Is DH an alcoholic?

[YorkshireTeaDrinker2]

On holiday with DD (14) and DH. DH has drunk 24 bottles of larger over two nights. He and DD did a 9 mile fell walk yesterday, he cracked open a beer as soon as they got back.

He drinks very regularly in the evenings at home. But he generally spends the evening in his man cave, so I don’t see his consumption. I did manage to get him to the GP for the middle-aged man check, he had a stack of blood tests (apparently his liver function is normal) and they gave him a leaflet about stopping drinking. He is supposed to be on an 8 week plan to reduce his alcohol intake. It doesn’t appear to be working.

I don’t know what I can do to make /help him stop. I fluctuate between feeling sorry for him and being absolutely f**king furious. I also worry about the impact on my DD.

Yes, he has a drink problem and no, unfortunately, there is nothing you can do to make him stop.

Why does he spend every evening on his man cave? Do you never spend any time together?

You can't stop him, but you can decide how much of his behaviour you and your daughter are exposed to.

Lots of help for all ages on the NACOA website:

nacoa.org.uk/

Twelve bottles of lager a night is astonishing. And, I think, as it didn’t ruin him for the following day and managed a 9 mile walk it suggests he is used to that level of drinking so probably drinking a similar amount at home.

A holiday is probably a bad time to address the problem. Maybe he’s having a last binge. I’m sure you plan to have another conversation about it but maybe you should get some information from Al Anon or a similar agency before you broach the subject

He has always been into gaming, I am not, so he has his PlayStation and big telly up there. I am used to me and my DD doing stuff together whilst he is absent.

I wouldn’t have allowed my 14 year old to go on a 9 mile walk with him post drinking 12 bottles the night before.

Not a chance

Question was whether or not her DH is an alcoholic, not “should I have let my child go with my DH on a walk after having drunk 12 bottles of beer the night before.” Hope this helps.

The beauty of an online chat forum

He won’t change unless he wants to.

Just scrolled up to see your contribution….

zilch

Thank you for saying this. It is astonishing. I have lived with DH drinking so much for so long that I have lost sight of what is normal.

I have started discussing it with DH, he has acknowledged that he has a problem, but he clearly isn’t wanting to address it. I am absolutely furious that this is what he chooses when he is supposed to be spending time on holiday with his family. And then I try to be compassionate because he is dependent and I am not sure to what extent it’s a choice.

i feel such a mug for having put up with this for so long, but don’t know how to start not putting up with it. I don’t want to break our family up. But I am not sure that staying together and continuing the fiction that this is normal and life can be lived around this level of consumption is helping anyone.

I am in a situation where we and my 14 year old live with a man who regularly drinks at this level and we are all trying to live life around that without openly acknowledging that it’s devastating and wrong.

A walk is the least of my worries. At least there is no beer at the top of the bloody mountain!

So the 14 year old isn’t his child?

What’s his hangovers like?

Often, people who drink at that level don't get them. SIL's late husband never did, which was his downfall because he continued to drink. It killed him.

Yes I know

hence why I asked

Who’s buying the alcohol?

Hes also probably in the habit of having a can by his side to drink. Can you get done bottles of water, or other drinks, so he still has something to drink?

This is very sad and not much of a life for you and your daughter. I think I would rather be alone/a single parent.

He is buying the alcohol. He brought a couple of boxes of beer with him.

She is his child. He loves her, she loves him. I trust him when he isn’t drinking.

Doesn’t get them.

Well done for spotting that 👌 I felt “zilch” was better than neglecting OPs point in order to shame her tbh.

Yeah. The “beauty” of MN 🙄

Glad you agree

Odd

Ok, given the quantity he’s drinking op.., he’s a functioning alcoholic