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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider moving somewhere DH won't get work and dropping our income by over £10k pa? Do I go to this interview? Help needed quickly!

52 replies

livethedream · 14/07/2010 10:58

Can't make a decision so need help!

I have a job interview on Friday. I am in the North West, job is in the South West which is where we want to move to. Here's the factors:

Pros:

The job for me is a dream.
Beautiful part of the world
been trying to get out of here for two years and DS1 starts school in Spetember, after which time I will feel very guilty about movign him.

Cons:
Absolutely no work down there for DH. He currenlty earns about £30k and we just about manage. Any jobs down there for him pay £17k max.

We would need to pay for childcare for DS2 full time and DS1 probably after school, unless DH doesn't work in which case we'd have my salary which would be £18-22k. (I think.)

Rent down there is no cheaper.

We are going on holiday on Sunday anyway and to actually go to the interview DH would have to skived Friday so we could all go down there and have a weekend there before driving to Dover to get the ferry.

It sounds nuts really, but I worry that if we don't try we'll never get out of here.

DH thinks the whole thing is madness.

Help!

OP posts:
Original poster
livethedream · 14/07/2010 11:00

Just feel very trapped - did I mention DH has been looking for work away from here for 2 years without success? I know the job market is bad generally but he doesn't even really like what he does.

OP posts:
mitochondria · 14/07/2010 11:00

I had a similar situation last year. Dream job for me, but less salary - not much chance of work for husband.

I sat down with pen and paper and worked out whether we could actually afford it.

Turns out we couldn't. So I didn't.

Original poster
livethedream · 14/07/2010 11:03

That's the worry. I think, on the one hand, we could try to economise but DH says we're rubbish with money and can't see us changing.

It's so frustrating being trapped into something to sustain a life we don't really want. I'd chuck it all in and go and live in a tipi but I am wildly impractical and prone to making insane unwise decisions. Hence the need for perspective!

OP posts:
HoopyFroodDude · 14/07/2010 11:04

Did they offer it to you ?

mjinhiding · 14/07/2010 11:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
livethedream · 14/07/2010 11:06

Nope - just interview at this stage (so obviously jumping the gun) but it will cost us a couple of hundred quid and a lot of hassle to even get to the interview so am overthinking wildly to make sure I don't screw up.

OP posts:
Callisto · 14/07/2010 11:07

Do you have any idea how expensive some parts of the south west are? I'm in the Cotswolds and house prices haven't dropped at all during the recession. There is also a complete dearth of rentals around here.

I would say follow your dreams whenever you can, but I would also temper that by saying same shit, shinier bucket. And if your husband can't get work the shit may be worse to deal with, not the same.

HoopyFroodDude · 14/07/2010 11:07

Is that the train fare ? I am sure a mumsnetter in the area would let you stay over. What does DH do BTW

Callisto · 14/07/2010 11:08

Sorry, that sounded really negative. I think you really need to sit down and consider all aspects of this. I would deffo go to the interview though.

HoopyFroodDude · 14/07/2010 11:11

Yes go to the interview. You never know what might happen. They might actually know of a job for your DH. You might decide that the SW is a dump after all.

encyclogirl · 14/07/2010 11:13

We did this, took a massive pay cut about 12 years ago. Worked out great in the end, but there was a point where we couldn't afford shoes for our kids or insurance for the car.

We are now doing really well, and the move turned out to be a fantastic decision, but those early years, especially the first 2 were extremely hard.

I say proceed with caution.

encyclogirl · 14/07/2010 11:14

We did this, took a massive pay cut about 12 years ago. Worked out great in the end, but there was a point where we couldn't afford shoes for our kids or insurance for the car.

We are now doing really well, and the move turned out to be a fantastic decision, but those early years, especially the first 2 were extremely hard.

I say proceed with caution.

Original poster
livethedream · 14/07/2010 11:14

The job is near Exeter. DH woudl need to take the day off work to look after the children (which woudld cost us £100, no holiday pay!) so we figured we might as well treat it as part of the holiday. Thing is we'd have to leave tomorrow night which involves packing for a 10 day holiday (and now fixing the car tyre which got punctured this morning!) and staying with friends for 3 nights (if they'd even let us ) and this is without petrol from here to Exeter then on to Kent. And living in between.

It is nuts, isn't it. And a lot of aggro.

OP posts:
Original poster
livethedream · 14/07/2010 11:14

(love the shiny bucket analogy!)

OP posts:
Callisto · 14/07/2010 11:18

I picked that one up on the British Expats forum when I was hankering after a move to the Canadian Rockies (still am but it just isn't practical atm).

Rhian82 · 14/07/2010 11:18

Whereabouts in the SW? I've lived here for years and moved around a lot, so the price of living varies a lot (Plymouth was the cheapest place we've lived, Bath the most expensive).

I'd do it - I always take job and life satisfaction over money. But it depends how happy your DH would be, really.

geordieminx · 14/07/2010 11:20

Could you live on 18k in the SW?

We couldnt live on that in Scotland

Callisto · 14/07/2010 11:22

Take it a step at a time. Ask your friends if they will put you up. If they say yes get packing and get the puncture fixed. When your DH gets in tonight present him with a fait accompli and go from there. Not forgetting to tell the company that is interviewing you that you would be delighted to meet them.

DaisySteiner · 14/07/2010 11:30

I think you'd need to assume that you would be living on £18K initially based on only you working and then £35K minus nursery fees if your dh gets a job and then work out whether you can actually afford to live on that. If you can't it's a no-brainer really IMO.

StewieGriffinsMom · 14/07/2010 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
livethedream · 14/07/2010 11:48

I guess £35k - minus childcare = about £22k ish?

Which doesn't sound too bad in theory, only as I say, we're on £10k more at the moment and struggling, and if there was anything unexpected we needed to pay out for we'd be screwed.

Thinking about it - I don't even have anything to wear, I've been a SAHM for 4 years!

OP posts:
Original poster
livethedream · 14/07/2010 11:49

Cheapest house I can see to rent near there is about £625pm. That's roughly £7k per year?

OP posts:
DaisySteiner · 14/07/2010 11:53

I would go to the job interview as others have said and see what happens. But if you're going to uproot your family you need to sit down and work it out in detail, you can't just estimate IMHO. If you're on £10K at the moment and struggling you need to be very certain of your figures or you could end up in a big mess. What does your dh think about it all?

expatinscotland · 14/07/2010 11:55

I'd go to the interview because, well, you may not get the job.

BaggedandTagged · 14/07/2010 11:58

£35k minus TAX and NI minus childcare!!

Make sure you do everything post tax and NI or you'll be way off

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