Though I've posted on other peoples threads before I've never done this myself and I'm not even sure I'm raising this subject in the right place, but I think any input will be helpful at the moment so here goes!
My son is nearly 7 and one of his allergies is to dogs. We had a dog once which we had for one year, from being a pup, and he was fine with it. However, I moved house and a friend looked after the dog for a couple of weeks while the move was going on. When we got him back, in the new house, my son started reacting to him straight away. Over the course of a few hours he ranged from hay-fever type symptoms, with red blotches on the face to coughing and breathing difficulties. The emergency doctor came out and prescribed him a stronger anti-histamine than I had given him and also an inhaler as he said he seemed to be asthmatic. He advised me the dog had to go - I immediately took him back to the friend, who arranged for him to be rehomed. The doctor advised no contact with dogs as the reaction was quite severe and further contact may make it develop into an anaphylactic reaction.
Since then, after a couple of years, the doctor has said he is definitely not asthmatic. However he stil gets this asthmatic type reaction if he comes into contact with a dog.
My ex has now married a lady with a dog. He's promised lots of times to keep the dog locked away from the children when they have a contact visit with him. Each time they return I hear that this hasn't happened and my son has been ill, though my ex denies it. He says 'oh he sneezed a little but he's been fine'. I then hear from one of the boys that actually he coughed til he was sick and daddy had him up in the night, steaming him in the bathroom to try to help his cough. (I've told him not to do that and it doesn't work for an allergic reaction, in fact makes it work). He also gave him cough medicine which did nothing for the allergy and just gave him a chesty cough to go along with it.
I've supplied my ex with piriton to use and also an inhaler just in case my son gets breathing difficulties. This is in case there are any allergens around the house even though he promises he will vacuum thoroughly before they arrive and after the dog is supposedly locked away.
During the summer holidays there were a couple of incidences when I was with him and he had accidental contact with dogs. In one case a dog jumped up at him in the park. It touched his bear arms and licked his face. The reaction was quite frightening and very quick - faster and worse than the initial reaction I'd had at home. He got the same reactions - hay-fever type, breathing difficulties, coughing, but also his face and skin came out in red weals as if he'd been scalded. I wondered if the severity was because of having occasional contact with the ex's dog (he visits overnight once every 4 weeks). I saw the doctor, alone because the medicine worked and he was recovered after a few hours, and asked if this was likely. He said it was - and really he just needed to be kept away from dogs, altogether.
After a recent summer holiday visit to the ex it was clear from the conversation that the dog isn't locked away and my son had been ill again. Partly from the dog and partly because his new step-mother had baked cakes with eggs (which he is violently allergic to too) and told him not to be silly when he said he couldn't eat anything with egg in it - so he ate some and was sick. My son looked as if he'd lost weight, was pale and still had a cough from the contact with the dog.
I've been emailing my ex back and forth all week about this and have told him that I want a written guarantee that he (and his wife) will safeguard our son's health and ensure he has no contact with either eggs or dogs. He has ignored my request and just keeps emailing me asking when he can have them for a visit again.
I've even sent him articles on allergies and anaphylaxis to try to get him to understand my worries that continued exposure may cause him to develop a dangerous kind of reaction. I know its important for the boys to have contact with their father, but I feel like if I let my sons visit him at his home any more when its clear he's not willing to provide the written guarantee (maybe doesn't like lying in writing rather than verbally) then I am accepting that he isn't willing to give the guarantee and I'm allowing him to abuse my son and thats neglect on my part.
I emailed him last night to say if he won't give the written guarantee then I'm stopping contact visits to his house and will only allow supervised contact away from his home - maybe at a contact centre or something. I don't know anything about them or if there is one near but its worth looking into.
I know I've waffled a lot but I'm really going through it with this at the moment. My ex thinks I'm being awkward and overreacting to the situation. My hubby is away and wants to come home and knock the ex out! I'm sticking to my guns but not really sure wear I stand legally on this so its all very worrying.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.