Give me a list of positives for giving up drinking please

[strugglesabit]

I know I have to do this and today is only day one but I just can’t see a positive at the moment.
Drinking was how we had fun, how we unwound and was all we did.
We are doing this together Dh and I but I’m a bit scared he’s mentally stronger than me.

Tell me life can be fun and we can be happy without drinking.

I have just turned 42 and started drinking 24 years ago and it’s been a problem from the start.

My partner stopped last year. Although I will drink alcohol i have reduced significantly.

What is better.....EVERYTHING

Life just feels more relaxed, everything is easier to cope with. Our communication is better, less anxiety driven.

We've been away a few times and up early and made the most of the time. Previous holidays it felt like by 4pm you're looking for the bar! We enjoy working out now so booked hotels with a gym.

There's a clarity of thought that just isn't there when you drink. I don't care what anyone says even a couple of drinks a night seriously diminishes your cognitive function.

Weekends are full but with doing what we want not what we can manage due to feeling hungover.

Better skin
better hair (alcohol destroys collagen)
Less anxiety
better sleep (eventually- the first couple of weeks may be hard)
more energy
real connection
you may lose weight (but that may take time and you will crave sugar initially- go with it)
more time in the day
whiter eyes
you will get to the end of TV programmes awake
you will save a lot of money
you will lower your risk of 7 cancers (including breast cancer) and heart disease
your resting heart rate will drop (if you measure that kind of thing)
if you can do this, you can do anything you put your mind to

is that enough to be getting on with?

Good luck. It is hard but so worth it

Not feeling hungover the next day, even if it is a mild hangover
Better sleep
Saving money
Reduced calorie intake from not drinking the alcohol and not getting the munchies while you are drinking, and not eating crap the next day when you are feeling a bit bleugh
Not feeling addicted to something
Feeling mentally sharper
Feeling energetic enough to go and do some exercise because you have slept well and are not hungover
Realising how boring even slightly drunk people are

These are my reasons.

I’ve always juggled drinking with a healthy lifestyle so I’m just going keep my focus on exercise, I run and eat healthy so I think I just need to throw everything into that.

I think my drinking was fuelled by boredom. I don’t have physical addiction but I do crave that dopamine rush when I’m bored.

I gave up at the end of May, so I'm over 120 days now. I'm late 50s and I'd been drinking since early 20s. It started off as fun then it simply wasn't.
Anyway, positives so far ( from someone who used to plan her hangovers).

• I've lost 15lb *I've saved at least £750
• I have more energy
• I sleep better ( not always perfectly, but at least I don't have hangover)
• My skin is clearer, my eyes are brighter
• I no longer wake up checking my phone wondering what stupid things I said
• I'm definitely happier.

So many really !
For me, moderating didn't work. I had to abstain completely - literally, take it off the table.
And, one day at a time. One hour, even.
I never believed it when people told me life was better. It was such an ingrained habit for me. But it is possible and life really is better.
You can do it ❤️

For me the best thing was getting rid of the guilt. I had bad anxiety after a drinking session and always worried that I'd said or done something out of order. I tended to be a bit of a twat when drunk and it is the best feeling being in control. I still sometimes look with envy at the conviviality of people having a drink together but remind myself that I never stopped at one.

@strugglesabit I often drank when bored. It was my biggest trigger.
I wrote a list of Things To Do When Bored.
It ranges from walking, talking, watching a film to cleaning the bathroom.
House has never been more organised.

I have a holiday booked for the end of October, just a long weekend at a resort we’ve been to before which has evening entertainment and a bar. I know this is going to be the hardest part.
I can’t cancel because we’re a family of 5 and that would be selfish and disappointing for everyone but it will be a test of strength.

Just to say, I totally identify with it being a way of having fun and winding down. It feels like you'll never have fun again if it doesn't involve a drink, like you're missing out on something? Weekends for me meant drinks! But that feeling does pass when you realise you can get up and out and have conversations you actually remember fully!!! You feel a different energy and that will make you feel positive and well, alive?? Aware?! I would plan my weekends around a hangover and that was when I realised I needed to stop. Plus my skin does look better, and I don't feel so bloated or heavy. Good luck OP, you can do it!

@strugglesabit in my previous attempts at being sober, the biggest mistake I made was looking too far ahead.
One day at a time.
You may get to the end of October and be feeling so fantastic that you don't want to drink. You don't know yet.

Never having to worry there might be alcohol somewhere in your system when you drive later the next day.

I used to drink when I was bored in the evenings to 'fill the gap'. When I stopped drinking I used that time (amazing how much of it there is) to do things I really enjoyed. Doing things I really enjoy makes me much happier than drink every did and now I look forward to doing that stuff as much as I used to drinking.

Just an idea about October. Are you at a resort where you can book activities? If so, could you book stuff for early the following morning so your evenings won't be as long and you'll have a good reason to stay sober and get up earlier?
Find a non alcoholic drink you REALLY like and then you won't feel deprived.

Me and DP have done this and TBH it's been much easier than I imagined. Almost all our social lives revolved around drinking a lot

We have changed the way we live quite a bit. We see less of the friends who "need" their companions to drink with them, or have a reason we can't drink when we see them. E.g. medication or an early start. I used to think I needed a drink to e.g. get up and dance but it turns out it's just a state of mind and I can put myself in the same place without a drink.

We've found new things to do. Fewer big nights out, more trips out in the country and city breaks. Some new cultural and sporting events, some of which I've loved, others I won't repeat, but it's been great to try new things.

It's been lovely not to have the hangovers, to lose a bit of weight and it's shocking how much less money we're spending. It's also been good for our sex life!

@strugglesabit you will be amazed at how much your running will improve when you’re not drinking! Those heavy legs in the morning will be a thing of the past!

Sober holidays are different but wonderful. I love that I can get up early, go for a run and have a hearty breakfast before the rest of the world is awake

Alcohol is basically a poison, it's toxic and a grade 1 carcinogen. Even if you don't feel massively different for stopping drinking your body is really going to thank you for it. 24 years of drinking is going to have taken a toll, do yourself a favour while you're still relatively young.

Craving the dopamine rush and struggling to imagine going on holiday and not drinking don't sound great to me. Craving is not a functional word to use in relation to alcohol, it's worrying. And not being able to enjoy a holiday without it is like you've made alcohol a part of your identity and you don't know how to have fun or relax without it - so giving up will also mean you won't have to worry that you may be on the slippery slope to addiction.

I always used to think that it would be the drinking that made me give up drinking. That I'd have one killer hangover too many, or make such a big fool of myself I would never drink again. Perhaps a health scare.

Then I gave up drinking for a month because I was training for a sports event I'd stupidly got myself into whilst I was drunk.

It was the not drinking that made me give up drink. It was just so bloody lovely to not feel hungover, raddled, anxious, achy, exhausted. I'd not realised how I was rushing through my day just waiting for the point where I could open a bottle.

I didn't have to wonder if I'd said something I shouldn't the night before. No more anxious/bleary mornings eating crap, drinking tons of coffee and then worrying about my health. Better sleep, weight loss, feeling proud of myself.

Even if you only drink a glass or two a night you have no idea how it knocks you off kilter.

Not drinking is a wonderful and easy way to stay on a mellow, contented keel without even trying.

This is exactly why I want to do it.
My dad has been drinking excessively for twice as long and has just been diagnosed with liver disease and Alzheimer’s disease.
That’s potentially my reality if I don’t put it behind me now while I still can.
I am a binge drinker, I can have none or I can drink until I can’t drink anymore but I cannot just have one.

Alcohol is the thief of tomorrow; every drink you have, you’re stealing joy and time away from the next day, and your life. That always struck a cord with me - and now with a toddler, there’s even more reason not to do it to myself!

1. better quality sleep and all the associated health benefits
2. better overall heath and reduced health risks
3. potential weight loss if that’s your thing
4. reduced episodes of ‘the fear’ over what you might have done or said!
5. save money!
6. more time to do things you love (less time spent hungover)

Read The Naked Mind by Annie Grace. It switched a light on for me and now 2 months alcohol free!

You save an absolute fortune. DH and me haven’t stopped completely but our house drinking was out of control. We were spending about £200 a month on wine and beer. I’m saving all that now and have booked an extra week in Gran Canaria in March that will be totally funded by not drinking in the house.

I've started a new job with much more driving. I've had to cut down. That made me drink more earlier and gave me a really fucked up stomach. Vomiting and diarrhoea. Worrying about shitting myself in a layby on a motorway was my low. I think. On night three of abstaining. Plan is to do for week nights and then cut down weekends to hardly anything.
Handhold much welcome. I've been drinking heavily for almost 30 years. Both parents alcoholics. What a mess.
It sounds like so many of you are beating this and it's great. Well done.

Having been in your place, (my relationship to alocohol was very similar to yours), here are some things that worked for me personally.

I had to stop thinking of it as a mental struggle against something I wanted to do. I'm really mentally resilient, but viewing it as being deprived of something I enjoyed would always fail. Instead I reframed it. Before I tried to stop, I came to view alcohol as something incredibly dangerous, a poison, that would harm me. That little voice assuring me that one wouldn't hurt, was actually my body wanting a fix, rather than my mental thoughts. Then it became easy to stop. It was like a switch that flipped. I just didn't want to drink.

Try reading Jason Vale - Kick the Drink ... Easily. That really worked for me.

Or the thread in this sub-forum by posters who have problem-drinking relatives. It's so clear-eyed. At moments when you're really feeling triggered, read that thread.

Honestly, it's so nice on an evening out not having to worry about 'will there be enough', 'how can i get another drink'. Or put yourself out of temptation if you're feeling triggered.

There were plenty of times when I regretted having a drink, but I've never yet regretted NOT having a drink.

Best of luck!

You find so much more joy in things that you never would have before when your dopamine was so out of whack.

I can get up and go to the beach early in the morning and go for a swim and have a coffee and feel genuinely happy. I never would have done that or found it enjoyable when I was drinking. I never would have been up that early for a start, but if there wasn’t a bar open or it was too early to bring wine to drink, I would have been like what even is the point? When everything is planned around drinking, you can’t imagine how ordinary things could bring you pleasure. They do. It’s lovely.

Also, you can enjoy time with your partner that doesn’t involve alcohol. I was 1 month sober (I’m now 2 years and 5 months) when Dh and I had a weekend away booked. Only like the 3rd one in 12 years. I couldn’t get my head around the idea of going away, going out in the evenings, relaxing on holiday without drinking. But actually it was fantastic! We actually got to talk to each other. I did so many fun things because I wasn’t just sat in a pub or recovering from a hangover. It’s the first holiday ever where I actually didn’t want to come home. It was that relaxing.

Do get some support though. I found Bee Sober was great, but there are others. Thrive is another, I think.

The best thing is not devoting the headspace to it and waking up in the morning without the despair of recalling that I drank the night before when I didn’t mean to.

I couldn’t go 2 days without drink (one was a struggle to be honest) and now I will be celebrating 1500 days sober in a few days.

Oh and in relation to using drink to celebrate, relieve stress, boredom etc. The thoughts of using drink for those things just dwindles away the more time passes. You don’t associate alcohol with those things any more.

No hangovers
Lots more time to do things I enjoy because my weekends aren’t ruined by hangovers
Clarity of mind
Reduced anxiety and low moods
Increased energy levels
Better skin
Weight loss

I’m not teetotal but I’ve significantly reduced my intake because I just didn’t enjoy it any more. It’s been just over a year and it’s probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.