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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

leaving a child still in nappies at a party?

45 replies

2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 11:56

I am a children's entertainer and was very that a parent left a 3 year old, still in nappies, at a party yesterday. Maybe she felt certain the child wouldn't poo but couldn't help thinking it wouldn't be very nice for her and us if she did. Also her behaviour was described as 'feral' by another parent. She kept going outside so I thought it was quite a safety risk too.

Surely, if a child's development is such that she's still in nappies, she surely isn't mature enough to be left unattended? I made the mistake of once suggesting to a parent on pick up that a child wasn't ready to be left and it wasn't well received! I'd never say anyting again!

What do you thing? Should this parent have stayed? Or is it fair to pass on the responsibilty to host and/or entertainer?

OP posts:

SanctiMoanyArse · 11/07/2010 13:12

3.2 is within normal nappy age range; especially for boys it would seem who do tend to become dry a little later. At teh older end of the normal range absolutely but no cause for concern and an indicator of absolutely nothing.

But no, i'd enve rleave a child that young at a party unless host ahd ofered 8and* was exeptionally close- Mum, my childminder, best m,ate- about that really.

But I wouldn't hire a chidlren's entertainer who described a child as feral either- all our apties have kids with SN, would you describe thema s feral? Not out loud maybe- nah, not for me.

lottaluvin · 11/07/2010 13:13

She didn't describe the child as feral - one of the other parents did!

I thought my job was tough, now I see where you get your profile name OP!

MollieO · 11/07/2010 13:13

I really don't understand how a parent of a 3 yr old can think it is acceptable to leave their child at a party without bothering to leave a contact number. Where we are the norm for dumping and running is 5 and even then you'd leave a contact number (assuming you have normal parenting skills).

LetThereBeRock · 11/07/2010 13:16

The Op didn't call the child feral.She's describing someone who did.

MumNWLondon · 11/07/2010 13:40

I would only leave a child still in nappies at a party in the care of another mum (eg me and a friend used to take it in turns to stay and I would have changed her DD etc if necessary).

Also at age 4 parties I always asked for mobile phone numbers of any mums who were not staying.

I agree YANBU.

Reallytired · 11/07/2010 15:14

I think the parents were feral leaving such an immature child unsupervised. Its not fair to describe a small child as feral, but certainly the quality of parenting the child is getting is questionable.

Original poster

2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 16:33

I love my job and making children laugh and squeal is just the best. Some of the most heart warming moments have come with SN children joining in. I know all children are different and I don't judge the children's behaviour. But, yes, I do sometimes wonder about the parenting!

I have heard a few mums recently ASK the host if she wanted/needed them to say which I think is great.

OP posts:

compo · 11/07/2010 16:52

Rpound here most people only leave kids alone at parties in yr one, so age 6!

pigletmania · 11/07/2010 17:10

2old I agree, then again most 3 year olds are just still babies practically anyway, some are more confident than others. I would not hire a children's entertainer for her at the moment, wait until she is 6 at least and can appreciate it. Infact I wont be doing children's parties until she is 5.

Original poster

2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 17:18

When they get older they don't tend to laugh and squeal so much - the 4 & 5 year olds really love the silliness and slapstick. They start getting quite sensible age 6!

OP posts:

MadameBelle · 11/07/2010 17:25

I stay with my dc when they are pre-school age, I will leave when in Reception if the child is happy for me to go (ds2 never was), then by Year 1/2 onwards the host generally expects the parents to leave. I always leave contact details.

I did do a party recently for my 5 year old and all the parents stayed. They actually got in the way a bit - there were tons of younger and older siblings, and the parents kept wanting cups of tea. I was doing the party myself, so was doing party games with 1 dozen 5 year olds, I could have done without an additional 20 people milling around my house!

Chathappy · 11/07/2010 17:59

I wouldn't leave a three year old at a party whether they were in nappies or not. School age I imagine I would (and I imagine that's more the 'norm' then?). My ds1 starts school in September so I guess I'll soon find out what they norm is with the other parents of children in his class then. 3 is a bit young in my opinion.

rockermom · 11/07/2010 18:19

Hi folks, I'm new here (big wave) 2old4thislark, did the parent have something so important that they couldn't stay with the child, ie very sick parent(s)/relative(s) in hospital etc? Sometimes this happens but to drop off and go and leave no contact details is not on. If something happened to the child, the person who owns/rents the property can be sued (I think).

Original poster

2old4thislark · 11/07/2010 18:58

I don't know - but there was a Mum and a Dad dropping off so I guess if there were more pressing engagements, one could have stayed, and one left.

OP posts:

CarGirl · 11/07/2010 19:02

I have left my dc sometimes at 3 at a party but I suppose only ones in peoples homes where I've asked if they're happy with that, so I guess close friends tbh.

Depends on the child and the type of party tbh

proudnsad · 11/07/2010 19:06

I think three is too young to be left alone at party unless with friend who knows them well. Especially in nappies. But my concern is mainly for their own safety not for others having to change shitty nappies!

CarGirl · 11/07/2010 19:10

I'm desperately trying to think when and why one of mine went at 3, def a few times at just 4. Probably because it was a case of all 3 or 4 of my dc going with me or just the one but having to stay. Mine were happy to stay without me tbh and I think another parent would have taken them for me rather than the host having to be responsible for them.

Certainly not as a regular thing IYSWIM

nannynick · 11/07/2010 19:12

I feel the party host should be making it clear to parents of children invited that they are required to stay.

I've taken a 4 year old to a party in the past and had thought it was one of those that you dropped the child off and picked up again later. In reality, when I got back to pick up I found that most of the other parents had stayed (including with their little ones). No mention to me about staying... does make me wonder if due to having 2 little ones with me, plus me being their hired help (I'm a nanny), I wasn't invited to stay by the host.

If the child was wearing nappies still then I would have checked prior to the event and made sure I (plus their sibligns) could stay at the party - or decline the invitation.

CaptainUnderpants · 11/07/2010 19:26

YANBU - ut it is down to the host to sort and deal with this kid of matter- I think 3 is a bit young to be left whether nappies or not - didn't stat leaving mine until rteception , with exceotion of my still preschool 4 yr old , but knew parents very well.curmudgeon

You are not a 'curmudgeon' but sound like you care.

smokinaces · 11/07/2010 20:05

I have left DS1 (3) and DS2 (2) at a party before - only 8 children, and it was a close friend. DS2 was in nappies, and this was fine. They were both fine at being left - maybe as they have been in daycare when I'm at work for nearly 2 years so used to being in that kind of environment of many children to a few adults?

I have organised DS1s birthday party and invited 4 x 4yr olds and 5 x 3yr olds. I have written if the weather is nice, parents are welcome to stay but if not they can drop the kids off as my house is v. small. Wondering now whether the mums of the nursery children will think this is odd.

But the difference is I suppose its all agreed before hand with the other parents. I wouldnt just drop off a child when I hadnt asked the host if it were ok and left a change bag and a contact number. In that case YANBU

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