Please help me mean it this time...

[BitOfFun2026]

I know I have a problem with alcohol. I don't really go out much but it's been getting to the point where I drink two bottles of wine per night in the house - and to make it worse I order them from Just-Eat/Deliveroo because I think I'll be good and not buy any from the supermarket. I'm thousands of pounds in debt and obviously £20+ a night a few times a week has contributed to that.

The thing is, when I don't drink I manage my life great. I start every week with good intentions - gym, meditation, medication, skincare, etc. and then something minor and inconsequential will happen and I just think fuck it, order the wine.

I do have autism and I strongly suspect ADHD (hence the impulsivity) and have also struggled with anxiety and depression since I was a small child (complex history of trauma). Medication helps with anxiety but the depression has been diagnosed as medication-resistant dysthymia so although I take meds I don't know how much it helps. Recently started using a tCMS device but it's too soon to notice a difference.

My dad was an alcoholic who died from alcoholic cardiomyopathy when I was 13 (he was 41). My mum says she sees a lot of him in me, especially when I've lied to her about drinking. In my defence, I don't feel I should have to justify myself to her and yes I have lied - for example, I met with her recently after being at the pub and told her I'd just had a couple of beers but stupidly put a photo on SM of me drinking a glass of wine (the only one I did have, plus beers)

I'm also massively menopausal after a hysterectomy last year aged 39 due to endometriosis, which hasn't actually been made any better by the surgery. I'm on 3 types of HRT but my metabolism has slowed so much and I'm putting weight on - I eat really well when not drinking, but obviously the hangovers make it harder to eat healthily too!

I do also currently work far too many hours of unpaid overtime (NHS) but if I don't do it then the work piles up and doesn't get done which makes me more stressed. Currently single (it's complicated) but do have hobbies, friends, family, etc. I don't lock myself away to drink.

I would be really grateful for any tips or support at all... thanks so much in advance!

My dad and ex husband were alcoholics and I know all the drama that went with it caused me to drink a lot and I still do. Going to your GP and being brave and just say it opens up a world of help and they don’t judge. Carry on drinking this way and living will be existing until you don’t exist. Baby steps are massive. It is hard but the life you need to live isn’t encased in glass. Phone your doctor today 💐

How are you holding up tonight @BitOfFun2026 ?

@Tuckup I'm ok thank you so much for asking! Day two without a drink and to be honest it hasn't even crossed my mind as I'm so up against it with a piece of work for Friday and an assignment that's due on Monday! I got the wrong date for the assignment so I really need to spend every waking hour on it...

Would you consider some AA meetings? Only thing that worked for me.

I tried it once, not for me. Mostly because I don't like the religious aspect of it

How long ago?

Is anyone in your life aware of your drinking?

A few years ago, but it doesn't change anything - the premise of AA is still the same. Also sitting in a group of strangers feels like complete hell to me (ASD)

A couple of friends/family are aware yes.

So this has been a serious problem for years.

Have you been open to your GP about it.

There is medication that can make you feel sick when drinking

Not for years, no - it was bad a few years ago and I managed to get past it. It's just crept up again more recently

I can't get the medication that makes you feel sick - I tried. I tried Naltrexone which is meant to reduce cravings but it had no impact on me whatsoever, plus it was incredibly expensive

What did you do last time to address it?
Do you live alone?

Go back to your GP and ask for help. You are worth it! You deserve a life free of alcohol, debt and hangovers. There may be a new medication or another support group to try. Best of luck.

Take a look at the reframe app.

I’m finding it incredibly helpful as it focuses on the science behind the reasons we reach for alcohol to change how we feel. It’s not judgy and is a combination of daily short tasks, real life support, science and self guided tracking. You can also work towards being alcohol free or reduction. Dry or damp! I like the way it tallies up the number of drinks I’ve avoided too, so even if I do have a slip, I can still see the progress.
In fact, one of the take away objectives is progress not perfection in changing our relationship with alcohol.
Give it a go? It’s a paid for app, but costs less per week than a bottle of wine.

I'm not an expert but I feel that there are things underlying the drinking that are contributing to it. The drinking is a symptom, not a cause.

As others have said, you need support, GP, support groups, helplines, keep on plugging until you hit the button that helps.

Not sure if you're a reader, but Gabor Mate has an interesting take on addiction and trauma here's a link

You mention you’ve tried AA but don’t like the ‘religious aspect’ of it. It’s worth trying different meetings because some (I’d go as far as to say most) don’t focus on that at all. When I got sober nearly 4 years ago I went to every meeting in my area for several weeks, and eventually settled on a couple that I felt really comfortable in.

Hi @BitOfFun2026 you are more than welcome to join our little group chat. No pressure, we are here if you would like to join us.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5479863-calling-time-on-wine-100-day-reset-thread-2-one-day-at-a-time-together?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

@Tuckup I don't really know what I did to be honest, I guess life got a little less stressful (I went on secondment for six months to a very low demand job) I was also in a relationship with someone who didn't drink at all. Yes I live alone.

@Abustedflush Thank you - I will take a look

@GoldDuster I'm actually reading this book right now but finding it really hard going as he keeps mentioning his addiction to buying music and I find it a bit self-indulgent! I also struggle to see any sort of link between my trauma and my situation because I genuinely don't know what I see alcohol as being - a stress reliever I guess but that doesn't tally then with past experience if you see what I mean

@doglikescheeseontoast well done on your sobriety - I can only hope for that one day! I think the idea of meetings really puts me off as I have ASD and am vey socially awkward (unless drinking, ironically). I know you can do them online but I already spend hours a day in online meetings for work...

@Ladymuckypuddle I will have a little look (and maybe join in) - thank you

You have great insight

You just don’t see to have any RL support at all.

Have you considered the GP?

@Tuckup the GP would only refer us to our local support services, and to be honest I already know what they would tell me to do or what support to access. Even when I've been honest in the past with family/friends they've never supported me to actually stop, it's always been the assumption that I must be able to drink in moderation. I could get a private prescription for disulfiram, not sure if that's a route to try...

Because I've explored it all myself. I work in a role adjacent to this type of thing so I know what's available and what's on offer. What I lack is willpower and nobody but me can support with that

@BitOfFun2026you say you have tried naltrexone and it didn’t help? Was that the Sinclair method where you take it one hour before drinking? I’m going that and it’s working really well. It’s a real shame if it’s not working for you.

Yes that's what I tried, honestly didn't have any impact on me whatsoever. But then again, I don't think my brain responds to medication of any sort!

The thing is, when I don't drink I manage my life great. I start every week with good intentions - gym, meditation, medication, skincare, etc. and then something minor and inconsequential will happen and I just think fuck it, order the wine.

I think this, combined with your autism, might mean you could replace your drinking with healthier activities, as long as you can make them appealing enough!

For me, that means stats and stats and more stats. I invested in a Garmin Vivoactive 5 fitness tracker watch, which I like because instead of just having an app it has a whole online dashboard where you can obsessively monitor progress and see measurable results. If you feed some of the data into AI, you can get even more detailed feedback, which is very encouraging.

There's plenty of free fitness stuff on YouTube, such as Juice & Toya for weights, Move with Nicole for Pilates, etc.

If you wanted to lose weight, you can tie in the Garmin with Cronometer.com and also obsessively track nutrition! There is no end to the fun 🤓

All of this gives you confidence that you're doing the right things, and is very motivating. I find that it puts me off something like drinking because it's just wasteful, empty calories that don't benefit me.

Congratulations that’s fantastic. My husband is just out of rehab and I’m looking for any positive stories so wonderful to see this !!