AIBU to have judged this pregnant woman?

[DetectivePotato]

Went to FILs party on saturday night. Spent most of the time sat outside as it was very hot inside. Serveral times a heavily pregnant woman came outside to smoke.

I don't care if I get flamed, told to mind my own business etc. I am judging and then judging some more.

I am an ex smoker btw and know what its like to be addicted.

My MW also told me that the one thing (other than narcotics) she was absolutely adamant about avoiding was anything that was a listeria risk.

It's funny how people get all prissy about a pregnant woman having a cigarette and then giggle about being "naughty" for sneaking a bit of brie or a hunk of Stilton.

It is snobberry and ignorance. IMO.

Or snobbery even. I have no idea what a snobberry is.

Oh for crying out loud, don't you have your own life to deal with?

I gave up smoking when I was pregnant but smoked a couple of times when bad things happened and I couldn't control myself. Obviously it is best not to smoke but it simply isn't that easy if you are addicted and have been smoking for a long time.

Incidentally, in France smoking is seen to be acceptable when pregnant but drinking even a tiny bit of alcohol is not. Do you get so high-and-mighty when you see a pregnant lady with a small glass of wine?

Mind your own business.

I gave up smoking as soon as I got pregnant - its bloody hard and as much as I think its wrong and that YANBU, I also get a strong feeling of 'walk a mile in their shoes' and that its not up to me to judge. I had lots of support and a no-stress pregnancy. I'm sure some people will think I'm mental for riding my bike at 39 weeks.

What surprises me is how heavily pregnant ladies dare to smoke in public. I'm way too emotional to handle all the death stares, tuts and comments that I'd get if I lit up. I'd be really scared of a confrontation and if I seriously couldn't give up I'd hide it from everyone.

Seeing pregnant women smoking at hospital doors in manky dressing gowns makes me sad, angry and extremely judgey. I think it's disgusting.

What makes it worse is having to walk through a cloud of smoke just to enter the hospital.

Also, I had 3 nights on antenatal during my pregnancy and I'd always make sure I was changed into clothes and shoes and had put a comb through my hair if I was walking down to the cafe or for some fresh air. That's just the kind of person I am

Judge all you want - hell we all like a reason to be superior.

Just don't get carried away and forget your own faults in the process or start preaching at people who you've no business interfering with.

Is it like blue berries?

Can I eat snobberry whilst pg?

if I were preegnant and a smoker and I would bloody well do it in privacy!!!!

I think everyone assumes that a pregnant smoker is on 20 B&H a day. many many have managed to cut down to 1-2 which have little effect, sorry but it really doean't do much! Its not great though

I just think there are bigger fish to fry.

People love to get pissy cat bum mouth about it to be honest, easy target maybe?

What Stressheaderic said.

Domesticdiva, my psychiatrist told me the same thing, although not when I was pregnant, years before.

He said "As a physician I want you to quit. As a psychiatrist, keep smoking if it helps with your anxiety."

Pills/therapy don't always work.

Okay, that had nothing to do with being pregnant and smoking, I realize.

I actually quit the day I found out I was pregnant and have craved one almost every day since. That was nearly 2 years ago now. It is very very hard to quit.

I am probably gonna get flamed for admitting this but i did carry on smoking when i was pg but cut down to as little as 5 a day at the most.
I was 16-17 at the time so was always getting dirty looks cus of that so a few more cus of the smoking thing really didn't bother me.
if was my body and baby to nobody else's place to judge.

My ds is now 4.10 and he a healthy boy who hardly every gets ill and he towers over all his class mates so who ever said it stunts growth is taking out of there bums.

YANBU. (Said as a 37 wk pregnant woman who used to smoke but gave up before getting pregnant. I did have half a week cider the other day though, I'm waiting for the lightning bolt to smite me down.)

Ok,

I will swallow being judged for my two fags whilst being pg if I can judge anyone who has used pain releif in labour (appart fron G&A) because pethidiene(sp?) can slow a babies breathing down and an epidural can prolong labour and as a result can cause the baby distress.
So there!

Only jesting am toooo close to my due date to be that cocky!!!!

I hate to admit it, but I would have judged them too. My sister smoked through her 4 pregnancies, and her children are fine, but still.

I gave up, albeit not heavy, smoking as soon as I found out I was pg with DD, and have friends who were pretty heavy smokers who managed to do it.

I think it's one of those things where if being pregnant doesn't stop you smiking, nothing will.

I feel as someone who did give up for the sake of their baby I can judge if smoking is done by a pregnant woman in public. It isn't big or clever, I have friends who smoked throughout their pg's when claiming they had given up but I never saw them do it in public and therefore didn't have any right to actually judge them for it if they were doing it.........

I do however find it distasteful to see a heavily pregnant woman smoking in public, and yes I will judge and yes it probably is snobbery and one upmanship but unlike a variety of studies on alcohol and its moderate consumption there is NO evidence I can find that smoking can be healthy in away for you and therefore couldn't possibly be healthy for your baby either. (And there are some significant health benefits to small quantities of alcohol - e.g did you know that real ale has silicon in it that is significant in helping with osteoperosis in women - sadly not boob size )

But as an ex smoker who has smoked between pregnancies I can understand when things become bad that it is a good crutch to fall back on and that there are circumstances when it is healthier to continue smoking than to take medication like Coronaandlime, but if I saw Corona out having a fag heavily pg I am afraid yes not knowing her circumstances I would judge her and I expect other people would too. It is only natural as if you were born after the 70's it has been conditioned into us with all of those horrible adverts circa late 80's onwards!

YADNBU. I watched in horror the other day as an extremely pregnant girl smoked a cigarette then used the end of that one to light another one and chain smoked.

YANBU for judging as long as you stick to every pg rule, no listeria, cheese, pate, alcohol,undercooked eggs or fags for you. No drugs in birth because after all they can harm your baby to, and no formula.

Then when you are perfect and have done nothing wrong then you can judge and feel smug.

I don't blame you for being judgey. Recently one of my twins was in NICU for nine days before she died, the other twin died at birth. Every single day we visited her in NICU we had to pass several women who had either come down from the antenatal ward or labour ward to smoke outside. I felt like dragging them upstairs and showing them my baby girl on a ventilator and asking why on earth anyone would risk their baby being in NICU, no matter how small that risk was.

And yes, I did every single thing right during my pregnancy and my babies still died. Goodness only knows how I would be feeling now if I felt I might have contributed to their death in some way.

babybarrister - I do a lot of things that are often mentioned as negatives in child care proceedings!! I am not seeing the community midwife and will be avoiding the HV like the plague - failure to engage with health care professionals?!

I am desparate for a nice cheese board to go with my nice glass of wine - I'm avoiding it though. Did gorge on parma ham when pregnant with my 1st though....

YAMDNBU
I had an awful pregnancy with my ds, we came close to loosing him many,many times due to pregnancy complications. We had to have scans at the hospital each week and each week I would see heavily pregnant/people in labour(!) smoking outside the maternity unit.
I regularly cried buckets at the sight and couldn't believe that women could actually put their unborn child in any sort of avoidable danger while I was praying that my lo would hang on.

I was then on bedrest in hospital for the last 8 weeks of my pregnancy and saw these pregnant smokers outside my window. I actually hated them I was so angry So I will have to join you on being judgy and unreasonable!

Strange as it seems, people are not always educated and aware of the dangers.

When I was in hospital with bleeding at 25 weeks pregnant I was in there with a girl who had been in and out of hospital with bleeding and threatened miscarriages, she was chain smoking, but said to me in all innocence that she didn't know why she had had so many problems as she had been careful to do nothing wrong in her pregnancy (not saying the smoking caused the problems but she was unaware it wasn't an ideal thing to do).

There was someone else in there who was being given steroid injections to mature baby's lungs as she was threatening to go into labour at 30 weeks, she was also smoking and unaware it wasn't a normal thing to do.

Crossed posts with lots of people.
Midori I am so, so sorry for the loss of your twin babies. I hope you have a really supportive family and friends around you.
xxx

here can I ask why this is not judged by you lot it is the same thing, both narcotics and both have the potential to harm a unborn child why is this ok but the odd fag unforgivable? I don't judge it just annoys me when people go and judge the things they did right and scream blue murder when someone else judges something they did wrong.