to tell a mum she was endangering her baby.

[stubbornhubby]

I was playing petanque on Sunday in a competition in Battersea Park...

petanque = boules = french game, like bowls, played with steel balls about the size of a tennis ball, weigh 0.7kg
these things which are chucked around on a gravelly terrain.

Anyway there were about 150 people playing on 20 marked out areas on a large piste...

...and about 2m from the piste a family were picnicing with a small baby. Small as in unable to sit up. Lying on mat.

After five minutes I spoke to them and told then they really shouldn't have a baby that close to the piste: boule are often 'bombed' where you throw a boule to hit another one, and the boule can shoot off at great speed in all directions. They can easily travel 10-15m off piste., Anyone who has seen this game will know what I mean. If a ball hits an adult on the ankle it hurts. A lot. If it hit a baby....

But the mum of course went ape.

She even came on to the terrain to tell me off. I shrugged, because I was right and she was wrong....

... but perhaps I should have said nothing...

Is it ever right to poke your nose in?

YANBU, just considerate and helpful.

You probably made her feel a bit stupid and she didn't like it.

My Dad is President of the local Bowling Club. It does make me laugh that it is an old man's sport, where they all have to buy navy blazers and snazzy hats but if you use slightly different balls and call it petanque then it is poncy.

The folk I see playing petanque here in Switzerland/France tend to be old men with flat caps so not quite so poncy.

YANBU to warn her, but it does depend on the tone that you used.

of course you should warn her that you are putting her baby in danger by commencing a game.
I doN't think you can tell her that she's 'endangering her baby' when she was there before you started playing.

The OP stated this was a competition, with about 150 people playing on 20 marked out areas. So you can't reasonably expect them to move their games. If they had 20 marked out areas, she must have seen them, even if play hadn't yet commenced.

Personally, I would have appreciated the advice. I do suppose the reaction might have varied according to the way the advice was delivered.

YANBU. I agree that it can be upsetting, annoying or embarrassing when someone tells you that you might be endangering your DC. However it is their safety that's paramount and quite frankly I didn't have a clue about the dangers of petanque.

WHen DS (6m) and I go to watch DH play cricket, sometimes the opposition will condescendingly advise us to move as one of their batsmen has a skill for thwacking 6's exactly where we're sitting. (yeah right...) Although their tone and phrasing always gets my goat, I move because if anything should happen, it's just not worth thinking about.

i tried to phrase it politely. No doubt i could have done it better.
I expected to receive a negative reaction however I phrased it.

It was an organised competiion played all day from 11am to about 4pm, with I think about 40 teams, three players per team, part of bastille day celebrations (which attracted 1000s of people).

they were next to the terrain because they were watching the game. A lot of the teams had people with them, and lot of people, including players and supporters watched and picniced next to the piste - adults sitting ground next to a boule piste are going to feel pretty silly if a stray boule hits their elbow, but they aren't going to get seriously hurt. a baby is a bit different.

Just to be pedantic, why was it just the mum who was endangering her baby - surely the whole family had decided to sit there?!

I'm just saying the loaded sentence 'you're endangering your baby' was really uncalled for in this situation.
You could apologize for the inconvenience and politely ask them to move to make way for the game.

What is this petanque thing? I thought it was called boules.

I have no idea what Petanque is (and frankly i don't give a monkeys) but if i saw a marked out area and sat away from it then i wouldn't expect some nob with his poncy steel balls (that weigh 0.7kg don't you know ) to come and tell me to move especially if others are sat around trying to watch.

You TOLD the mother - no one likes being TOLD as if they are a naughty schoolchild. If you actually spoke to me like that I might have got a boule and dropped it on your foot.

• i told you the weight, sagacitynell only becasue I knew some people wouldn't know what I was on about (!)

• YunoYurbubson yeah, boules, petanque same game- in reality the game is petanque and the balls you use are boules, but english people often use 'boules' to mean the game.

for anyone else not familiar -

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzspKAGaKe4&feature=related

Oh, I missed the Battersea part. Says it all, really.

@ 'Next time, send the player with the social skills over, eh?'

I think you were probably trying to be helpful so int hat respect YANBU.

But can I ask when you say '...and about 2m from the piste a family were picnicing with a small baby. Small as in unable to sit up. Lying on mat.' Do you mean just mum and baby or mum, dad and baby etc? If mum and dad why did you choose to speak to just the mum, the baby's dad is just as responsible for his baby's safety.

insertwittynicknameHERE
I didn't choose the mum : there were three adults (perhaps four) with the baby. All sitting down, I was standing and I addressed them generally as a group, they didn't say much.

but then a few minutes later it was the mum who got up and came to talk to me, so it was her I actually had the conversation with (well, i assume she was the actual mum).

my team members and I didn't discuss it. initially we just ignored them but then I found myself lining up a shot: trying to hit a boule about 8m away, with the picnic mat directly in line about 8m beyond that and I thought to myself "this absurd, I can't chuck a boule in that direction" (bear in mind many of my bombs miss the target and sail straight through )

so I did the deed. I didn't think it would make me popular.

if they were there first yabvu!!!
why couldnt you go and say sorry we have to have this 'pentaque' tournament here it may be dangerous for your child, just to warn them in a nice way. not all this 'you are endangering your baby' actually you were the one endangering by chucking your balls around, the mum wasnt doing anything!

YANBU - you saw a potential danger and acted on it. You gave the mum/dad/group/whateva something to think about, even though they didn't like it at the time.

YANBU - your intentions were well meant

• the tournament started at 11am, played one big gravelly terrain marked out into different sections
• teams played matches on different sections in different rounds

• this happened about 2pm when we ended up playing on the section right next to them.

• I am sure they were sat there - right alonside the terrain - in order watch the competition (otherwise you'd choose some other spot in battersea park which covers 200 acres of lawns, lakes, a zoo even) I don't know for how long.