I have an alcohol problem

[cbr333]

name change for this. I have 2 girls under the age of 8. I have a good job, great family, full life but I drink far too much and I can’t stop.

I drink half a bottle of wine basically every night and that is up to nearer a bottle at the weekend and maybe 2+ bottles if we have a big day/night with friends.

I function well throughout the week but I’m at like 75% of my full potential at work. I don’t miss any work because of alcohol, i don’t secretly drink, I can leave half a bottle (as in I don’t need to finish what’s in the house) weekends are full with activities for the girls but all my social activities with friends revolve around drinking and I want to stop that. A sunny day, a hard week at work, anything becomes an excuse to have wine.

you wouldn’t outwardly think there was anything wrong with me except to say I like a few glasses of wine so there is no pressure on me to stop but I feel like I must be damaging my body and I don’t want my daughters to normalise drinking wine so frequently.

i don’t know why I’m writing this sorry, or what I’m asking for, I just need to start somewhere.

I just wanted to say I really relate to what you wrote. I’m in a very similar place — drinking evenings, more on weekends, and while it doesn’t look like a big issue from the outside, it’s been on my mind a lot. It’s just become such a default part of things, and like you, I’m starting to question if it’s what I want long term. Your post really resonated — it’s nice to know I’m not the only one feeling this way.

I was exactly the same and tried to cut down for years and years. I went to gp for help and got referral to substance abuse place. Trouble was I wasn’t drinking enough for them to do anything other than tell me lots of things I already knew from reading quit lit. A couple of things finally tipped my mind and now I have managed to knock week day drinking on the head and only drink fri sat and some Sundays. I went to a talk by Allie Bailey who wrote a brilliant book called there is no wall about her drinking and her running. I realised what a big impact my drinking was having on my dd, but only once I stopped drinking in the week. I realised she relaxed and her behaviour and own mental health has improved even though she was not directly impacted at all (still well cared for and didn’t stop her doing anything etc).

I joined the one year no beer online Facebook group and there were a few people on there who I really didn’t think would quit drinking and they managed to. I found their real stories very inspiring.

Oh and I went to an event with my daughter-similar to comic con. As we left st the end of the day we passed some people who had clearly been drinking all day while there and I realised it just hadn’t occurred to me to drink as I hadn’t formed a habit of drinking three because I had never been before. And I realised I could try to do that for most of the situations that make me want a drink.

Well you certainly aren’t alone.

I’d give yourself a bit of to think about what exactly you’d like to change and the ways by which you might do it, and then start experimenting. It’s not one size fits all and it’s normal to have to try a few times a few different ways to get the result you want.

I feel comforted by your post, and if you username is your year of birth then we’re a similar age too! Thank you so much for writing to me.

I didn’t drink tonight because dh was out and actually he hasn’t touched a drop for about 5 weeks but my willpower around my friends - or in any social situation is zero. The girls have for sure seen me drunk at the weekends and whilst I’m not unconscious or anything I feel ashamed. Surely they’ll click when they’re older that I was hungover pretty regularly.

I also would say I drink probably 13 out of every 14 nights.

i would love to not drink Mon-Thur and to know when to stop at the weekends. Surely nothing good happens after a bottle or more of wine!

Two and a half years sober here . Do you have any questions ? Honestly the best decision of my life . You will never been the person you want to be with alcohol. It’s not easy but my god it’s worth it xx

Hey OP. There was a time I literally wouldn't go straight home from work if I knew there was no wine in. I'd go via whichever shop. How would you feel about drinking some alco free versions during the week? I found that the act of pouring something in to a nice glass, usually with ice, kind of hit the spot after a while. It's just a thought. Good luck 😊

Ps alco free wines are not good unless you like fizzy wine then freizenet and Aldi are great. Alco free gins are decent though

Thank you so much @happy20218, what a kind message and congratulations!

I do have questions:

How long did it take for the cravings / thoughts to go away?

did you try moderation? I really enjoy great wine and would like to be able to continue that, but with good food and not every night!

Did people tell you you were drinking too much before you stopped or was it self-awareness?

@ilovemyhamsterI only like bone dry white and very light rose. I have not got on well with low / no alcohol
wine as they’re too sweet for me. I don’t drink fizz but could deffo try the aldi version and the freixenet, thank you!

@cbr333 hi - I’m at day 100 today after drinking similar amounts to you and am so happy now. Cravings lasted badly for a week, then intermittent (especially weekends) for maybe a month. I do not think about drinking now.

What worked for me was committing to not drink only for the day- every morning. If I got a craving then I couldn’t act on it and any drink could only be pre planned.

I was so ready to quit drinking also.

I haven't had a drink for 13 months. Very similar to you but I was probably drinking a bottle of wine most evenings. I was sick of feeling rubbish and knew I was drinking too much. I planned to just have a break but now won't drink again.

I followed lots of sober curious/ alcohol free accounts on Instagram, listened to podcasts and read some books (the sober diaries by Clare pooley is very relatable).

Good luck

I could easily drink like you do, easily, I even like the same drinks! The reason I don’t? Partly calories, track the calories that you are drinking, it’s horribly eye opening and explains any weight gain.
Also, I find if I drink too many nights in a row, i stop enjoying it, it’s a habit rather than something to enjoy.
So, commit to not drinking Monday- Thursday. Replace with something else in a nice glass if needed.
Drink on a weekend but HONESTLY track the calories in a free app like My Fitness Pal. Also track anything you eat as a result of having had a drink. It’s always horrifying and definitely made me cut back a lot.
Those things worked for me, as did switching to spritzers. Rather than drinking 2-3 bottles of wine on a weekend, I now have 1. I’ve lost weight and saved quite a lot of money!

I would recommend two things: number one - cut down on socialising. If you can’t avoid alcohol while out with friends, minimise that kind of socialising for a while. Number two - join some kind of boot camp or running club that meets in the evenings or even early mornings. It’s a great motivation not to drink. Good luck 🤞

This is such brilliant advice, thank you!

I feel a little flicker of pride this morning for not having drunk last night so I am going to commit to not drinking tonight.

I will definitely track the calories - I am fairly slim but I could deffo do with losing 3 or 4 pounds and that weight is all around my tummy which I’m sure wine is massively contributing too!

I also really like the idea of switching to spritzers where possible. I’m a fast drinker so having something diluted would help to lessen the volume of actual alcohol.

if I can I don’t want to give up totally, I really love the taste of wine and I like the social aspect so if I can make some changes and control that then that would be amazing.

reading everyone’s stories is so comforting as I feel for the first time that I’m not alone and that I’m not an awful person.

@Holdonforsummerthank you - evenings are tricky as my husband is away a lot for work but I have started barre 2-3 times a week during the day and I take my youngest to gymnastics at 9am on a sat which deffo stops me from drinking too much on a Friday as I am dreadful at earlier mornings at the best is times!

I stopped drinking 2 years ago, Although I didn’t really drink in the week I overdid it at weekends and when socialising. I buy the bullet and just messaged the friends I go out with and told them I was stopping drinking. No one made a big deal at all and it hasn’t stopped the socialising. I really thought I needed a drink to have fun but turns out I don’t and it’s so nice not ever having a hangover. I read somewhere recently someone saying that they realised that not having a hangover is a better feeling than being drunk. That’s how I feel.

Honestly I think for most people who drink too much moderation isn't possible. It's an addictive substance we are designed to want more and more of.

I quit for 100 days last year because I wanted to be more present for my kids and to improve my health. I hate hangovers and get terrible hangxiety. I was also drinking most days.

Once I started again I drank just as much as I had before so I quit again and am coming up to 5 months sober. I feel so much happier and don't think about drinking at all anymore. I've done birthdays, xmas, new years, anniversary and even a holiday.

I'd recommend the unexpected joy of being sober and the recovery elevator podcast series.

Freixenet is really good. I tried nosecco but was too sweet for me. Good luck. Habitual drinking is a difficult one to crack. I'm a secret drinker. Reduced dramatically but still bad at times yet I went to the middle east on holiday and didn't drink for 2 weeks (too expensive mainly) no problem! I don't understand myself sometimes!

Hi Op.

I've been drinking 2 bottles of white wine every night, for about 17 years. I've only had small breaks, when absolutely necessary, like in 2023, when I had an Op (I stopped for 12 days). Before drinking I was a size 8/10. I am now a size 16 with a massive belly. I'm highly functioning, run my own business, up at 6.30am every morning etc, but I'm sick of being fat and hungover.

I decided recently, that enough was enough. I decided to do 100 days alcohol free. I have a holiday in November, and I want to be a size 10 for it. I also want to be around for any grandchildren that might come along (I'm 55).

I am now on day 8, and feel AMAZING. Psychologically for me, saying I'm doing 100 days, has taken alcohol off the table completely, rather than every day starting out the day saying I won't drink tonight, to having a change of heart at about 4pm (when I felt better), and pouring wine again at 6pm. There is no "will I, won't I", angel on one shoulder and devil on the other, going around and around in my head all day long, because it's just off the table.

I am also eating much healthier, as there's no hangover to "feed", and I've lost 3lb already. I was out with the dogs at 6.15am this morning, full of the joys of spring!

I know it's early days for me, but I honestly don't know what the fuck I was thinking drinking every night. It started when I went through a messy divorce, and I just never stopped. Makes no sense, as I am very happy now and married to someone else, it just because a roller coaster, stupid habit.

The next day I am allowed a drink is 1st August. My DH is doing this with me (he also drank too much, but not as much as me). I have a feeling that we will probably open wine that night, fell shiiiit the next day and stop again. Who knows. But I'm loving life right now.

Maybe doing 100 days would work for you? Or even 30?

Oh and just to add, we just drink water at night, then a sleepy tea (from Aldi). I wouldn't want to have a fake wine, why remind yourself??

Well done @Blondiebeachbabe- that’s amazing!

I have to say, even after one day off I’m typing this eating avocado and tomato on toast and that would for sure have been cheese on toast if I had drunk last night!

I am bad at committing to a length of time because I look in the diary and think oh I have x on and I’ll want to drink then. I don’t think my will power is up to 30 or 100 days just yet. Stupid really as I managed the whole of two pregnancies without drinking so I know I can do it!

Are you having any cravings or are the good points already eclipsing missing it?

OP I'm in the same boat as you although I don't actually have a drink Mon, Tues, Weds but then I will have 3-4 glasses of wine each night from Thurs - Sunday. DH is the same. We love it as a wind down from a busy day and there's nothing better than opening a nice bottle of Malbec over dinner or a cold glass of white wine sitting in the garden in the sunshine but you do find that you get into "bad habit" territory pretty quickly.

And I'm completely on the same page as you in terms of AF free drinks. I suppose it depends what you drink but I don't want an AF wine with loads of ice. I guess that works for G&T or prosecco drinkers... I want the hard taste of alcohol from a dry white wine or a good glass of red and no AF wine even tastes remotely like real wine so don't see the point!

I'm afraid I have no suggestions as I've been trying to cut back for a long time but I just wanted to say you're not alone and following for other ideas to cut back a bit.

❤

No cravings at all yet. I've taken photo's of my big belly, and that's justification enough to curb any thoughts of giving in. I don't want to be fat any more.

I know what you mean about events coming up. Tonight is DH's first night off, and it would be a big drinking night - "bigger" than usual, because instead of me drinking alone when he's at work, he would be drinking with me, so we would probably get through 5 bottles between us. But when is enough enough? Something has to change. Also, we have a meal out soon, but I will order coke or water. I never thought I would hear myself say that tbh. But I've been a twat on the booze for 17 years, so I have to do this! Mind you, that's a lunch, I think I would struggle if it was dinner.

The good stuff is outweighing the bad for sure. In fact, there is no "bad" right now. I feel fresh, energetic and not guilty : every day before, I felt guilt at what I had consumed the night before. Every morning the alarm would go off and I would swing my legs out of bed and sit hunched on the side of the bed feeling shite and sorry for myself - this morning I was up at 5.30am feeling like a spring chicken.

It's easy for me to say, just do it. But you will do it when you've had enough of something. For me, it's my weight. I need to be the old me again. We have started doing one hour walks. Oh, and here's another thing - I was SO achey before, like really, really bad, very creaky and in pain - after 8 days the pain is GONE!