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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not buy "thank you gifts" for teacher?

40 replies

Mermaidspam · 14/07/2010 11:57

Dd is in yr 3 and has had a bit of a tough year. We suspect she has mild AS and have discussed it at every parents evening with her teacher but absolutely nothing has been done.

She is very anxious and tends to panic when put on the spot. She began this year in the top group for Maths and is ending it in the bottom group .

I know this is little to do with her ability (am a lecturer, teaching kids with LD) and more her manner/AS, IYSWIM? Not answering quickly enough when doing verbal mathematics, for example.

She has lost a lot of confidence over this and has started to dislike school.

So, AIBU not to buy a thank you gift for these teachers who really haven't done a lot for her (more than their basic role which they are paid to do)?

OP posts:
Chil1234 · 14/07/2010 12:11

I think it's unreasonable to single out particular teachers to be left out of the thank yous, even if you're dissatisfied. However, I also think gift-giving has got out of hand and teachers don't need yet another box of chocs etc. A simple thank you card for everyone would be polite, perhaps?

Original poster
Mermaidspam · 14/07/2010 12:16

Sorry, I worded it wrongly.

She has a class teacher and then another teacher for maths. What I should have said was; AIBU not to buy any gifts?

OP posts:
ChickensHaveNoEyebrows · 14/07/2010 12:18

I don't buy teachers gifts at all. If I have flowers in the garden, I might let DC's pick some, but generally they just make a card.

Colliecross · 14/07/2010 12:20

We grew a nice little pot plant each, the children could say truthfully they had grown them themselves for the teacher and it cost very little.
I wouldn't create more bad feeling even if you are dissatisfied with the teacher - they can often move around within the school and be your child's class teacher again later.

Original poster
Mermaidspam · 14/07/2010 12:24

Good point Collie - thanks.

I think I may get dd to make a card.

OP posts:
mumofthreesweeties · 14/07/2010 12:29

I dont usually buy gifts for teachers either unless they have been outstanding....of which the ones who teach my DC's aren't. I will however be buying a gift for my fantastic childminder when we break up for summer. She certainly deserves it. So no YANBUAL

tethersend · 14/07/2010 12:29

Does your DD want to get the teacher anything?

FWIW, 6 weeks without other people's children is present enough for me. It's the gift which keeps on giving.

Shaz10 · 14/07/2010 12:31

I am a teacher and I'm not that bothered about gifts. I never remember who has given me any and who hasn't, especially after the summer!

Shaz10 · 14/07/2010 12:31

Pressed post too early!

I suspect if the teacher is the sort of person who will 'remember' a pupil that didn't give them a gift, that is the least of your problems!

Original poster
Mermaidspam · 14/07/2010 12:32

@ tethersend. Indeed.

No, dd maintains that her teacher is a waste of oxygen.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mermaidspam · 14/07/2010 12:33

Thanks Shaz, quite true!

OP posts:
tethersend · 14/07/2010 12:33

I would definitely not get her anything then, not even a card. Go with your DD- the sentiment should come from her.

ReasonableDoubt · 14/07/2010 12:34

We're not. DS is making cards for his teacher and the TAs and that's it.

VinnyTheTit · 14/07/2010 12:35

YANBU i never did this for my ds1's teachers (he is now 20)

i dont know where this buying teachers presents culture comes from, but i wont be doing it for ds2's teachers either, its ridiculous

i did get them chocolates at christmas, and when he took then to school the teacher took them off him and threw them in box by the door full of other 'roses' shaped presents, and didnt even say thankyou!

Original poster
Mermaidspam · 14/07/2010 12:39

It's ridiculous! Last year, on the last day of term there were all these mothers with radley carrier bags, NAO boxes (basically think of anything you can buy from here

OP posts:
imahappycamper · 14/07/2010 14:36

No YANBU. Teachers are paid for their job and most of them get a lot of job satisfaction from the children. You are under no obligation to buy anyone anything, or even to write a thank you note if you don't want to.

swanandduck · 14/07/2010 14:53

The whole buying a teacher a present thing got totally out of control in dd's school, with some parents almost competing to buy the most expensive/impressive present. So the school has now requested that no presents be bought at all, especially as the economic crisis has hit some parents more than others.

ZZZenAgain · 14/07/2010 14:57

if you don't want to get a gift, don't

ZZZenAgain · 14/07/2010 14:58

sorry bit terse. I mean if it comes from the heart, ok. Otherwise I think it is fine not to give a gift. Doubt teachers would take it as a personal affront. Not sure but I don't think so.

Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 15:01

On a tangent - are you getting any help for your DD to cope with her anxiety and loss of confidence? If not, I suggest you go to your GP and get a referral to CAHMs. Our local cAHM has a Primary care service, where you can get an initial 6 sessions with a Psychologist or Nurse - might help you both, and they could possibly liaise with theschool

Original poster
Mermaidspam · 14/07/2010 15:35

No Jamie, we aren't. I didn't know where to start tbh.

Thanks for the advice, I'll defo look into it.

OP posts:
Jamieandhismagictorch · 14/07/2010 17:22

The reason I mention it - is that my DS has been seeing someone in relation to his poor self esteem following bullying. If you go to the GP, mention that you suspect ASD, and they may be able to look into that as well. I think that if you get some help now, you will fell a whole lot better and get some strategies in place to boost her confidence and help her deal with difficult situations, before it gets too entrenched.

Mowgli1970 · 14/07/2010 17:39

As a teacher, I appreciate gifts that are given with the right intention - ie meant as a genuine thank you. A box of Maltesers keeps me happy! I wouldn't want a gift given out of obligation, there's no point in it for anyone.

Original poster
Mermaidspam · 14/07/2010 17:57

Thanks Jamie - much appreciated. Good luck with your ds.

OP posts:
Conundrumish · 14/07/2010 18:00

I give very small gifts for Easter, Christmas and summer - purely because I am grateful that my children enjoy school and they are being well looked after there.

If there was a problem I didn't think was being resolved, I don't think I'd bother.

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