The Continuing Support Thread for Anyone Trying to Lead an Alcohol-Free Life Spring into Summer 2026

[REP22]

Hello and welcome. I’m glad you’ve found your way here. We are a bunch of people who are trying to give up and keep off alcohol. No judgement, just honest support and kindness.
The original thread was started by @drybird2020 in 2020 and we have plenty of veterans and newer members who can offer advice and signposting. You are welcome here, whether you post several times a day, once or twice and then never again, or if you only just come to read but have no intention of ever posting.
Whatever your stage on the AF journey, and whatever you’re going through, someone here will have gone through it too. Don’t be shy about posting, we love to celebrate your successes of whatever shape and size - and will support you when things get challenging. We get it, we've been there too.
All we ask is that you’re genuinely trying to abstain. We don't encourage moderation-only here, as it can be triggering for some to read. If you’re looking to moderate your drinking rather than quitting it altogether then MN has another long-running and very active moderation/abstaining thread that’s always near the top on the alcohol support board. Lots of fine support there from those worthy people too. Keep trying. Sobriety may not be easy - but I guarantee you that it is worth it.
I started trying to give up drink in 2018, succeeded (mostly) in 2019 but had a few “wobbles”, one of which led me here in April 2023. I still struggle sometimes but the posters on this thread have been an absolute godsend of wisdom, support and encouragement, along with my dog - known here as Sid (not his real name), and they keep me going. I hope you find strength and comfort here too. This thread and its wonderful posters has been a lifesaver to many, and have certainly seen me through many good and not-so-good days.
These books were particularly helpful to me and I still go back to them from time to time: The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley (Amazon - Sober Diaries) and The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray (Amazon - Unexpected Joy). Others have found This Naked Mind by Annie Grace (Amazon - This Naked Mind) helpful. There are Apps that help track your AF journey, including Reframe and the ones I use, I Am Sober and TryDry. Podcasts can also be helpful. I have found One for the Road by Sober Dave to be a good listen. But different things work for different people. Feel free to post and ask. There is solidarity, wisdom and support here. This is a safe space where your voice will be heard, understood and valued.
Lighter evenings, blossom and birdsong are with us once again. Pull up a chair, and make yourself at home. It's going to be alright. x

@REP22 The idiot got himself beaten up at least twice by starting on the wrong guy though, which is joyous to remember 😂

@Pinotgrigioblues - aw, thank you. I am so sorry you had to go through that; it must have been deeply unpleasant to endure. Glad to hear he got his righteous comeuppance at least a couple of times though. Some people just have no filter. Glad you're free of him now. x

Welcome @Blueskysarecoming and @OldHattie !

@WendyWagon I was the one talking about getting worn out by social events, but it was actually @Onewildandpreciouslife who overheard the comment on the train about social battery (it's a great comment). I like the idea of one of us perhaps overhearing your DD on the train ❤

I also love the term 'internet oddball', ha.

@WhatMaggieDid congrats on finishing day 4, and on your 25th wedding anniversary tomorrow (wow!). I had to laugh at Dorito-induced scurvy. I'm also a fan of Doritos. I actually remember that when I first came to the UK from the US, there were no Doritos available here, and I really missed them. 😳Now, thanks to globalisation, you can get a LOT of American junk food in Britain. This is a mixed blessing 😂

Anyway I'm doing OK, thanks. Still sober but am feeling quite anxious today for no identifiable reason. It's probably the looming onset of term and the prospect of returning to work. There are a million things I could be doing today but I have a bit of 'task paralysis' I think. Am about to take DS2 into the centre to collect his glasses (which his mate playfully pushed off his face last week, and caused to break in quite spectacular fashion, sigh).

Just have to keep keeping on despite the free-floating anxiety. Have done meditation plus a gratitude list and am now posting on here; this is my checklist of Things That Help.

@Pinotgrigioblues I think the original term was 'sidewalk chicken' (US urban slang) and then patriarchy chicken became the feminist version! Thank god you got away from your ex. Why are there so many insecure, bullying men in the world? (rhetorical question)

@rep22 really good to see you back and please don't worry about having let that guy get you down. I can also take things like that very much to heart if I'm having a vulnerable day. In my case I think it's partly down to childhood conditioning: if you grow up with very critical parents who are constantly telling you you've done something wrong, that belief dies hard. When people criticise me, I can intellectually know it's unfair (in some cases at least!) but there is still that little child deep down in the unconscious mind producing thoughts like, 'It's true, I did something wrong, I'm a bad person'. Negative self-talk is not easy to get rid of. Telling other people about what happened can be a great way of countering it though! Other people reassure us that we are not fucking dishonest or unkind or insane. (At least not any more than any ordinary human being!)

On a cheerier note, I'm over the moon about Orban being defeated in Hungary yesterday. Such bright news for the world. (Take that, J.D. Vance!)

Have a beautiful sober day all.

@MaineStorm I forgot to say welcome to you as well!

Thank you @elusivehope - you have definitely described my mindset down to a tee. One or two choice words and I'm back to being a guilt-ridden and wretched 7 year old. Bless you - I'm sorry that's been your reality too.

I too view with great pleasure the election results in Hungary - I hope many good things come out of it, for Hungarians and people in that part of Europe. I get a weekly scurrilous gossip email, and one of the articles in today's is basically about JD Vance being some form of Grim Reaper. It says:

"JD Vance’s reputation as something of the American Liz Truss has really been cemented in the past week. He’s the kiss of death for world leaders.
First, he visited Pope Francis, who died immediately afterwards. Most recently, Trump sent him to Islamabad to oversee Iran peace tasks, which immediately fell apart.
And in between JD was dispatched to Hungary to try to secure a victory for Viktor Orban.
Who last night lost in a landslide defeat to incoming candidate Peter Magyar."

The man's a maggot. x

Totally agree about Vance & Orban, did you see the image Trump put out with himself depicted as Jesus……… the mind boggles, you think it can’t get worse, but it can!

Omg that Donald J(esus?) Trump was hilarious... but also not 😬

Yes I saw that picture - there are a couple of threads running about it. In one sense it's hilarious, in another it's deeply disturbing. I've got a (former) childhood friend who is so far down the MAGA rabbit-hole, it's chilling. They absolutely lap this stuff up. I think it's been posted by DT to try and wind up the Pope, who is doing an excellent jo of not biting back.

The bloke DT is "resurrecting" in the picture looks like Rio Ferdinand. Ah well. Blessed are the cheesemakers, they say. And he does look increasingly like a 'human' cheesy Wotsit.

please don’t worry - you seem absolutely lovely from your messages and he sounds like a complete and utter horrid man. People like that are terrible to encounter and can really shake you. Try not to give him any more thought x

Morning shipmates!
A cup of tea in bed before work. Went to the gym last night and the legs are feeling it. @PhantomOfAllKnowledge the tartan is great isn’t it? I’ve always been into the history of witches and witchcraft and it’s dreadful to think how many women suffered and were accused and why. Such petty grievances at times but just say the word witch and that’s your neighbour done for. Anyway perhaps not the most inspirational morning post but hope everyone had a great day!

Morning shipmates.
It's been raining here.

No news on our house yet but sadly cottage number two sold to someone else yesterday. Curses. You can't put an offer in unless you've sold around our way.
I still love the original beauty but we've had to take a huge price cut so it makes things very tight if we buy that. Can't help loving the pink sparkle in the granite worktop!
Pressure to consider a bungalow which I hate.

Hair do today and a visit from my niece. Her baby is due next month. Great aunt Wendy!

Good morning. I don't envy you @WendyWagon I moved house last year - very stressful experience!

I had an awful nightmare last night. I've woken up feeling exhausted tbh.

Day 3.here.

I'm so sorry a man was so unkind to you @REP22. I agree with other posters this is about him, not you. I've been lurking in the background for a while and you have been nothing but kind, supportive and compassionate. I hope you are feeling better.

Morning
So annoying on the cottage but perhaps a sign?
The tartan is fabulous and I love the story behind it. That kind of hysteria is still alive and well though isn't it - one wrong step and the masses ring their bells.

Sorry about the nightmare @Blueskysarecoming- you've probably read on here already that vivid dreams are common on the first couple of weeks. Hopefully a more delightful one on the way for you.

I have a very boozy industry event this week. I said originally that I didn't want to go but got strong armed into it. It's not so much that I'm worried about the drinking, more so that I'm going to be so bored. It's a big awards thing with a dinner and I won't be able to leave until all that's finished and the disco starts which is usually about 11.30pm! Usually have good hosts though. We've had Alan Carr, Michael McIntyre, Claudia etc. though I still think I'd rather be at home with my dog!

Morning all. 100 days today. I am not counting my 3 day blip on holiday but I’d done 95 before that and have done 5 since. I know that’s probably cheating but it’s what I need to keep me motivated.

@Lavrander it’s usually much worse anticipating these things than actually experiencing them. Hope you find that this time. And a good host will be very distracting.

@WendyWagon that’s very frustrating about the cottage. It’s so hard when you fall in love with somewhere but your hands are tied.

@eekwhatnow I think 100 days is marvellous, blip or no.

I'm ok about the cottage this morning. The more expensive one is my favourite. It's like a picture book tbh. It's very girly. Sadly we won't be allowed a garage and that was pushing the other into the lead. However as soon as we've sold I'll be speaking to the owner. No work to do there accept for the garden which is a choice not a need.

Chasing my car now so I can get out and about.

Thanks to everyone for the welcoming on board 😊
Just checking in, day 8 AF for me today.

I am here and lurking. I'm just reading the older AF threads.
Well done to everyones milestones 🎉

Good morning shipmates,

Congratulations on 100 days @eekwhatnow - that's fantastic, really encouraging! 🎉

Thank you for your very kind words @Blueskysarecoming - I really appreciate that. I am glad you are here with us. 💖

@Lavrander - I can understand your apprehension about your industry event, despite the outward glitz, many shadows lie therein. Hopefully, as @eekwhatnow says, anticipation will be worse than the experience. A bit of posh dinner might be good. Perhaps you can amuse yourself with internal Attenborough commentary in your head as you peruse the room "Here we see Bobo, adult alpha male, regarding the truffle foam on his plate with deep suspicion. His mate Clara, the alpha female of the pack, encourages him to eat. Unbeknownst to Clara, there is a new alpha joining the herd, who has aroused Bobo's latent desires. Enter Peter..." That might stave off the boredom for a short while... 😉

Sorry about the desirable cottage @WendyWagon - that's a bit disheartening. Might there be scope in the other place for a conversion of part of the garden into a car space? My M's neighbour has done that - got a dropped kerb and paved standing in place of the useless lawn. Only for other neighbours to park their 4x4s and caravan in front of it, alas. An ongoing saga - a hotbed of passion and intrigue... 🙄 Have a lovely visit with your niece. You'll be a fabulous Great Aunt. I must book a hairdo myself. Getting straggly and it always makes me feel better.

@PhantomOfAllKnowledge - that tartan sounds interesting. A nice way to gently commemorate what those poor women (and a few men) went through. Witch persecution is an unforgivable blight on our history (I think it still goes on in some countries). I used to work next to an independent bookshop and was regularly tempted by their window display - I bought a book there about 20 years ago called Witchfinders by Malcolm Gaskill; it was very sobering reading. I recently found it in a box of bits and re-read it.

Slimming World tonight lads. At least I won't be carrying the additional coffee and cake that I didn't get at the NT place. Onwards in hope.

Strength and courage. It will be alright. x

Thank you Rep for the sympathetic words. I know my parents didn't set out to give me a lifelong case of low self-esteem, but... anyway, I'm sending a hug to your 7-year-old self, and raising a mug of tea to all those of us who have survived childhood trauma/emotional abuse. (There's a strong correlation between childhood trauma and AUD, I'm just saying.)

So true about Vance. On the basis of his recent political successes so far, I saw someone on social media say, 'Please come to the UK to campaign for Nigel, we need you!' which made me laugh.

I didn't know about the witch/tartan link, but I'm not exactly surprised. Very interesting! I work on a lot of pre-modern stuff in my day job, and one persistent trope is the Eve vs Mary one. If you're a woman, you have two choices: either you're a whore who brings about men's downfall, or you're an ideal virgin mother (a feat which is quite literally biologically impossible for women to emulate, ha). As I say to my students, lucky Mary got to have a baby and become the most famous mother in Western history without ever actually having sex. Very relatable. (Not.) That said, there are loads of women across the centuries of history who are doing and writing wonderful things, despite the men who are fearfully trying to imprison them in the virgin/whore trope. But I digress.

@Lavrander best of luck with your boozy event, that sounds prestigious but not easy!

Bravo @eekwhatnow on your 100 days, I think your counting system is entirely justified.

@WendyWagon I'm crossing all my toes and fingers for you about the cottage!

I'm OK today but still feeling anxious. Am trying to get some cleaning done today and have bought a large M&S ready-made lasagne for dinner... I know ready-made meals aren't the best health-wise, but it means I can clean the kitchen without having to mess the kitchen up again by cooking dinner 😳

@WendyWagon what a shame about the cottage but the other does sound rather magical. I hope the right move lands for you! Moving is the worst stress. Estate agents, solicitors, tons of money and huge anxiety to boot! Although Great Aunt Wendy sounds like a fabulous time to come.
@Blueskysarecoming the dreams are a bit hideous in the early days although mine were more weird than scary thankfully and settled down after about 2 weeks. I think the body has been missing REM quality sleep for so long your brain just goes a bit scatty initially!
@Lavrander I feel your pain on the boozy work stuff. I never drank at work events as liked to maintain my fake persona of being a woman in full control of her life (whilst boozing every evening). But one just after I properly quit was initially so long and dull I had to channel my @REP22 and just gawp at other people with another non drinking colleague. And so it ended up more fun than I thought it would be. The disco started at midnight but I was already in a cab and gone like Cinderella but thankfully wearing both glass slippers!
@elusivehope yep the Eve and Mary trope is alive and well. Reminds me of a former job when I reported a male boss for his behaviour towards young female colleagues. It was an entirely demoralising experience full of victim blaming, poor depressed blameless men and insinuations of predatory young women trying to cause trouble and I became rather cynical for a time although I’d do it again. I think older women in the workplace can at times be portrayed as bitter and unkind to younger women. I’ve never felt jealous of young women! I enjoyed my youth but it’s done and I’m happy with my lot.
And in more cheerful news I too had an oven ready lasagne last night so you’re in good company!

And masdive congratulations @eekwhatnow on 100 days! Woohoo!

Congratulations on 100 days @eekwhatnow!

Great advice on the event everyone - I shall go into it with intrigue rather than trepidation. No point building it up in my head. Thing is I never hugely enjoyed it when I was drinking (probably because there was such a risk of making an idiot of oneself - which people often do!) so there's probably a bit of that still lurking - I don't need to monitor myself at all this time which is good.

I'm sorry you're feeling anxious @elusivehope. Could it be hormone related as well? I need to start tracking it better but I do find for me it tends to get worse at certain points in my cycle. Doesn't hugely help but could give you a bit of light at the end of the tunnel.

Good luck @Lavrander with the event.
@elusivehope I'm sorry your feeling anxious. I'm with you. Drinking has always been about trying to manage anxiety. I feel pretty exposed without that numbing. I hope you have a better day.

Day 4, I'm shocked and embarrassed to notice physical symptoms like head aches which I'm guessing is from stopping drinking.

@eekwhatnow huge congratulations on 100 days, how amazing 👏

Good morning shipmates,

Grey and drizzly here, but already had a nice little walk with Sid to set me up.

Thank you for the hug @elusivehope - I needed that. x

I fully agree on the virgin/whore/witch trope stuff. It's relentless. And the pillorying from some other women towards those who dare to speak up and speak out particularly boils my p~ss. When Virginia Giuffre first started to speak out my M's early assessment of her was "well, she was clearly no angel". Normally reticent, I did let fly with both barrels on that one. She has fully revised her opinion, thankfully. The relentless pile-on directed towards JK Rowling also troubles me deeply, though she handles it masterfully in public.

Watching The Other Bennet Sister on BBC recently, I was struck anew by how limited women's options really were. They had a line "marriage or misery" and that was certainly a reality for so many. They had to marry and endure without love in order to have somewhere to live. It was a brave, often unwise, choice not to. Jane Austen herself received a proposal of marriage from a friend's brother (the unfortunately-monikered Harris Bigg-Wither), he was a wealthy young man with a country estate. She accepted, but knew she didn't love him. She had an immediate re-think overnight and it ended with Jane's eldest brother having to come and collect Jane and her sister from the Bigg-Wither's house the following day, both girls in tears. The Austens weren't wealthy and if it hadn't been for two of her brothers having successful naval careers and one having been adopted by a wealthy childless couple, the Austen ladies would have been seriously destitute. Things aren't always great for us, but at least we do have more choices. Good for Jane and her bravery I say.

I hear you on the anxiety @elusivehope - it will fade. I get it too though. In the early days for me I think it was a left-over continuous nagging sensation of "however will I cope without the booze". It is a type of grieving I think. Hang in there, we are with you.

Well done on day 4 @Blueskysarecoming - that's really brilliant. I know how hard it is. You are absolutely right - headaches, anxiety, all these things are your body learning to do without the toxins it craves. It will get better, I promise. It's really hard to ride it out sometimes, but you can do it. You really can. Please try not to be shocked and embarrassed (easier typed than done, I know). You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. There is no shame in bravery. None whatsoever. You're doing brilliantly.

Unexpectedly big weight loss recorded at SW last night. Excellent. No doubt the pounds will be back - with their mates - but I shall take the win and hold my head high.

Strength and courage shipmates. We are going to make it. It will be alright. x