I'm tired, frightened and I need to stop

[TiredOfWine]

I hope it's okay to make this thread as a kind of diary to keep me accountable, and to hopefully get some support from people who are or have been in a similar situation. I've been trying to quit drinking for years now and need all the help I can get.

I drink two bottles of prosecco and white wine every evening, sometimes a couple of glasses out of a third bottle. I have a very occasional night or two off, if I've to go to the office the next morning, but mostly I work from home and can find an excuse to drink. My tolerance is so high that I don't get hangovers, except when I drink again after a day off.

I'm fat, in pain, tired and despairing. Every morning I swear off the drink but around afternoon time I'm making excuses to have just one more evening of it... I detest myself for being so weak and pathetic and self indulgent!

So I hope to keep this thread where I can ramble on to myself and also hear any words of support and advice, as I've no-one to talk to about this in real life.

Gosh that was long! Thanks if you read this far. Here goes day one!

Best of luck!
Have a clear out, if there is none in the house, you can not drink it.

You can do this, I've done it and it gets easier, you'll be so glad you did.

Maybe look at joining this thread too.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/5051277-new-april-continuing-thread-for-living-an-alcohol-free-life-all-welcome?page=8

One suggestion - do you think it would help to stop WFH for a while and go into the office? I did find when I was WFH during covid (we did week in/week wfh for a year) that it's easy for wine o clock to start creeping earlier. If you're in the office it's fewer hours each day that you're relying on willpower.

I totally sympathise with your post. I was a bottle of wine a night drinker (as a very minimum, much more Fri-sun). I spent so much time thinking about drinking, regretting drinking, feeling rubbish, bargaining with myself about when/how much to drink etc, round and round in a loop. After an even heavier than usual Christmas I felt horrendous and my anxiety was through the roof. I downloaded the Trydry app and completed dry January, the longest alcohol free since I had my,now teenage, children. (I felt shocking for the first few weeks)

I’m now 4 months alcohol free and no one is more surprised than I am that I’ve achieved it! I feel so much better, look so much better, I’ve lost weight, my sleeps improved, all my other health symptoms have miraculously improved!

What worked for me was for the first few weeks I just went to bed early to avoid drinking triggers, LOADS of quit lit, as many podcasts and audio books as I can listen to, using the trydry app religiously, ticking my teacup off daily, using a wine glass for soft drinks at the weekends so it felt different to the ‘norm’, and working on resetting my mindset that I can’t moderate and only drink on weekends/set days. I’d tried doing that for years with no success. It is really, really tough but also so worth it in every way.

You can do this and admitting you want to is a huge step.

I used to drink every night, it’s a habit that was hard to break, but I broke it. The pp’s idea about making yourself go into the office more regularly is a good idea.

Wow I didn't expect so many responses, thank you all! I was wavering and toying with the idea of getting some wine for this evening and this has really helped. It's so good to hear from others who've done it too.

It's good to hear what worked for others. I will download that app and yes, probably going back into the office would be a good idea (it's an hour's drive away so definitely wouldn't be drinking before an early morning start).

I'll write my progress on this thread, I don't expect anyone to read it 😴but it helps to get it out of my head. Ye are all great 😊

Bless you OP well done for making the first step.
How long have you been drinking like this for? Have you had a liver function test recently?

You could try AA for really great support

How are you doing @TiredOfWine ?
I am in a similar position and need to quit too.
Podcasts, quit lit, drink lots of water, read, early nights, all help me. It's the moderation trap that gets me.

As pp have suggested, I’d go to an AA meeting.

Another vote for AA here - think of it as a larger version of accountability on Mumsnet. This is tough but well done you, you've taken the first step. Good luck

How did last night go op?

I've had many many day 1s and trying my hardest to stick to it.

What support do you have around you? What's your home life like?

My crunch point came when my DH asked why I had drunk so much. I was a mess and just said I don't know - I can't keep doing this. Saying it out loud to someone you trust can help you stay accountable.

A bottle of wine every night Monday-Thursday. Then Friday probably two bottles. Saturday spirits. Sunday drink all day. Go to work Monday feeling like shit. That was my routine.

What's helped me is quit lit, tracking apps and creating new rituals.

Do something to distract yourself at wine o'clock instead of opening the bottle until it passes. I've never been so on top of my washing and ironing.

The first few days are hell. The first weekend is shit. But when you start create new habits and see the benefits it can spur you on.

I'm by far an expert. I will most likely have a few more day 1s. But I haven't and won't fail because I'll keep trying.

You sound just like me.

I'm afraid that I think you will either start driving with a hangover / still over the limit or will just sack off the office days as the wine will win eventually.

You need to do all the practical stuff suggested but you also need to do something to look at why you drink. What is about how you react to the world that means you literally can't stop - even when you want to.

I used AA, some people swear by SMART recovery groups or you could also try 'normal' therapy.

But either way, alcohol is a very powerful substance so you need to employ some heavy duty tactics to defeat it long term.

Hi op, solidarity here and no judgement.

However, no one else here has said it so here goes - you drink at dangerously high levels. I am 4 months sober and I’ve had problems with alcohol for years. I had a rock bottom moment earlier this year. What keeps me sober is reading about people in their 50’s dying of chirrosis of the liver. It comes on quietly but some people go downhill with it fast and never recover.

you can do this. At the amount you are drinking you should see a Dr to ask about a tapered withdrawal, it could be dangerous to stop suddenly altogether.

Might also be useful to reframe your mind so that you fully understand and accept that alcohol is a drug, in the same way that cigarettes and hard drugs are addictive, so is alcohol. It’s no different to other drugs, just more socially acceptable. You want to stop because you know it is now controlling you, and not the other way round. Once we remove the last vestiges of glamour/social acceptability from it, we can deal with it with a clear head (no pun intended) and hopefully walk away from it

Just come across your thread OP. I hope you’re doing ok and are just busy but I know there is also the possibility that you drank last night and now you feel too embarrassed to come back to the thread. Just wanted to say if that’s the case- please don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. Posters here are not going to judge you or think badly of you (anyone who does will get short shrift, I’m sure).

So many of us have been where you are. Addiction is hard. But it’s not impossible- millions of people overcome addictions and you can be one of them. I smoked for decades and tried every way of stopping. I just kept going back to it. For a while, I looked around at all my friends and acquaintances who had managed to stop and I saw it as a reflection on me as being a shit person- like I was weak and lazy and that’s why I couldn’t do it.

But I wasn’t and am not a shit person- it just took me longer to get there than almost everyone I know- but get there I did!

Do let us know how things are going. 💐