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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to Baptise the DCs...

47 replies

HowAnnoying · 12/07/2010 19:22

..just to get them in the local RC school.

It's a good school and a 5 minute walk, the nearest school to me is on special measures and has had problems with bullying.

I will apply for DS1 to go to the RC school, as apparently there are plenty of non RC kids there. The thing is he'll only get in if not enough RC kids apply, DP is babtised so apparently they take that into consideration.

I've always said I won't baptise them, but so many people say "why not?" "just do it to get them in", "it doesn't mean anything".

Am I putting my beliefs before whats best for the kids?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 12/07/2010 19:25

You either believe in that claptrap the church or you don't. It seems pointless to lie about anything and wouldn't be a great message to your children either.

DetectivePotato · 12/07/2010 19:25

I want my DS to go to a Catholic school, purely because I can walk there and I have health problems which mean any other school means me clogging up the roads in a school run.

The school has told me that they take non catholic children. If they didn't, I wouldn't have DS baptised for it. I'm an atheist and I would feel like a hypocrite.

ChippingIn · 12/07/2010 19:25

Reads post.... back quietly away before it all kicks off.....

[Whispers - I wouldn't, but only because I just couldn't bring myself to do so - but I wouldn't hold it against someone who did - though there will be many people along shortly to tell you just how terrible you are for even thinking it!! I would drive them to the nearest non-sink school because I woudn't want them going to a RC school, but I know sometimes the options are very limited.]

Original poster
HowAnnoying · 12/07/2010 19:29

Oh I don't believe in it. Not at all. I just want the DCs to go to a decent school. If the local school was average I would send them there, its the bullying problems that really worry me.

OP posts:
thehat · 12/07/2010 21:19

Will you be happy/comfortable supporting the Catholic ethos of the school?

Your children will be expected to sit through Mass, say prayers throughout the day, hardcore RE lessons too.

They will come home with questions about the religion which you may need to address. If you feel you can support the school (without undermining them)I'd say go for it.

PiscesLondon · 12/07/2010 21:21

i'd do whatever it took to get my DD in a decent school. you want the best for them so no, YANBU.

i'm catholic and baptism is important to me, totally respect the fact that that others don't want to have their children baptised, but i just don't understand it.

Vallhala · 12/07/2010 21:31

What PiscesLondon said.

I see nothing wrong with a parent who is prepared to put her children's education and wellbeing first. I have in the past gone to great lengths to avoid my DCs going to the local school, which was also on special measures. In my case this wasn't by adopting the Catholic faith but going against my own views on religion by sending my girls to a very staunchly C/E school... and walking 12 miles a day, much of which was across fields, just to get them there and back.

No-one should have the right to a superior education just because they believe in a being we cannot see nor can we prove exists. Until that is recognised then I have no issue with a parent lying through her back teeth.

MmeRedWhiteandBlueberry · 12/07/2010 21:32

If you can't make the promises, you should not have your baby baptised.

PeedOffWithNits · 12/07/2010 21:38

what MmeRed said

its dishonest, plain and simple

think of that poor devout RC child who then won't get in because they live 10 yards further away than your child

but in any case, Catholic schools take from a very wide area and baptism alone is not usually enough, they will want evidence of attendance at church and a reference from your priest

PeedOffWithNits · 12/07/2010 21:40

pisces, how would you feel then if your child did not get in because the Ops child had got in on a pretence and took the last available space?

Morloth · 12/07/2010 21:41

I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand in front of someone's god and lie.

We haven't baptised our DC's despite being semi-regular anglican church goers. I just don't feel it is my decision to make for them.

ivykaty44 · 12/07/2010 21:42

If you think it is a good school and want your children to go there - really they should be allowed and then get them taken out of the religion bits.

But don't get them baptised - let them choice what they want to don't force things upon them

PiscesLondon · 12/07/2010 22:04

POWN - of course i'd be furious! i'm just speaking as someone who feels a good education is really important. i'd do whatever it took to get my DD into a good school. but the OP mention that they're are plenty of non RC kids their, so i'm presuming that their is enough spaces for all those that are RC?

PeedOffWithNits · 12/07/2010 22:15

no pisces, thats not likely to be the case. -they will have a small quota of places each year they have to give to non RC children, with priority going to those who live nearest - and usually this is only the very very nearest (eg my friends child and one 3 doors away, both can see the school from their door, one got in one did not but kids from 5 miles away who ARE church people got in)

PeedOffWithNits · 12/07/2010 22:16

and ivykaty I dont think you can extract your DC from the religious bits if you OPT for them to go to an RC school

jazzandh · 13/07/2010 09:07

What are your Dp's views on religion? Is he RC?

rewardgirl · 13/07/2010 10:04

TheHat makes a good point. I went to Catholic schools (DM's family was all VERY devout) and there is a lot of commitment required in terms of there will (likely) be a lot of RE, mass, daily praying, you will be expected to attend mass at least sometimes etc etc. Worth bearing in mind.....

Snobear4000 · 13/07/2010 11:06

Bearing false witness is a deadly sin, apparently, and this confusing sin has often been described as referring to people who pretend to believe in God for ulterior motives.

Yet Parishes around the country pretty much encourage wholesale lying in this fashion as they desperately misuse their powers to force non-christians to baptise their kids simply in order to get a good education.

The whole system is out of order. If you're really not religious, I would consider either moving to another area or simply making a big effort to assist your kids with their education at the "inferior' school.

IMHO, any school that teaches myth as fact can not be trusted to teach any other subject.

5Foot5 · 13/07/2010 13:37

thehat "Your children will be expected to sit through Mass, say prayers throughout the day, hardcore RE lessons too. "

Sit through mass - yes ( which actually I think is a good thing, not from a religious POV particularly but because I think it is good for children to learn to sit still and behave for periods of time even when they may be bored); say prayers throughout the day - yes that as well; "hardore RE lessons "- not sure really what you mean by that.

DD went to RC primary and is now at RC secondary - she has a fairly firm grounding in Catholicism but in a tolerant way IYSWIM. They learn quite a bit about other people's beliefs and are taught to respect them. More than I was ever taught when I was at (a non-faith) school.

melikalikimaka · 13/07/2010 14:31

See another anti-catholic thread, just as I thought.

Original poster
HowAnnoying · 13/07/2010 15:37

How is this anti-catholic?
Yes my DP is baptised RC though hasn't been to church since he was a kid, he wants the DCs baptised and to go to the RC school.

All his friends get their DCs baptised not because they go to church just that's what they do. !!

OP posts:
Pootles2010 · 13/07/2010 15:49

How old's your child? Because if they're a bit older, it'll be really obvious that you're doing it to get them into the school.

Could you come at it from a different angle? Have a word with priest/teacher, explain that you're not comfortable having child baptised, but you'd like to support the parish/school, so is there some way you could voluteer - perhaps reading to the children, helping out at some group or other - and get involved with the school community that way?

Don't know if that would work, i might be being horrendously naive...

melikalikimaka · 13/07/2010 15:51

Some of the comments made, not you. I think if you are prepared to go with the flow, get them baptised and see them through reconciliation, communion and confirmation and help them through it. You are as good as anyone there. You will be called to go to mass on occasion. But it is not that much effort and if your DP wants it, he should also be prepared to attend. If you don't want to and maybe make your life more difficult, then that is your choice.

Mingg · 13/07/2010 15:55

Like someone said earlier it won't be enough to have your child baptised. You will also need to attend church regularly and get a letter from your priest confirming this.

Oblomov · 13/07/2010 15:57

I kind of did it alittle bit.
I knew thta the local catholic school was fab. knew for years pre children. everyone talked about it as outstanding.
Have you ANY ide what a catholic school is like. like thehat says there are 3 prayers a day, mass etc. lots of talking about religion. alongisde that the most beautiful loving ethos, i have ever seen.
my dh's family is catholic. not really pacticising. i am pentecostal. not really practicing. but we are more than happy to take him to mass from time to time. we don't go every week. few of ds1's school friends do.
people underestimate. oh i'll just lie to get them in. no. don't do it, unless what they teach and their ethos is what you really really want.

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