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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

leaving a child still in nappies at a party?

45 replies

2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 11:56

I am a children's entertainer and was very that a parent left a 3 year old, still in nappies, at a party yesterday. Maybe she felt certain the child wouldn't poo but couldn't help thinking it wouldn't be very nice for her and us if she did. Also her behaviour was described as 'feral' by another parent. She kept going outside so I thought it was quite a safety risk too.

Surely, if a child's development is such that she's still in nappies, she surely isn't mature enough to be left unattended? I made the mistake of once suggesting to a parent on pick up that a child wasn't ready to be left and it wasn't well received! I'd never say anyting again!

What do you thing? Should this parent have stayed? Or is it fair to pass on the responsibilty to host and/or entertainer?

OP posts:
booyhoo · 11/07/2010 11:58

it's only fair if they have agreed with another adult to care for her and change her nappy.

Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 11:59

They didn't.

OP posts:
kreecherlivesupstairs · 11/07/2010 12:00

I am pleased I never booked you for my DD's party. You sound like a real curmudgeon unless you were put into a position where you had to change a soiled nappy.
Were you the only person there?

HappySlapper · 11/07/2010 12:01

Who kept going outside? The mother or the child?

I would have thought that it's common enough to leave a child of that age at a party - I expect her mum knew that she'd already pooed and was safe for a few hours.

I think you're being rather judgemental. And as a childrens entertainer, it is certainly not your place to suggest anything of that nature to a parent

BoysAreLikeDogs · 11/07/2010 12:01

I think at 3 the child shouldn't have been left but each to their own

The adults should ensure that the premises are secure, don't blame a child for wandering

Nice to describe a small child as feral

How do you know that the parents hadn't made arrangements with another set of parents?

You were the paid help, I am baffled how you know this

booyhoo · 11/07/2010 12:01

i wouldn't have done it and i wouldn't be best pleased if a parent did it at one of my dcs parties and the child had pooed and needed changed.

Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 12:04

Not a curmudgeon - just concerned for the child's safety and comfort. You see, that's why I never say anything because people never see it as concern - only criticism.

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 11/07/2010 12:07

Shouldn't have happened but often does. Mamma probably had an appointment for her nails.

Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 12:07

The child was going outside - I'm not familiar with the venue so I don't know if the area she was going to was secure. It was a very hot day and the door to the entrance was open too.

You're right, I was the paid help but other parents were talking about it. I didn't use the word 'feral' myself, another parent did!

OP posts:
ShellingPeas · 11/07/2010 12:08

It should never, ever be the responsibility of the entertainer - they are there to entertain the children, not provide nappy changing services. I worked for many years as an entertainer (for children up to 6 years old) and one of my t&c was that all children under 4 were accompanied by a responsible adult.

You have to feel a bit sorry for the child though - dumped by a parent at a party and left to roam, especially if the behaviour is such that she is described as 'feral' by another parent.

Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 12:10

Exactly shellingpeas - trouble is the child gets talked about and a reputation for being 'naughty' when really they are just unsupervised.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 11/07/2010 12:14

Well there were times when I could go out for a couple of hours with DS because I knew he'd had a poo and was almost certain he wouldn;t again.
That said, I wouldn't leave a 3yo at a party, nappies or not

Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 12:18

I guess that's my point really, would you leave a 3 year old at a party? I don't think many parents would. The nappies are just a side issue, really.

I did one party where a child actually opened the front door and left so I know safety is an issue.

OP posts:
Pennies · 11/07/2010 12:20

YANBU.

pigletmania · 11/07/2010 12:30

I would not be happy to leave my dd 3.4 years at a party without me there tbh. My dd is toilet training and does wander about a bit like all young children do, what's wrong with that . I would not expect you as a children's entertainer to look after her that's my job. When dd is say 5 years than I would be happy for her to be left alone at a party with other kids.

lovechoc · 11/07/2010 12:36

"and one of my t&c was that all children under 4 were accompanied by a responsible adult."

Not all children are toilet trained by the age of 4!!

Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 12:42

IME experience most parents 'drop and go' with school age children. And it's usually better all round if they do. Obviously at nursery age there's quite a disparity in the different levels of development. I was wondering how parents make the decision whether a child should be left or not.

OP posts:
pigletmania · 11/07/2010 12:57

Well 2old my dd is not really mature compared to other 3.4 year olds who are very confident and basically more mature, and they are more like 4 year olds developmentally, so might be better left. As my dd is still very young for her age I would not leave her.

MollieO · 11/07/2010 13:02

3 is too young imo especially if still in nappies. Not sure how a 3 yr old could be left without the parent mentioning to someone else that they weren't staying. I had this at my 6 yr old's party recently. Not bothered about the dumping and running but I had a big issue about d&r without leaving contact details.

Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 13:03

Thank you pigletmania . My thinking was that if a child was still in nappies at 3.2 that it would be fair to consider the development as 'young for the age'. Or maybe I'm wrong to connect the two?

OP posts:
frasersmummy · 11/07/2010 13:05

At our office xmas party the children's entertainer always stipulates..if your child is under 5 you must remain with them. Over 5 you can drop off but must remain contactable

seems reasonable to me

I have to say I dont think as entertainer its your job to worry about soiled nappies, or safety.

I would have thougth that was the job of the host/organiser. Its nice that you do worry but as you have discovered the host wont always appreciate it

blueshoes · 11/07/2010 13:06

I think an entertainer-type party is not appropriate for a 3 year old. They cannot reliably be expected to participate.

2old, it is entirely normal for a child of 3 to wander off. I am not sure what sort of parent describes such a 3 year old as ferral. I assume you are a mother. You surely cannot be agreeing with this derogatory term.

For this reason alone, a parent should not leave a 3 year old at a party unless that child is exceptionally good at joining in the games.

As for nappies, I would imagine no parent would expect an entertainer to change it.

Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 13:06

At one party a departing parent of a 3 year old was asked by the host for a mobile number and refused to give it. Said child was soon scaling the wall bars in the school hall

OP posts:
Original poster
2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 13:10

The behaviour went far beyond wandering off! It was a four year olds party - I don't do 3's for that reason!

It was a drop and go parent who didn't appreciate my concern - not the host!
Trouble is, I would fee partly responsible, even as an entertainer, if a child got hurt.

Anyway, off to work

OP posts:
lottaluvin · 11/07/2010 13:10

Abracadabra - nappy changed!

YANBU to think this, but it's up to the parent organiser to stipulate that the parent of said child should stay. If the organiser wasn't bothered then maybe she was happy to deal with a code brown situation.

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