to think it's not funny to hit a child so that you leave a handprint?

[lecce]

I was shocked by a colleague today who was telling an anecdote about slapping her dd5 who had been refusing to follow instructions. She said she was a bit taken aback to see her handprint on the girl's shoulder.

I don't agree with smacking in any case but what really got to me was the tone she was using, it was so flippant and there was lots of eye-rolling as if to say, "What am I like?!"

I've never hit my dc, though I've often shouted at them louder than I ever intended to, and if I ever did lose it and leave a mark on them I would be mortified and not laughing about it in front of several people.

I felt awkward as she was expecting us to reciprocate with the laughter but I didn't find it funny. Don't you have to hit nuite hard to leave a print?

I know it's judgy, but AIBU?

Sorry not replying to op but to roseability. You are not an abuser, there is a world of difference between someone who abuses their child and mum who lost her temper and then felt thoroughly ashamed and apologised. You knew it was wrong. People who abuse children don't care. Hugs xx

I do believe the odd smack has its place in discipline, however, I do think there are a couple of odd things about this:-

1. A shoulder is a strange place to accidentally smack a child.

1. She was laughing about it.

If I was ever going to smack DS it would be on the bum and I wouldn't be laughing.

I'm at people suggesting to ring social services and the NSPCC.

I smack and was smacked as a child along with my 6 siblings. We are all perfectly happy and have fantastically strong relationships with our parents.

I didn't feel abused as a child and I certainly don't now.

My dc's are perfectly happy imo, however, if anyone on this thread feels I have abused my children by smacking them occasionally (and I have left a red mark before) then please CAT me and I shall happily give you all my details so you can report me.

Or you could just leave the professionals to get on with there already massively high workload and not waste their time.

I agree Jacqueline, by accounts then my dd should be removed from a mum and dad who throroughly love her to bits, and who she absolutely adores, to be placed in the care system or with strangers just for a smack. If that was the case SS and the care system would be inundated with children and would not be able to cope, though they would not admit it a lot of parents do smack. I dont think its right and thats why I want to change. A distinction should be made between a child enduring systematic and regular violent abuse and beatings, and a child with loving parents made stupid mistakes and smacked a child.

Of course abuse like those suffered by little Peter, and many many poor children who have died should be reported, and people should be vigilent but to ostracise someone for the odd smack is a bit As I said the op should point the friend in the right direction for help and support her not to smack.

Actually I am surprised at how easily a childs skin can mark.

At weekend children getting dry after paddling pool and ds friend smaked his bum and fell about laughing. She then was shocked as such a vivid hand mark. I actually felt sorry for this girl as it was just a giggle and ds found it funny too.

Maybe he's not in the norm but if the mum was shocked about the mark I think its reasonable to assume she won't do it again.

Yes I agree thats child protection is paramount but presuming this girl is in childcare/ school they would have noticed something if there was concern.

I know mumbar, my dds skin marks like paper, I lifted her out of the bath and had two handprints on her skin where my hands had been, they disappreard after a few mins.

The law on smacking in unclear. It needs to be cleared up.
It does say no mark, but doesn't specify how long the mark needs to remain. no mark at all ? i.e. you should never see one ? 1 minute, 3 minutes , overnight ? and are we talking red mark here or bruise ?
some argue that black children wouldn't have a red mark left on them.

It badly needs clarifying.
And that is said by those who advocate a total ban , making it totally illegal in the UK.

At the moment, in the UK it is not illegal to smack your children.

No-one is saying smacking requires a child to be removed from their family or a parent to be sent to prison. I might not agree with smacking your child, but I recognise it's not illegal and it is your choice if you think it's an appropriate way to discipline your child, but that isn't what this is about. This is about the fact that this woman laughed with her friends about hitting her child so hard that it left a mark. That isn't normal, and I'm assuming that those who smack their child as part of how they discipline them are not laughing about it, nor think it's funny.

Children need protecting as they are vunerable and cannot protect themselves.

No pirate I cried and my self worth went to the floor i certainly would not boast about it.

Piglet, exactly my point. I'm so sorry you're having a tough time . The way you responded shows you are obviously a caring and excellent mother; I hope things get easier soon for you.

Thanks Pirate its getting better. I am taking things day by day. There are lots of times that i could have smacked dd for her behaviour but did not, instead too deep breaths and went somewhere else, or ate a couple of jaffa cakes he he. Smacking does not work at all, I was using in a wrong way and smacked in anger.

Am going to comment without reading the thread so I give an unbiased point of view.

I have 3 children and I have probably 'hit' each of them once in their life (they are now 17, 13 and 8, although this would have occurred when they were much younger).

I have only hit when I have retaliated in anger, i.e. my eldest head-butted me on my nose (sitting on my lap, threw herself back and hit my nose) and I lashed out by slapping her leg. I think I was more mortified than she was.

... but my 'boyfriend' hits his daughter (she is now 11) a lot and I find it hard to tolerate. He will slap her on her leg which I find hard to take - but I cannot dictate to him the way he brings his daughter up although I do find it a bone of contention.

I feel my children know what is appropriate and what is not appropriate behaviour and I will put other sanctions in place, i.e. refuse to pay for my eldest daughter's driving lessons, will not take my youngest daughter swimming, will not let my son play on his playstation or X-Box.

The same way I would not like to have violence used against me, I will not use violence against my children.

Will now go back and read the thread.

Lots of people consider smacking is abuse.I have seen it said many many times on MN.
I smacked ds1 a few times. Am not proud. But am not ashamed either. It was a lack of self control on my part. Not good parenting.
I had exhausted every threat I knew. Every discipline method/love/reward etc etc suggested on Mn. But smacking didn't help either. I was left with no bargaining power at all. I am still currently in this situation. My son is bothered by nothing. But am working at it.

I once hit DS's hand when he was in bed with and pulled my hair hard. I was knackered and in no mood for him to wake me up. I hardly touched him but snatched his hand away as though it had been burnt. I felt fucking terrible.

I think sometimes we can all lash out in anger. Perhaps this woman was attempting to get some reassurance, hoping that others might tell her not to worry, that they've done it too etc. But leaving a mark is worrying.

While I don't consider occasional or 'light' smacking to be abuse as such, I do find it odd that anyone would have a policy of regularly smacking their chidren. Some posters have mentioned baby Peter and I do find it preposterous, if not insulting, to compare that tragedy with a child who is occasionaly smacked by an otherwise loving parent who is atempting, allbeit misguidedly, to apply discipline.

However, I also find it strange that most of us would never hit an adult but many of us would hit a small child. I think it sends out the wrong message. This is not the same as hitting a child in a one-off situation when they do something extraordinarily bad or dangerous, that is understandable imo.

I've heard from my friend today about the woman in my op. The woman did feel guilty about the smack, though it hasn't left a lasting mark. She is at the end of her tether with her dd, who is increasingly hard to control apparently. I think that's the other problem with smacking as a method of changing children's behaviour in a meaningful, long-lasting way - it doesn't work.

tbh I'm surprised at the number of parents on hear being mortified that they've smacked their child and carrying the guilt around. Is it because you've smacked in sheer anger?

I've smacked ds a few times on the hand and on the bottom but its never been in anger and has been a way of stopping him touching something he's been told numerous times not to for his own safety. Its been more of a gentle tap with a stern look and a I mean business tone of voice.

Having re read op this is dd so I think it would be safe to presume that older children would have shown signs of abused children if it goes on. Also think calling ss nspcc everytime a child is smacked is a little excessive as other wise I think about 12 of us on here should have all been questioned by now and we're just the ones who've admitted it. iyswim.

I'm glad everythings ok op.