Binge drinking

[SpinCoffeeRepeat]

Morning ladies, I don’t really know where to start. I’ve been drinking since I’ve been a teenager and I’m now 47 years old. I don’t drink during the week as I have a very responsible job which I love, and I work in the community also. But on a Friday and a Saturday, sometimes a Sunday - I will binge drink. Sometimes I can moderate and only have two glasses of wine, But it’s more likely that it’s two bottles of Prosecco, or a bottle of Prosecco and a couple of gins. It doesn’t stop me from getting up in the morning and going to do dog walking or exercising at my local gym but it definitely affects my mental health and gives me sleepless nights. I’ve had periods of abstinence before but just recently I’ve gone back to drinking at the weekend. My husband doesn’t drink and he would prefer it if I didn’t drink at all - it does cause arguments between us. I’m not saying that I’m an angry or abusive drunk, but I’m definitely more flippant and there are nights that I’ve blacked out and not remembered anything, and spoken nonsense which I’m absolutely mortified by.

I’ve not gone into work today because I drank a bottle of fizz yesterday to myselfand then shared another bottle with my sister-in-law at dinner. I woke up at 2:30 this morning with anxiety, and just couldn’t face the world - it’s been a very stressful weekend because I got blind drunk on Saturday night as well, and my husband was really angry at me because I was drunk and I was changing the music and behaving like a bit of a dick.

I’ve rang my GP and they’ve got me an appointment to meet a doctor this afternoon where I’m going to be completely honest with them and get some support and professional help.

I can just see where my life is going if I continue drinking, and it doesn’t look good. I’m not sure what else I can do and I wouldn’t know what advise the GP will give me and whether he can give me any medication that can help with alcohol cravings, which I do get on a Friday and a Saturday although bizarrely I don’t have on a Monday Tuesday Wednesday, or Thursday!

I am pretty low because our two children are both at university and I miss them desperately, my husband works all the time and the house is empty, so I do feel like I’m an empty nester but I do keep myself busy, probably too busy if I’m honest. I think the alcohol is just something I’ve always done at the weekend…..

I just wondered how you had all coped and does this sound like something you have maybe gone through and come out the other side from? I would be so grateful for any advice. Many thanks.

1st of all, well done for reaching out & being open. The next day anxiety is the absolute worst & you'll be feeling pretty vulnerable.
The docs will likely ask you to refer yourself to a support group (most are self referrals these days) and may do some bloods to check liver function etc.

What worked for me was to educate myself. I delved into quit lit & joined sober groups online.
Personal fave is William Porters Alcohol Explained. Fantastic, straight talking, factual read!
Claire Pooleys - the unexpected joy of being sober, also another fab read.

Will power doesn't work, we only have so much. Changing your mindset is the way to do it.

Most people with alcohol problems are not actually what we stereotypically think of when we use use term 'alcoholic' . It's out dated & so damaging! You aren't ill, you don't have a disease & you don't have to fight every day for the rest of your life to not drink! You've been brainwashed as we all have to believe we need Alcohol to cope, to relax, to grieve, to celebrate, to calm.
You've just got to reducate yourself on the truth about alcohol. It is a poison (fact).

It was impossible to imagine at the beginning but being sober is THE BEST thing I have ever done!

Be kind to yourself today, rest, apologise if you need to & hydrate.
Sending love ❤️

@SpinCoffeeRepeat I too am/was a binge drinker and it really started to affect my life and relationships.

I listen to the Sober Powered podcasts which are amazing for explaining how alcohol affects yours body - brain, liver, gut, heart etc. Something which was a lightbulb moment for me was this - I tended to go on binges when I was happy and excited about something - usually a weekend away or a social event where there would be drinking.

One of the podcasts explained that for heavy/binge drinkers, alcohol changes our dopamine pathways, dopamine being one of the feel-good chemicals in our bodies.

When you abuse alcohol/drink to excess, you start to develop cues prior to the drinking itself - so for example, the excitement of the upcoming night out, the Friday feeling etc. These cues then produce a rush of dopamine which in turn triggers the brain to want alcohol (because our drinking has trained it to do that).

I’m not sure if I’m explaining this well but it could explain why you don’t have cravings during the week when you know you’re not going to drink. It’s the anticipation of drinking that starts the cravings!

The more I’m finding out about how alcohol affects all the body systems, the easier I’m finding it not to drink.

good luck - you can do this and a better life awaits! 💐❤️👍

Wow. I did not know that cunning fungus… that’s insane, isn’t it? It does start with that one little thought on a Friday morning….. hmm glass of wine tonight…. At one point I was allowing myself to pretend it would be fine to have that one glass of wine at night and let myself think that because the mental gymnastics that follow the decision not to drink are mental. Then cue 6 o’clock and I would just open an alcohol free beer. Maybe I’ll try that again.

Thanks for sharing. 🌸😊

Thanks Manchester mummy.

i really enjoyed the Sobered Powered podcast, it is literally a poison thatI’m chugging through.

I’ve been to an AA meeting this afternoon and feeling like this is the spiritual awakening I desperately need. I took today off work and I’m just thinking about whether I should take tomorrow to fully rest up before I go back, there is another AA meeting tomorrow that I’ve been recommended to go to because they’ll get me started with a sponsor. But then I have the guilt of not going to work and I have to lie… And my brain isn’t working very properly at the moment as it is so… 🤔 But on the upside, I haven’t had a drink today.💛

Thanks so much for posting xx

Apologies Manchestermummax3 - I got your name wrong there.

yes I do feel very vulnerable, but I think I bad to break down in order to make the change, if I’d gone to work I’d have just continued the cycle….. and possibly made a knob of myself at work by being disheveled and 🤢

thank you for 👏 too 💖

btw Gp appt went very well. Counselling and blood tests being organised and an adhd assessment appointment booked in. Gp says with my visit to an AA meeting this afternoon he thinks I’m on the right track 💛💛

Hi Op, well done for taking the first step to sobriety by going to AA today and if I was you, I’d try to go tomorrow as well.
I know you’ll feel bad about lying to work but needs must and it is true that you don’t feel your best…
Ive been sober for 30 years and AA literally saved my life, I ran my own business and binge drank, to relax etc. but once the anxiety starts and the blackouts, it’s a downward spiral if you don’t do something now.
I could have lost everything, until one Sunday evening when I had a moment of clarity and went to AA…
After being sober for a number of months I realised what a close call I had.
I wouldn’t have one drink now, not if I was offered millions to do it, because I know within a few weeks I’d be on the downward spiral again..
Very best of luck Op, you’re in safe hands with AA.

Well done! You’ve made a huge step today. A couple things I’d say from my own experience (I was a heavy daily drinker and am coming up to 2 years sober now):

Take time off work. I took 2 weeks initially and treated it like I was recovering from the flu. You are recovering from being ill. In the end, I came to accept that one of the issues was burnout and I ended up taking 3 months off. I’m very grateful for that time. Don’t panic and think that will be you, but seriously, if you can, take the week off and take care of yourself.

It’s fantastic you’ve gone to AA. You’ve been incredibly brave. Going to a meeting for the first time is really big and overwhelming. By all means, keep going to AA because it feels like it clicks for you. If it doesn’t, there are other options. I often recommend Bee Sober as it’s nearly all women and then have online meetings as well as in person activities, which aren’t ‘meetings’ but are brunches and hikes and wild swims. There’s even a day river tubing in May! It’s just a nice way to meet other sober women.

What helped me was keeping busy at the times I’d start drinking. I listened to a sobriety podcast and cooked dinner every night while drinking an AF beer. 5pm was literally AF beer o’clock and I had my nice non-alcoholic drink every night for probably the first 12-18 months. On the weekends, I’d book myself to go do something - a sound bath, a yoga class, I’d take my daughter to the cinema, stuff I had to drive to and couldn’t drink. There is a whole world out there of people who do all sorts of fun stuff that doesn’t involve drinking two bottles of wine on a Saturday and I truly had no idea!

Lastly, it’s actually wonderful that your dh doesn’t drink. That’s such an asset to you. Because one of you already knows how to navigate life without alcohol and now you kinda just need to follow suit too. My Dh drank quite a lot, not as much as me, but our whole family are heavy drinkers (dh’s dad died from alcoholism). It was actually really annoying when I quit that he still wanted to do everything around having a drink, stopping at the pub, etc. But actually he barely drinks now. My BIL mostly stopped. And my MIL is coming up to a year sober herself. The fact you already have a key person in your life who doesn’t drink is fantastic. I hope he can be a support to you.

Mostly, just job well done. You’ve done some amazing stuff today and are well on your way to a new life.

Thanks AllrightNowBaby 😊 I can’t actually believe I did that today. I hate group chats and it was only when I walked in then day down did I think WTF am I doing 😳 But everyone was so normal and although I felt full of fear (hangover fear) I am so bloody relieved I went now. I’ve told my hub and my kids (both at uni) and they’re my biggest supporters, it’s been an emotional day, and I’ve had to get to this point where I enough is enough - it feels demoralising and I feel broken, but I’m hoping this last piece in the jigsaw will be the game changer. Otherwise I’ll drink myself to oblivion, and end up losing everything…. Tomorrow I’m talk and am questions. Today I was frozen, and nervous.

I’m going to tell work that I’ve got a uti which caused the nausea and high temperature and that the abx are kicking in so I should be good for Wednesday…. And go to this book study class. The funny thing is - I’ve just done a dip test and my kidney result is very high, that plus a bit of pain…. I think I just might have a a bloody uti 😂 I’m definitely in flow with the universe 🤔 I was thinking whether I confide in HR but it’s early days and I need my confidence back.

Well done to you, that’s an amazing time sober 🙌🌸💖

Glad to see the update & some wonderful advice too.
I definitely agree that taking some time off will be good for you, however long you decide.
I hope you're feeling a bit better this evening & do keep reaching out. Plus, it's a great supportive bunch here!

Just an update. I have been to two face to face AA meetings and three online AA meetings. At the last online ‘meeting I introduced myself and shared a little. What an incredible bunch of people. I am so bloody lucky to have opened this door. I can’t tell you what the connection and the members are doing for me, other than giving me my life back. I’ve not dream since last Sunday and don’t intend to drink again today - one day at a time 🙌💛

How are you getting on @SpinCoffeeRepeat

That's amazing. I'm so glad you've found a community. Wishing you all the best on this journey.

@Kindtomyself Not 100% sober, I had a large glass of rose with lots of ice Saturday evening and a large glass of white with lots of ice this afternoon.

Compared to my previous drinking this one drink only leads to the bottle / however I put other things in place to have immediately after my drink and told my husband for accountability I was only having one which he said, if it’s only one then great which I agreed with. It’s not an easy path, but I’m still reading the big book, praying daily and lastly, I’m going to book myself in for counselling as I believe this is where the change is going to happen lingterm 🙏🏼

my intention is to stay 100% sober so I have failed after 12 days. But I go again. I am not using excuses but I have had the week from hell with lots on my plate in all aspects of my life and I’m going to keep attending the meetings this weekend and also at the weekend as I feel this is my danger zone.

🌸💖

I'm so pleased to read that you've gone to AA.

In my experience (12 yes sober) you don't need counselling.

You need a sponsor and to work through the Big Book and the Twelve Steps.

Seeing an external counsellor who doesn't have personal experience of AA might end up getting quite confusing and that's the last thing you need right now.

@SpinCoffeeRepeat you are making great changes in your life and I applaud you for that. I am 29 days sober today and feel so much better. AA has helped me so much as well as Mumsnet. Keep going

I’m going to go to my local AA meeting and as I live in a small village it may be very interesting to see who is there 😥 and I’m hoping to find a sponsor or at least a few like minded locals there. I’ve been to two meetings in the local town, but not been back since as I went during the day when I was off work. I’m now back working every day and back at the gym etc. however, Thursday nights are free for me and coincidentally it’s my local villages aa meeting night 😬

I’m thinking about asking for campral from my gp also to help with the weekend cravings as I’ve caught myself thinking that I can have one large glass of wine on a weekend night if i tell my husband of my plan for accountability. He’s agreeable that one is fine but the bottle is not as it doesn’t usually end there. But this is not the AA sober way!!!

I’m reading the big book, believing in my higher power and trying to beeline that I’m on the right path now more than ever before ❤️‍🩹

Am rooting for you @SpinCoffeeRepeat i think I should be doing the same but can’t face it.

Good luck! Let us know how your meeting goes on Thursday. I have a close family member who celebrated six years of sobriety last month. They did the programme and found a sponsor and some wonderful people in AA who have been a great support to them. I’ve seen first hand how much someone can change.

I go to an online meeting every day if I can’t get to a face to face, to keep me focused. There’s lots available. I also just concentrate on one day at a time.

I didn’t get there this evening. I’ve been feeling under the weather this last week, very tired and frazzled from busy days at work. I have had stuff on every night after work and this evening was the first evening I’ve had where I could come home and not have to do anything. Lazy I know but I’ve downloaded the AA app and I’m reading the Living Sober section which is hitting home with me ❤️‍🩹 I’ll get to a few online meetings this weekend instead and aim for my local mttg again next Thursday.

the last face to face meeting I went to was pretty inspiring and I met a wonderful woman there, and the chair was so warm and gave me a hug, there was a lot of affection and line in that room. If you can get to a meeting I promise you you’ll not regret it 💛

morning all.

yesterday I overdid it, I also overdid it the day before. I did abstain on Friday night, so that’s a good thing, however I really haven’t got a handle on it. So I joined an AA online meeting last night which was really good, and I’ve decided I am going to go to my one in the local village and get myself a sponsor. I can truly understand what’s going to happen if I don’t stop drinking. I’m also going to ring my GP and ask for some campral, and start counselling.

I keep thinking that I can just have a glass of wine with loads of ice and on occasion I can, but it’s those occasions where I just can’t that are the problem, and I’ve had two of them this weekend. The reason I want to stop and get a handle on it so I can enjoy my life and feel rough and hung over and scared to go out and do things and see family. Life is absolutely brilliant when alcohol isn’t involved for some reason I’ve been using alcohol to celebrate when in reality it’s totally fucked up my next day.

Thankfully, I slept really well and I don’t feel too bad this morning, other than being pissed offf with myself.

xxx

As you like Prosecco and iced wine, why not try some of the alcohol free versions. I've never found a decent af red wine but the whites, pink and fizz are perfectly acceptable.

It’s positive that you’re self aware enough to know drinking is no longer working for you. Understanding you can’t manage it yourself is the first step to getting the help you need. Finding peer support will hopefully be really helpful for you. Best of luck OP. I hope you can get a handle on it and start to see the benefits.

Thanks ☺️ my heads all over the place tbh. One day I’m all over it, thinking AA is the way, the next day I’m giving in thinking “just the one” Then three weeks later history repeats itself and it’s another ‘look in the mirror’ full of guilt, shame and embarrassment at repeating a cycle that I thought I could control. it’s driving me insane.