First time I’ve asked for help.

[Whatthefork20]

Hi all,

my marriage ended a few years ago, and to cope I turned to drinking a few beers a night to help me through.

Fast forward to 2 years later and I physically cannot go a night without a bottle of wine or 4-5 beers.

It’s completely taken over my life and I don’t know where to turn. I looked at contacting addiction services in my area but the problem I have is I have a job that is very closely linked to the addiction services in my area so it would end up getting back to my work.

I guess I'm just looking for a bit of support to get through the next few days.

Thanks

AA is anonymous, not affiliated to statutory organisations, and the support I've received has been great.
I was really nervous about seeing anyone whose family member I care for, at work. But, confidentiality is a huge part of the ethos.
I listened to people's stories, especially women's, I realised I'm not the worst person, ever. In the women's group, there are teachers, but mostly nurses. I also go to a much bigger one. Again, carers, nurses, charity workers, teachers.
They take place at the time of night you'd otherwise be drinking, so are a useful distraction.
And they're friendly. People that have been sober, a while, seem happy and at peace. There's empathy, but also laughter. There's an affinity between people of all backgrounds, because everyone has that one thing in common. The experience of hitting rock bottom.

Sometimes, I go to church. I'm a lifelong atheist, but I just like being amongst 'nice people' sometimes.

I've just had a lapse. I've got the Drinkaware app. It's a bit rubbish seeing my 12 weeks dry, back to 2 days, but I'd say employ as many systems as you need.

Good luck.

The addiction service should be confidential so, if it got back to your workplace, someone has broken confidentiality.

AA have online sessions..? Not local, as such, which might feel safer?

Hope it goes well

I've just Googled Kudzu. Do I need root, flower, extract, or something else?

Thank you.
Any suggestions/links?

Avoid kudzu if you've had a hormone-related cancer. And indeed, avoid anything that claims to 'do the work for you' - giving up alcohol is a process and involves a fundamental (and positive!) change to how you think. There are medicines that can help, but you'd need to see a doctor for those.

I totally understand how easily this can happen - alcohol is addictive which is why many people are addicted! I'm so glad you're seeing that you need help and are taking the first steps towards that. 🤗

Have you thought of online support, like Smart Recovery? A lot or people find it a good, secular, scientific alternative to AA. And look for anonymous online forums. There are a lot of resources out there.

Good luck!

@Whatthefork20 I found the sassy sober mum podcasts really helpful. I tried a lot of different podcasts/audiobooks which I didn't find overly helpful, but the sassy sober mum podcasts are really relatable. Each one is a different person telling their story and they're people just like us. It didn't make me feel so abnormal to have such a bad relationship with alcohol and it also made me feel like if they can do it so can I.

I often listen to one on my drive to work. I'd suggest you put a few on today.

Depending on where you live https://drinkcoach.org.uk might be able to offer free online coaching

Good on you for seeking the help you need.
You will find loads of support at AA.
I'm no expert on Kudzu but Gillian mckeith is not a doctor- definitely check with a doctor before you start this- It seems it can be harmful to your liver, amongst other side effects you could do without.
Gp can advise you if you need withdrawl medication too- do speak to them if you can. Say you don't want to be referred to addictions because of your work.
Good luck.. one day at a time.

I would second a support group like AA or Smart Recovery. Hearing from like minded people and their experiences has helped me no end, and I’m 4 months sober now. Quit lit and podcasts have also played a big part. I love the They Think It’s All Sober podcast and books like Glorious Rock Bottom.

More than anything, it’s important to realise you likely can’t do it all by yourself. You need support and you deserve support from people who understand the magic, medicine, and misery of alcohol. They can help you build a toolbox to help you with the day to day, especially when the urge creeps up on you. Good luck x

Thank you for all your responses and ideas.

I do have a very good support network but just haven’t had the strength to tell anyone however friends and family have noticed. I was also seeing someone for a while and they also commented on my level of drinking but managed to hide it most of the time.

I have a child and I think what drives it is loneliness, once’s the little one is in bed it’s just me. No one to talk to and I find the nights(especially the winter nights) long and dark and just incredibly sad. And because of that it’s just taken hold.

I would like to try AA but my local ones are all at night and I have no childcare. I have been hitting the gym when possible which has given me a better mindset but just can’t seem to shake this feeling of needing a drink.

I never get drunk, I’m probably only ever merry and I never have more than a bottle of wine or 4-5 beers. I can sometimes go a night or two without but it’s all I think about.

In my area, there are both day and night meetings, plus weekend. There are also daily Zoom meetings. Some people go to a different one every day of the week? Could you go a bit further afield, for groups that work for you?

Are you able to try dry January or something like the next challenge coming up which starts 20th March. (until June)

I think AA is very in, personally I couldn’t see the point once I’d proved to myself I could do it 31 days without, as I waited to see a nurse at recent review and one of the first questions were what is your drinking like? I was honest but didn’t find them that overly bothered (they couldn’t tell by bloods either) so you have to find your own support.

I’m so very lucky and trying to keep hold of the positivity of getting potentially rid of one condition that I’ve seen others have ugly complications off to keep me at bay.

I did dry Jan and found it quite eye opening. It’s just one day at a time, though, that’s all you can do. No wine or beer in the house, get a good book or lovely wool to knit or a new series to watch, or whatever you enjoy doing, and once bubs is in bed let yourself get totally absorbed in whatever it is. Then go to bed early! Good luck. You can do this.

I’be totally let myself down tonight.

Said all day this is the day I stop. Well I went to the shop to get bread and milk and that’s it, beers in the basket as well.

So I feel tonight an absolute loser that I couldn’t even go one day.

Why has it taken such a hold of me?

It does that. It creeps up on you.
Don't beat yourself up about it.

The AA hammer home the point that, of you don't have the first one, you won't have the next one. But, when I forgot that, and bought a couple of the cute little miniatures from next to the till, I did, indeed, then go back for more.

Would 'allowing' yourself to drink, say, just at the weekend, so it's something to look forward to, as a reward for not drinking all week, help, do you think?
Or, do you want to give up completely?

Also, keep commenting, here, and I'll keep an eye on the thread.

I am hopeful that I could get back to a routine of enjoying a drink on a Friday or a Saturday.

That’s what I used to do, I wouldn’t even look at a drink Sunday to Thursday.

I just worry it’s taken hold that I’ll have none all week, drink on the Saturday and then come Sunday I’m craving it again.

Only thing that works for me is not having it in. And it helps having an alternative- alcohol free beer, or CBD drinks, or a really nice cordial, or hot chocolate or whatever you like.

How's it going, OP?

Not very good. I’ve had a drink every single night this week.

Something happened this week that sent me into a bit of a downward spiral and what do I do…reach for a bottle.

Not sure how to get myself out of this mess.