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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry with my friend for letting her little boy attack mine?

53 replies

DoYouWantToKnowASecret · 14/07/2010 20:39

Had a friend over for lunch today with a little boy the same age as mine (nearly 1)They were enjoying cheese on toast when her little boy, out of the blue, took my baby's food and then hit him. My friend did not explain to her baby that this is not on. I ALWAYS tell my child not to hit, even though he is only young. I think she was totally out of order. AIBU?

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 14/07/2010 21:32

that said when my friends 2 year old bit mine I was pissed off, so see where you are coming from..

notnowbernard · 14/07/2010 21:32

You will be LAUGHING YOUR ARSE off about this in 3 yrs time, trust me

Wait til your DS is the one who lamps another kid over the head with a Lego brick...

I speak from bitter experience

Seriously, don't let it affect your friendship!

mummysgoingmad · 14/07/2010 21:37

give it another shot, if the little boy hits you lo again i would tell your friend that they really shouldn't play one on one and perhaps its time to try something different, softplay perhaps.

I feel for you the same thing happened to me with a neighbour, i told her i couldn't let my ds be attacked in his own home and said i thought it was time to give the play date a miss. My ds is now very wary of other children at 19months and i think it could be connected to the little terror that he used to play with.

Again the little boys mother did nothing when he hit out to the point were i had to tell him off in front of her, i couldn't let it continue.

booyhoo · 14/07/2010 21:44

em, how do you thinking talking about it on here will get you reassurance that your friend will stop it next time??? you will only get that from speaking to your friend and asking her if she will. and btw, she might not. you find out alot about your friends when you see how they parent. and YADBU to think this was worth losing her over.

Original poster
DoYouWantToKnowASecret · 14/07/2010 21:51

She doesn't use mumsnet and would never see this. Just wanted to know whether it is normal to expect someone to stop their child from hitting another before I brought it up. I will discuss it with her as I think the consensus is that IABU to be so cross but IANBU to expect her to at least try and get the message across to her baby that this is wrong.
In short, I am being a trifle unreasonable, as someone so neatly put it.
Thanks once again for all your comments, it is hard to discuss this with real friends as they can all work out who you are talking about from the situation which can be awkward.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 21:56

Correcting too vociverously can backfire IMO, in babies this age. They can get a reward from a big loud reaction, and so do whatever it is, again. Distraction is often better

Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 22:01

... and making sure the other child is OK, and apologising to the victims mother, of course.

Lougle · 14/07/2010 22:08

Love it!

Original poster
DoYouWantToKnowASecret · 14/07/2010 22:09

Agreed, Jamie. I gave my baby a bottle and he chilled out so wasn't badly hurt, but distracted him from the pain. Should have asked friend to wave a bottle in front of her baby for distraction, works every time!

OP posts:
00000000000000 · 14/07/2010 22:13

distracted him from the pain? how much damage did the other baby inflict with his uncoordinated baby hands?

this is pfb dom at it's best

sanfairyann · 14/07/2010 22:14

just so long as you realise the only point to a lecture at that age is for the benefit of the listening parent,not the child. so yes, maybe a 'no, we don't hit' was in order = but only to make you feel better

zapostrophe · 14/07/2010 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

hogshead · 14/07/2010 22:18

oh heck DS (10 months) frequently steals' food from my DN (16 months), pulls his hair, beats him up, throws toys at him , generally annoys him, follows him round and is generally attrocious towards him. I'm constantly trying to stop him but DS is too fast and when caught out DS looks at me when i say no naughty' but seems to think its all a game and doesnt yet have the comprehension to understand consequences.

Cue much apologising on my behalf to SIL but she feels that they are only little and have to learn. Apparently DN is pretty much the same when i'm not watching.

Goodness knows what DS gets up to at nursery

SagacityNell · 14/07/2010 22:27

dear god, i was expecting a 7 year old to have gone at someone with a knife by the title

They are babies, there was no murder, they don't understand. Sit them apart next time and find a thicker skin. There is worse to come - or was that just my DSs?

letsblowthistacostand · 14/07/2010 22:32

ROFL at 'distracted him from the pain.'

My PFB is quite a delicate flower so I feel you but you must grow a thicker skin or you'll never be able to take your baby anywhere. The amount of smacks they get from other kids, intentional and accidental, is staggering. Half the time they don't even notice.

Original poster
DoYouWantToKnowASecret · 14/07/2010 22:32

OK, no knife crime, no one died. But what if she never explains that violence is wrong? Where will her child be then? Surely it is never too early to say 'no'...

OP posts:
SagacityNell · 14/07/2010 22:34

Well if she never explains that violence is wrong then she will have a hoodlum on her hands and its none of your business

sanfairyann · 14/07/2010 22:35

oh it'll just grow into those hoodie types who go round mugging old ladies

Original poster
DoYouWantToKnowASecret · 14/07/2010 22:55

That is the point, it will be my business if we stay friends. I don't think I can be friends with someone who will let her child run riot.

OP posts:
SagacityNell · 14/07/2010 23:01

4

Ingles2 · 14/07/2010 23:03

"I don't think I can be friends with someone who will let her child run riot."
Don't be so dramatic FFS...
he's 11 - 12 months, you've gone from a baby swipe to a hoodlum in a hoody in a second.
Stop being so PFB or it'll bite you in the arse.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 14/07/2010 23:27

You are hugely overthinking this. It was one incident, not the latest incident in a life of crime. It may be that it is the first time her child has done this and she was too gobsmacked to react - but will think about it and may be a bit more prepared next time. I would advise you not to lecture her, but to lead by example - when your child thumps hers, say 'No' in a firm tone, as you normally would do, and ask her if her child is OK.

I would also like to ask how hurt your child actually was - how much damage could a 1-year-old actually inflict?

Keep this in proportion - you don't want to lose a friendship over such a small incident and you don't want to teach your child that every minor thump from another child will be treated as a Major Incident by you, requiring loads of comfort and distraction.

colditz · 15/07/2010 00:32

Gosh, if you make this much of a fuss when he's one, imagine next year at toddler groups! All the children will be lining up to poke your son, simply for the viewing pleasure of watching you explode into a shower of overprotective rage.

llbeanj · 15/07/2010 01:41

Maybe she knows her child better than you do - and she knows that 'explaining' it to him was pointless, so decided to save her breath.

It was possibly a little tactless (as sanfairyann suggested), but it's hardly into the 'running riot' phase yet.

If it happens again in 12 years time, then come back and I'll say yanbu.

tryingtoleave · 15/07/2010 04:55

PMSL. Can't imagine how you are going to survive the next two years.

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