Absolutely no judgement, you have a lot on your plate and you’re definitely not alone, and there are a lot of us in the peri/menopause stage that have the same struggle. I may now only do a bottle a week (still too much), but it hasn’t always been this way, and it use to take up far too much headspace and effort trying to keep a firm control of how much I drank, so don’t beat yourself up.
A bottle of wine most nights is not considered “low risk”, but you know that really… it’s so damaging to our long-term health, even if you otherwise live a very healthy life. I know that I tell myself the same (bar my health issues), I’ve always exercised, run, have lifted weights for years and eat very well, no upf, healthy bmi but I know that it’s not going to protect me from the harmful effects of alcohol and there are just too many for me to want to risk it for much longer.
When you’re using alcohol to cope with life’s stresses and as a transition at the end of the day, into that wind down time, to suddenly take it away feels like real deprivation, I know it did for me initially. That’s not weakness, that’s just changes to our brain chemistry and having learnt that alcohol helps us relax and gives us quick relief(even if only very temporary).
I know for me that change hasn’t happened overnight but it’s been more a gradual process and less of an all or nothing approach. I’m now at the stage that I can’t ignore the damage that alcohol can do and as I get longer periods of sobriety under my belt the easier it is to reframe how I look at alcohol and feel less like I am missing out but more what I’m gaining.
I started by listening to podcasts; there are so many out there, that there’s sure to be one that fits. Even though I still have periods of drinking, I go for a walk several times a week and listen for an hour to somebody else’s story of how alcohol has effected them and their lives and how they have overcome this. It really is so motivating and I can relate to ordinary men and women who have faced this same issues.
In the early days I attended SMART online group sessions; you dont have to give any details and I always had my camera turned off and I never actually spoke, but just showing up and listening to others who were in the same boat has been a tremendous help, and they teach tools for when those cravings hit - again this just keeps the focus and reinforces the message of how damaging alcohol is.
I think the fact you’re now questioning your alcohol consumption and wanting to change is such a positive step and I think what stands out most from your post is that you have to be kinder to yourself, because feeling shame and berating yourself for being weak just doesn’t work! We’ve all been there, so keep posting and showing up!