Is once a week binge drinking ok?

[Namechanger385u4u]

Hi all

I've lost all perspective here. My DH goes out once a week coming home at 4am, what i would describe as "really quite drunk". He's then obviously hungover the next day.

He thinks this is ok but i'm concerned that at some point this will affect our 5 and 6 yos and i dont want to mess them up as adults.

Background - he used to drink much more heavily and do coke. Yes I know i'm an idiot for thinking having kids would change this (whom he actively wanted, he was ready 2 years before i was). He works in an industry that is very booze heavy (i used to also but i always had more control and dont really drink since DC).

I cant leave him, i also dont want to leave him. It feels like once a week might be ok(?), my dad hardly ever drank and my mum has never ever drank so im really unsure how much of this dc will be able to process/notice

Thanks for listening.

Once a week binge drinking (as in several drinks in a row) probably is ‘fine’ if he is home at a reasonable hour, engaged in family life the next day, and doesn’t drink other days of the week.

I say this as someone who is sober and doesn’t drink at all.

But drinking so much you don’t come home til 4am and check out of the next day really isn’t okay when you are a proper grown up. Fine if you are 25 with no partner, children, household responsibilities, sure. Not if it’s impacting other people though.

We aren’t talking about your normal.

OP isn’t happy, many people wouldn’t be happy with it. That doesn’t make it unusual or problematic in itself.

lots of people hate vaping, they wouldn’t want a partner to vape. Is vaping normal? Yes. Is it a great thing to do? No. That’s not the point though is it?

OP has said she won’t leave or indeed do anything about this. So reframing her view of this situation, and establish where her boundaries do lie, is the only route to success

Indeed

but you said going out once a week and getting drunk was “entirely normal”

you

“Vaping is normal”

again. It is “normal” for some. It is not “normal” for others.

There is no such thing as “normal”!

You’re not helping the OP or the thread at all. We get it, you don’t know many people who aren’t like you. That’s fine.

Ok, scrap normal for “commonly happens”

does that help?

And yes, we know you don’t know anyone who does this. The number of people out boozing in cities and towns throughout the country in the early hours shows that such people do exist however. And yes, we know you don’t see them because you are not out at that time. We know we know we know

You said that it’s “entirely normal”

that was one hell of a sweeping statement and warranted being picked up. As indeed it was done by others too

Ok we are not using the word normal if that helps you take the point. It was the OPs language but let’s say it COMMONLY HAPPENS. Will that shut you up because you’re making me feel suffocated right now

I will leave the discussion with you @AquaPeer as I suspect there’s been a history of unhealthy alcohol intake that has perhaps driven your view on what is “entirely normal” or indeed common

I think the main issue is you have very little diversity and don’t know many different types of people. And comments like “you obviously have an alcohol problem” show a shocking level of emotional immaturity. It’s not helpful for the OP or a serious forum.

I wouldn't accept this or consider it normal at all. I'm early 30's, majority of my friends are in relationships with children and I don't know anybody who goes out and gets drunk once a week.

DH used to be a big drinker/out every weekend in his uni years/early 20's, but rarely drinks at all now, he has a big night out once or twice a year.