For thinking it's such a strange thing when somebody dies

[ApocalypseCheese]

And they just arent there anymore

I dont know if its something you 'get over'- im 35 my mum died .....wow,24 years ago,and I will quite honestly say that sometimes when the hurt is too bad,I pretend to myself that my mum is here that shes just around the corner,when im in tesco or somewhere and I see something I think shed like I pretend (only in my mind im not totally deranged)that maybe I will buy it for her.

In fact in my dressing table drawer I have an old bottle of the foundation she used to wear and just now and then I sniff it not often but I know its there,I wanted to buy a bottle of estee lauders youth dew but it made me too sad.

I look out of the window and I see everyone else going about their business and I know my life will never be quite the complete picture.

Nobody in real life know Im like this I just thought id tell you few mumsnetters (subdued).

And as hard as that sounds I think that that pain is nothing compared to losing a child - that to me is like the bottom falling out of my world.

I feel like this and my Dad died when I was 5, so at least 30 years ago. I don't think a day goes by when I don't think of him. However in some way I'm glad that he is still a part of my life - it's hard to explain though. I don't think it's painful anymore (except when I'm in that place), but the 'what-should-be's' are all pervasive.

I think in time you come to some compromise in your life. The world turns, you miss them, but the world turns.

yanbu
I still a year on, cannot "get" that my dad isn't here

My Nan died just a couple of months ago and I keep seeing elderly ladies in town and for a split second think it's her I miss her so much

It is strange. The last time I saw my dad I was in a hurry to get away, he and my mum were divorced but spoke each day, they didn't live together and she had called to say supper was ready so I needed to get back to her house. He wanted to talk (odd for him), I did some jobs to help him, took him some food, I rushed off because I thought I'd see him again. I wasn't upset when he died, he had COPD, housebound and on permanent oxygen because he couldn't breathe so knowing he was in a better place and at peace was quite healing. I do think of him alot, I wish that the last time I saw him had been longer and I wish that he knew I loved him. I think he did, we were never a cuddly/affectionate family so the things I did for him whilst I was there would have ment alot to him.

It is VERY strange.

I can't believe dp died a month ago already.

i keep expecting him to come through the door,or be there chatting about music,or watching tv with the kids.

i forget myself and still cook for 4 not 3.

i keep getting all teary and listenign to his music

it is so quiet,too quiet,especially when hte childern in bed

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It's totally bizarre at times. The way it suddenly hits you when you least expect it gets me. (Smelt a smell today that was exactly like my mum's hallway. A nice smell...but it threw me!)

Hope you're OK. Think of happy memories.

gazza thats so awful xx

Gazzas

GDS, so sorry. That's so very recent. Are you keeping OK? The bereaved boards here are fabulous if you need to chat? Thinking of you

I'm ok,reg who has namechanged,(time to change talkname since so much else has changed )have posted about dp death.Thanks guys,my mum has come up to day and we have been discussing the weirdness of death at length tonight.

Big hug to everyone on this thread who is feeling similar atm. xx

its horrible
it gets 'easier' as in you get 'used' to it
but still some days catch you off guard
x

I still see my DS1 (twin) and DS3 at the age they were when they died....then I have to remember they are now 28 and 26....how the hell did that happen?

The loss of someone you love is beyond comprehension no matter how old they are or what there relationship is too you.

I'm so sorry for all of your losses. The absence of someone you love is a terrible thing.

I just read this article from the Guardian. It's Natasha McElhone who has published a book about her grief for her husband who died suddenly 2 yrs ago,aged 43. It's very sad, but she said this

It just seemed to resonate a bit.

I've thought about this more and more often recently - but from a different angle.

Have you ever thought about yourself not being here suddenly and life continuing? Yes, I know the world can continue quite easily without me, but what about my smaller world - hubby, kids will they manage? I'm not planning on leaving them just yet, but who knows? If it was today, would teenage son ever clean his shoes, would he remember his PE kit and would hubby iron his own shirts?

And worse still - they'd have to organise my funeral! I really don't wish to put that burden on them so I'm hoping I won't have to for a while, but it's a very weird subject and quite frightening.

Sorry for what everyone has been through

My Dad died a couple of years ago after a short illness, he didn't suffer too much thank God. We loved him but we coped with it all very well.

The other day I found some photos of his house. He was a train enthusiast and had a huge layout in his loft plus all his trains. It was his all-consuming passion, though he always said he didn't care what happened to it when he was gone and was quite sanguine about it being sold.

I took quite a few photos of everything before it was all dismantled and sold. Coming across those pictures the other day I couldn't believe it had all gone, although I have no trouble accepting that he is no longer in this world. All that work he had put in. . . the sense of loss was overwhelming.

It is horrible, and so very sad. The first time I realized it was when I was about six. My beloved great uncle had died and I "got" that he was dead, understood I would never see him again in this life, etc. But then one day a few weeks later I was taking a shower and it hit me like a sledgehammer that he would never, ever sing me silly songs again. Never. It seemed so final and shocking; it's over 20 years later and I've lost others since, but I still remember exactly the way I felt in that moment and how hard it was to breathe.

I'm so sorry for everyone's pain. Sassy, my DS is almost 3 and I just...I just can't imagine. I'm don't know what to say, but I'm truly sorry for what you must be going through.

And shabba, I know I've said it before, but thank you again for sharing your story. I still think of it when I start to feel impatient with my son. I think of your story and how lucky I am to have him here still, so thank you.

My nan died in April this year and when I went to see her at the funeral home I kept repeating 'but she's there, that's her but she just can't wake up' - I just couldn't (can't) get my head around it! Same person, same body - just not there! She looked like she was just sleeping but when I kissed her she was sooo cold, I can still feel that feeling on my lips when I think about it. I miss my nan everyday and think of her everyday.

Sorry to everyone who has lost someone they love.

It's heartbreaking. My mum died 12 weeks ago today and I can't believe I'll never see her again. I still speak to her but I know she can't hear me and it breaks my heart every day. I would love another of those random, rambling phonecalls from her that used to drive me mad because they were about nothing. I'm scared in case I forget her voice, her smell, her hugs. I'm 43 years old and I cry every day for my mum, I just hope it gets easier.

My darling dad died in February, and I think about him all the time. Most nights I dream about him, which is nice.

I comfort myself with the thought that he's part of me - every cell of my body and every facet of my personality has something of my dad in it.

I find it a big help to 'zoom out', to try to hold on to the idea that we're all just a tiny stitch in the huge beautiful tapestry of human history. And to accept that nature is very mysterious.

My BIL died and it's not at all weird that he isn't here. He never phoned or texted back, so it's pretty much the same.

It is that strangeness, how can you be here, have so much love and emotion and presence and then suddenly not, suddenly cease.

When mum died, I felt like I had lost a limb. Something on my right shoulder had gone, it was very physical, and I actually found myself looking for what was there on occasion, that is how I knew she was no longer here with me. I did not even realise she had been there even though she lived a long way away. Until she was gone.

While I am not religious, and do not really have a properly formed view on our purpose here. I cannot, just simply cannot beleive that when we are gone that is it. It just does not make sense. I used to have a pretty clear cut view on our mortality and that we are in fact just animals that cease. Now, I question that much more, without really ever expecting answers, it is strange, how we are, then not, with so much feeling inbetween. That has to mean something.

Oh, Megatron and bang bang, I'm so sorry.

I just wanted to pop back to say, OP, that the Buddy Bench is here whenever you need us.

megatron you won't forget. I promise. I still catch a smell, or a sound, or a song, and i recall her as if she had just walked out of the room. Sometimes, she is in my dreams and she talks and it re-clarifies her voice.

I am sorry for your loss, and the loss of everyone else.