Before I start I should explain that I'm feeling a mixture of emotions but mostly feeling really hacked off and fed up with DD's nursery. A bit of history : DD 4.5 is allergic to the wheat, eggs, Tree Nuts, Peanuts and other legumes (lentils, mung beans, chick peas, kidney beans, soya), Sesame, Rapeseed Oil, Oats as well as cats and pollen. I also suspect other foods. I am a very careful parent, like most mums of allergic kids and always make sure things are mentioned and that I double check everything.
Here goes...
They have baking on a Thursday and I asked yesterday what they would be making and did I need to provide anything. The converstaion moved onto 'well we could do with a couple of bags of flour for playdough'. The lady who mentioned that seemed to say that she has been buying it the last couple of time. I used to provide it (Doves Rice Flour) until the main nursery teacher told me that they could get it. I'm happy to provide stuff as I often feel guilty that I am 'putting on' the nursery by DD going there. I'm not very confident and always feel like that about this nursery. Anyway, the conversation went onto what they were making and it was gingerbread men. I asked what the recipe was and was told flour, butter, sugar and ginger. Feeling happy I asked if DD could join in and 'have a go' at making some. They said they would do this and she would be in the first group and they would use the WF/GF flour. All good.
When I went to collect DD this afternoon, she came out carrying her ginger bread man. As soon as I noticed it and said hello, DD said 'it has egg in it'. I suddenly felt like the rug had been pulled from under me. I immediately took the little bad and noticed that there were grease spots on the side so asked DD if she would go in and wash her hands again. I asked the teacher and she said yes it does have egg (same lady as I'd spoken to the day before). My immediate thoughts were ' was she ok handling it'. They said she had rolled it out and had been fine so presumably the parent helper had made the dough. DD didn't go in to wash her hands but the teacher said that because I worry, that they had made sure DD washed her hands afterwards. Wouldn't they ask all the children to wash their hands after handling dough that contained raw egg. Not sure why they felt they had to make that point. Anyway, I was surprised but relieved that DD was ok and had been ok. As we left I noticed that she had a red weal on one cheek, where she'd touched her face after giving me the biscuit bag.
When I see a weal, I have no idea if it's just a lone thing or if it's the start of something else. I was actually going to let DD try some of the biscuit she'd made so am SO SO pleased she mentioned it as the staff hadn't.
WHen I saw that I just felt so shaky and upset and really really angry. I HATE confrontation but went back to the nursery and spoke to the main teacher and I couldn't believe her attitude.
I said that DD isn't allowed to handle egg and that it is written on the Care Plan which was finalised in the first few weeks she was there. The teacher said 'well she has to try it at some point'. I was kinda dumbstruck and couldn't believe she said that. I should have replied ' well when it's deemed to be safe she will try some in a food challenge under medical supervision'. I mentioned that when we discussed it the day before, egg hadnt been mentioned. She said 'oh hadn't it?'. She apologised but only after I pointed out that it was in the care plan. She said she'd make sure it didn't happen again but I don't believe her. I get the feeling that once the care plan was pinned up on the wall it hasn't been looked at. I then asked if it would be ok for DD to go and wash her hands and again they said 'well she did wash them' so I said, 'she's been holding the bag and the grease has come through'. The teacher immediately said 'well that was her own butter so that wouldn't be a problem' so I said 'well the fact that it's on the bag and the biscuit has egg in it then I think she should wash her hands'. I get the feeling that there is alot of eye rolling that goes on. The number of times this lady has said to me 'well she's got to try it sometime'. If anyone says that again to me I think i'll scream. Oh and she also said ' DD said that she never eats
whatever she brings home anyway' as if it's okay to handle a food that she's allergic to. I then had to remind her that DD hasn't ever bought anything home as when she first started nursery their oven didn't work so they hadn't done any baking.
I also said to this teacher that the care plan is there for a reason and if with a class of 26 kids it's difficult to make sure DD is ok, then I could take her out of the nursery. She replied saying 'don't make this into a bigger issue than it is'. When we left I, as usual, apologised for being a pain, and she said 'no you must talk to us' but all the while I talk to them I get a feeling that they really would rather I just go away.
Anyway, we came home, and I noticed that DD had a few more little nettle rash type lone spots on her face and hands and shoulder. So I gave her a bath and even though it was only 3.40 and made her wait for something to eat. She was very upset and I ended up bursting into tears at which DD nearly cried again.
I have never felt that the staff at the nursery believe me and that they think i'm an OTT mum. I really hate the way they make me feel. I the past when they've had things that DD can't do, they explained this to her by saying 'well your mummy doesn't want you to do that' rather than, unfortunately because you're allergic to this it might make you feel poorly. AAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHHH!!! When DD first started I made sure that they understood the allergies she has and for the last term, everything's been in place so I haven't said or asked for anything. I'm like one of the other mums and drop her off at the door and pick her up at the door.
When I saw the next few weals after we got home, I was seriously thinking I'll complain but I'm not sending her back. I spoke to DP this evening and he just says that I need to remind them again about things. He always talks about what I should do not what we should do but that's a whole other thread.
Anyway, am I being unreasonable about this? I don't feel I can trust them really. Thank goodness DD mentioned there were eggs in the biscuits. The other thing that I've been concerned about for a long while, ever since she started there really, is that they always seem to have different people working in the nursery and I don't know how good they are at making sure they know that DD has allergies. DD takes her own water bottle in which was agreed on day 1, and she has been told by one of the staff that 'this isn't a nursery for opening bottles' one day when I'd tightened the lid a bit too much. Since then DD doesn't drink water there at all.
Today, there were 2 parent helpers and 1 was doing baking. I know the mum and I know she wouldn't have used egg in the mix if she had been told that DD was allergic. But I don't think there is any handover of information at all and with food allergies and handling foods you'd think that would happen. I think the care plan is on the wall gathering dust and isn't used at all.
I am all over the place with this post,sorry. The care plan explicitly says to discuss baking with me and also to NOT let DD handle the foods she's allergic to. What's the point of a care plan??
I feel so so angry and sad and have that same feeling again that it's me vs the world on this.
very very very very :(