayaniye · 14/07/2010 22:46

does jewish shoulder shrug

GazzasDressingGown · 14/07/2010 22:47

I guess you were just trying to help,but +100000 points for ponciness re Petanque

(and I am part French) lol

BabyDubsEverywhere · 14/07/2010 22:47

Well i suppose it would depend on how it was said, the tone etc, but i think you were being kind to tell them really, I cant see why she had reason to be pissy with you? Some people amaze me.

DoYouWantToKnowASecret · 14/07/2010 22:48

'I was right and she was wrong....'
YABU just for saying this.

MudandRoses · 14/07/2010 22:51

It does rather depend on how you said it - ie "you are endangering your child by sitting near our petanque game, you stupid woman" tone opposed to "Sorry to interrupt but I was a bit concerned in case one of the balls hurts your little one" tone....

ArsMamatoria · 14/07/2010 22:53

Well it depends on how you put it. Not everyone knows how such games work.

A polite, 'Sorry to bother you but I was just wondering whether you were aware that...' would make me feel grateful to the person who said it.

On the other hand, someone who bustled up and said something along the lines of, 'That's really dangerous to put your baby there, you know' - as if I didn't care about my baby's safety, would make me feel instantly defensive and cross.

ArsMamatoria · 14/07/2010 22:54

X post with MudandRoses..;

2shoes · 14/07/2010 22:55

maybe she wondered why she was being told where to be in a public park

mylittlemonkey · 14/07/2010 23:35

YANBU as you were saying this with the baby's best interests at heart and better to be safe than sorry. Unfortunately she took it the wrong way but better she shout at you than you not say anything and her baby get hurt.

maryz · 14/07/2010 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

booyhoo · 14/07/2010 23:49

i think you were totally right to say in that situation. can you imagine if the baby had been hit with one of the boules? it could have cause serious brain damage or worse.

i think as long as you said it in a way that came across as concern rather than, "you silly woman, move that child." then you are ok.

SolidGoldBrass · 14/07/2010 23:49

Given the tone of your post, you probably came over as a self-rightous twat to the family. While you were, by the sound of it, techinically in the right to warn them, going over and getting all officious and condescending would have been very counterproductive.
Next time, send the player with the social skills over, eh?

booyhoo · 14/07/2010 23:50

SH did she move?

singsinthebath · 15/07/2010 00:30

YABU to explain "petanque" in such patronising detail (down to the exact weight of the ball ffs).

YANBU to mention it to the family but as others have suggested maybe the -neglectful- mother needed a bit of -buttering- -up- persuading.

singsinthebath · 15/07/2010 00:31

Oh bugger it, forgot i needed two hyphens....

bluecardi · 15/07/2010 00:33

It's not the mums fault - you need to mark out a safety zone around the piste so people know where to sit.

LacksDaisies · 15/07/2010 00:44

YWBU, (and more than a wee bit poncey); if you were telling them rather than suggesting to them, then not surprising that they took it badly.

expatinscotland · 15/07/2010 00:47

I'd have said nothing. Especially as a foreigner. 'Les anglais fous'. That's probably what came in her mind first. That whole petanque thing. It's just sort of a national thing. I never got it. I just dived in. Was good at it for all the bowling and shooting I used to do.

expatinscotland · 15/07/2010 00:48

C'mon, those boules never go that fast.

Original poster
stubbornhubby · 15/07/2010 08:58

bombing boule go pretty fast, expat - have a look at the second and third ones here - especially the third one at about 50s.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzspKAGaKe4&feature=related

After a bomb they travel along the ground so boule-in-the ankle is normally the worst it gets, but if you were lying on the ground and got a boule in the head - well you'd know about it.

  • She said that the baby was OK where it was.
  • we carried on playing (with other games to the left and right of us)
  • Then she came onto to the terrain and said she had chosen that spot carefully (I am not sure what for) and it was a good spot and the baby was fine.
  • then after a copuple of minutes they moved about 15m back.
OP posts:
Rollmops · 15/07/2010 09:00

You were not at all unreasonable, in fact, you did the right thing by warning the family of the potential danger to them and baby.
However, some, not the brightest members of the society, have grand sense of entitlement when it comes to public funds parks, etc. and went all like, ballistic, like, when spoken to, innit.....
[counts minutes until the first whack with Primark bag]

chandellina · 15/07/2010 09:32

well you acheived your aim and no one got hurt.
your were not unreasonable, just helpful.

Sakura · 15/07/2010 09:58

YABU
They were there before you, weren't they. You went over after 5 mins of playing, but they'd arrived there earlier, picnicing, when you went over to tell them they were endangering their baby.

traceybath · 15/07/2010 10:02

Were you the woman sakura?

As others have said - its all in the way you said it really.

Ronaldinhio · 15/07/2010 10:02

no one likes to be told they are endangering their child
even if they are

if you felt that you made the right choice for your piece of mind then you made the right choice