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Original poster

Nothing works!

99 replies

Winegirl · 29/04/2024 23:18

I've name changed for this as I'm not sure if it's appropriate, or maybe people will think I'm ridiculous.

I drink around 80 units of wine a week. Have done for a long time, I'm middle aged. I so wish I could stop and I have spent years reading everything there is to know about effects, how to moderate, going sober, there's probably not much I couldn't tell you about all the negatives of alcohol.

But nothing works. I think this is partly to do with the fact that I haven't suffered any negative effects from alcohol so far, other than weight gain, I'm also in peri. Another reason, I think, is that I have family members who are much older than me who have drank in the same way and they have not suffered any serious ill effects and I tell myself I'll be fine.

I'm a very black and white thinker and deal in facts, not averages, and have a it won't happen to me mentality, even although I think about it every single day.

So what I'm asking is, does anyone have real life stories of drinking between a bottle and a bottle and a half of wine every night, and how it ended up in the end health wise? I think this may help, due to what I've said above, and also the niggling voice in my head that tells me it's only wine, it's the spirits that do the real damage.

Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
Winegirl · 01/05/2024 22:46

Drebara · 01/05/2024 22:13

My friend drank like you, just wine. Laughed it off when the doctor told her she had a slightly 'fatty liver'. But couldn't really go without her wine each day. If her partner mentioned it, she was offended because she said she 'wasn't an alcoholic'. She started to get bruises from just slightly bumping into things, and her belly got a bit distended, then her pee turned a nasty dark brown. Doctor said liver failure. She managed to stop drinking for a couple of years via AA but then suddenly just started again. Had what she thought was a breakdown where she was talking gibberish, but was actually where her liver could no longer process toxins out of her blood so it made her delirious. Then she started coughing up blood from esophagal varices and was admitted to hospital. She needed a liver transplant immediately but there wasn't one, and she died horribly two weeks later, leaving a 15 year old child.

Hopefully that might put you off. It was awful and she was a lovely woman. Alcohol is so, so dangerous.

Gosh, that is awful! I'm so sorry you lost your friend, and what a frightening time that must have been for her. Flowers Thank you for sharing.

I know it can't be nice for people to share their real life experiences of this like I asked, but I just want to say, they really are helping me see a reality. I have decided not to have wine tonight and I am in bed writing this so I just want to say it really is appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winegirl · 01/05/2024 22:52

Feckinlego · 01/05/2024 22:17

My friend passed away last week. Breast cancer. Age 53. No family history. She was told it was her excessive alcohol intake that was to blame. She drank wine 3 or 4 nights a week.

That is so sad. 3 or 4 nights a week in comparison to my (usually) 7! That really is thought provoking! Thank you for sharing. I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

OP posts:
DownWithThisKindOfThing · 01/05/2024 23:55

Me, I’m 50 and coming up for 3 years sober. I had an episode of gout which was horrific. I also used to be very easily covered in black bruises. Since I quit I’ve had no more gout and no more bruising. I now know the latter was probably bad news re the liver. I feel very lucky to have got away with it. I talked about the stats myself for years to keep going and that I had family members who drank like fish and lived till their 90s but there’s no way of knowing if you’re goi g to be one of the lucky ones who gets away with the abuse to your body.

One thing I was very worried about was my heart as once the protective effect of oestrogen on the heart diminishes alcohol can be very damaging.

life is most definitely better without it. In the end I just got tired of my own bullshit and knew I had to make the decision before it was taken out of my hands due to health issues.

mindutopia · 02/05/2024 15:47

DownWithThisKindOfThing · 01/05/2024 23:55

Me, I’m 50 and coming up for 3 years sober. I had an episode of gout which was horrific. I also used to be very easily covered in black bruises. Since I quit I’ve had no more gout and no more bruising. I now know the latter was probably bad news re the liver. I feel very lucky to have got away with it. I talked about the stats myself for years to keep going and that I had family members who drank like fish and lived till their 90s but there’s no way of knowing if you’re goi g to be one of the lucky ones who gets away with the abuse to your body.

One thing I was very worried about was my heart as once the protective effect of oestrogen on the heart diminishes alcohol can be very damaging.

life is most definitely better without it. In the end I just got tired of my own bullshit and knew I had to make the decision before it was taken out of my hands due to health issues.

It's interesting that you mention bruising. I didn't bruise as much as I bled. I think it must have been a nutrient deficiency (I remember someone once mentioning possibly folate? I was folate deficient back when I was drinking). My blood literally wouldn't clot. If I cut myself doing something minor, it would bleed and bleed and bleed. It became almost a joke in the family because I was always bleeding all over furniture and leaving a bloody trail in my wake from really minor injuries that I didn't even realise I did. Scratching my leg because I had a mozzie bite would lead to literally 20-30 minutes of bleeding. Certainly I was aware that it was the drinking causing this. Well, I assumed it was. But I hadn't thought of it in a long time until just now. It stopped shortly after my drinking did and I've not had any issues since.

Original poster
Winegirl · 02/05/2024 16:24

DownWithThisKindOfThing · 01/05/2024 23:55

Me, I’m 50 and coming up for 3 years sober. I had an episode of gout which was horrific. I also used to be very easily covered in black bruises. Since I quit I’ve had no more gout and no more bruising. I now know the latter was probably bad news re the liver. I feel very lucky to have got away with it. I talked about the stats myself for years to keep going and that I had family members who drank like fish and lived till their 90s but there’s no way of knowing if you’re goi g to be one of the lucky ones who gets away with the abuse to your body.

One thing I was very worried about was my heart as once the protective effect of oestrogen on the heart diminishes alcohol can be very damaging.

life is most definitely better without it. In the end I just got tired of my own bullshit and knew I had to make the decision before it was taken out of my hands due to health issues.

Thank you for sharing. I didn't know about the protective effects of oestrogen on the heart. I'll have a look at that.

Well done on 3 years sobriety! Great achievement!

OP posts:
Seaside1234 · 02/05/2024 16:51

Also have a friend with breast cancer in early 50s who I can't see any other risk factors other than alcohol. I've almost completely stopped drinking, initially for my children (I realised it made me an unacceptably poor parent) and then for myself after I started to see the changes. I can look myself in the eye again.

Immersing yourself in quit lit is an effective tool. Highly, HIGHLY recommend The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley is also very good. I use the Dry January app to count dry days. Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin and Atomic Habits by James Clear are terrific books about habit change.

But in the end you just have to stop. It will feel crap until your dopamine levels and receptors start to normalise. You can do it. We're all here cheering you on.

CardinalCat · 02/05/2024 16:55

I have a family member who has very similar drinking patterns to yours. She started the Sinclair Method last summer and now barely touches a drop. She had one glass of fizz at Christmas so that was enough for her.
She had to go privately for it as her GP didn't quite understand the prescribing methodology.

www.sinclairmethoduk.com/what-is-the-sinclair-method/

Original poster
Winegirl · 02/05/2024 18:57

Fatcish · 02/05/2024 16:38

Hi OP. My recommendation is to watch this film.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episodes/b00793zq/rain-in-my-heart

Heartbreaking. Shocking. And so young. Good luck to you.

Thank you, I'll have a look.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winegirl · 02/05/2024 18:59

Seaside1234 · 02/05/2024 16:51

Also have a friend with breast cancer in early 50s who I can't see any other risk factors other than alcohol. I've almost completely stopped drinking, initially for my children (I realised it made me an unacceptably poor parent) and then for myself after I started to see the changes. I can look myself in the eye again.

Immersing yourself in quit lit is an effective tool. Highly, HIGHLY recommend The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober by Catherine Gray. The Sober Diaries by Clare Pooley is also very good. I use the Dry January app to count dry days. Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin and Atomic Habits by James Clear are terrific books about habit change.

But in the end you just have to stop. It will feel crap until your dopamine levels and receptors start to normalise. You can do it. We're all here cheering you on.

Thank you Flowers

OP posts:
theproblemchild · 02/05/2024 21:21

I unfortunately watched my younger sister (30's) die from decompensated liver disease last year. It was traumatic and I still have flash backs to the final 24 hours now.

She had been in hospital for a couple of weeks with severe electrolyte imbalances, anaemia, unstable blood sugars, gastric bleeds that required banding. She was managed in ICU initially, hid her admission from family as she was a 'functioning alcoholic' had done rehab.

She was moved from ICU to the ward with a DNA CPR (don't attempt resuscitation order). She became septic from we believe her ascites and it was touch and go. This is when we found out she was in hospital. Docs didn't think she'd last the night. We had another week of worry and then hope as she seemed to respond to antibiotics and tube feeding before she had a significant bleed but somehow stabilised with blood products.

I visited her after work by chance as the ward didn't tell us about the last bleed and never then left her bedside as found her barely responsive and observations unstable giving her a high early warning score.

I spent the last 12 hours of her life pleading with medics to either treat or palliate my little sister as she struggled for her last breaths. She was in no man's land as was over night and no one would make a decision until the consultant arrived in the morning and called it.

She died within hours and the sticking point as she passed was blood just oozed out from her mouth and nose - so much of of it running down the bed and onto the floor. That last 12 hours keeps me awake at night.

So, please for your sake and your families take it a day at a time and seek the support you need to stop. Well done on your first night off, may it be the start of many more to come. I personally have traded my wine for either tonic water or bitter lemon as not too sweet like some other non- alcoholic options and easy to order it out with other people without drawing attention to the fact you're not drinking.

Good luck on your journey 🧘

Seaside1234 · 02/05/2024 21:42

@theproblemchild I'm so sorry for such an awful experience. Thinking of you and your family xx

Begaydocrime94 · 02/05/2024 22:03

So, the reason you won’t be feeling any ill effects as such is because you’re so used to the alcohol it seems normal. When I drank every night I didn’t get hangovers really as the fuzzy head was just the default.

addiction is so tricky because I really believe you’ll only stop when you feel ready to stop. A lot of people have to reach rock bottom and if you’re not feeling any ill effects like you say you probably won’t stop of your own accord. I’d definitely go for that health MOT as it may show up the damage you’re doing to your body. A bottle of wine per day is a huge amount, it’s a poisonous carcinogen that your body doesn’t get a break at all from, it will 100% be doing damage. How’s your cognitive functioning, by the way? Find yourself being a little slower, forgetting how to string sentences together? That part always terrified me.

anyway, you’re obviously wanting to do something to reduce alcohol. You know it doesn’t need to be all or nothing, if you think about it as sobriety for ever and ever you’ll never do it. Think of it one day at a time, and if you drink, just get back on it the next day. I hope you genuinely find the strength you need to look within and do what you need to do!

Eyesopenwideawake · 02/05/2024 22:10

There is a part of me that would like to hold onto it I admit

Then it's that 'part' (of your subconscious) that needs to know that the strategy it adopted earlier in your life - to cope with feeling unloved as a child and your abusive marriage - is no longer necessary and is now actively acting against your health and happiness.

got2b · 02/05/2024 22:26

I drink most evenings - I hate the fact that I do. I'm also worried sick that I'm making myself sick by doing so. I'll have a couple of G&Ts or wine most evenings. On a weekend I drink much more.
Since Saturday last week I have had one night midweek where I had a glass of wine and a gin. I've discovered CBD drinks that give you the feeling of having had a glass of wine when you haven't. This is the first time in a while I haven't had a drink most evenings. I'm not saying they're a better option but they have helped me not reach for a bottle of something to unwind at the end of a busy day.

LiveLifeToTheFull2 · 02/05/2024 22:50

theproblemchild · 02/05/2024 21:21

I unfortunately watched my younger sister (30's) die from decompensated liver disease last year. It was traumatic and I still have flash backs to the final 24 hours now.

She had been in hospital for a couple of weeks with severe electrolyte imbalances, anaemia, unstable blood sugars, gastric bleeds that required banding. She was managed in ICU initially, hid her admission from family as she was a 'functioning alcoholic' had done rehab.

She was moved from ICU to the ward with a DNA CPR (don't attempt resuscitation order). She became septic from we believe her ascites and it was touch and go. This is when we found out she was in hospital. Docs didn't think she'd last the night. We had another week of worry and then hope as she seemed to respond to antibiotics and tube feeding before she had a significant bleed but somehow stabilised with blood products.

I visited her after work by chance as the ward didn't tell us about the last bleed and never then left her bedside as found her barely responsive and observations unstable giving her a high early warning score.

I spent the last 12 hours of her life pleading with medics to either treat or palliate my little sister as she struggled for her last breaths. She was in no man's land as was over night and no one would make a decision until the consultant arrived in the morning and called it.

She died within hours and the sticking point as she passed was blood just oozed out from her mouth and nose - so much of of it running down the bed and onto the floor. That last 12 hours keeps me awake at night.

So, please for your sake and your families take it a day at a time and seek the support you need to stop. Well done on your first night off, may it be the start of many more to come. I personally have traded my wine for either tonic water or bitter lemon as not too sweet like some other non- alcoholic options and easy to order it out with other people without drawing attention to the fact you're not drinking.

Good luck on your journey 🧘

In so sorry for your loss. If this isn't a sobering reminder I don't know what is.
How much was your sister drinking and for how long to get to that stage if you don't mind me asking?

TCThree · 02/05/2024 23:00

theproblemchild · 02/05/2024 21:21

I unfortunately watched my younger sister (30's) die from decompensated liver disease last year. It was traumatic and I still have flash backs to the final 24 hours now.

She had been in hospital for a couple of weeks with severe electrolyte imbalances, anaemia, unstable blood sugars, gastric bleeds that required banding. She was managed in ICU initially, hid her admission from family as she was a 'functioning alcoholic' had done rehab.

She was moved from ICU to the ward with a DNA CPR (don't attempt resuscitation order). She became septic from we believe her ascites and it was touch and go. This is when we found out she was in hospital. Docs didn't think she'd last the night. We had another week of worry and then hope as she seemed to respond to antibiotics and tube feeding before she had a significant bleed but somehow stabilised with blood products.

I visited her after work by chance as the ward didn't tell us about the last bleed and never then left her bedside as found her barely responsive and observations unstable giving her a high early warning score.

I spent the last 12 hours of her life pleading with medics to either treat or palliate my little sister as she struggled for her last breaths. She was in no man's land as was over night and no one would make a decision until the consultant arrived in the morning and called it.

She died within hours and the sticking point as she passed was blood just oozed out from her mouth and nose - so much of of it running down the bed and onto the floor. That last 12 hours keeps me awake at night.

So, please for your sake and your families take it a day at a time and seek the support you need to stop. Well done on your first night off, may it be the start of many more to come. I personally have traded my wine for either tonic water or bitter lemon as not too sweet like some other non- alcoholic options and easy to order it out with other people without drawing attention to the fact you're not drinking.

Good luck on your journey 🧘

Your poor sister, I'm so sorry. I think that's one of the most tragic posts I've ever read on Mumsnet, how utterly devastating for you and your family.

DownWithThisKindOfThing · 02/05/2024 23:25

theproblemchild · 02/05/2024 21:21

I unfortunately watched my younger sister (30's) die from decompensated liver disease last year. It was traumatic and I still have flash backs to the final 24 hours now.

She had been in hospital for a couple of weeks with severe electrolyte imbalances, anaemia, unstable blood sugars, gastric bleeds that required banding. She was managed in ICU initially, hid her admission from family as she was a 'functioning alcoholic' had done rehab.

She was moved from ICU to the ward with a DNA CPR (don't attempt resuscitation order). She became septic from we believe her ascites and it was touch and go. This is when we found out she was in hospital. Docs didn't think she'd last the night. We had another week of worry and then hope as she seemed to respond to antibiotics and tube feeding before she had a significant bleed but somehow stabilised with blood products.

I visited her after work by chance as the ward didn't tell us about the last bleed and never then left her bedside as found her barely responsive and observations unstable giving her a high early warning score.

I spent the last 12 hours of her life pleading with medics to either treat or palliate my little sister as she struggled for her last breaths. She was in no man's land as was over night and no one would make a decision until the consultant arrived in the morning and called it.

She died within hours and the sticking point as she passed was blood just oozed out from her mouth and nose - so much of of it running down the bed and onto the floor. That last 12 hours keeps me awake at night.

So, please for your sake and your families take it a day at a time and seek the support you need to stop. Well done on your first night off, may it be the start of many more to come. I personally have traded my wine for either tonic water or bitter lemon as not too sweet like some other non- alcoholic options and easy to order it out with other people without drawing attention to the fact you're not drinking.

Good luck on your journey 🧘

Thats heartbreaking I’m so sorry x

lifesrichpageant · 03/05/2024 06:28

Hey OP, this is a very upsetting thread, and I hope it is helpful for you. So many young women dying early. I have been hearing that the links between breast cancer and alcohol use in women have been grossly under-reported and not adequately researched.

I wanted to say that while you may think you have "tried everything", it is so, so, important to just keep on trying. One day, something will "click" for you. Don't give up. Recovery looks different for everyone. I agree with the poster up-thread that suggested a community of peers. People have trouble with AA for many reasons but it's a good place to start while you find your footing.

Good luck.

theproblemchild · 03/05/2024 08:07

@LiveLifeToTheFull2
It has certainly been a hard year for the family and we continue to navigate through it. She had drank varying amounts for 10 years or so and was good at concealing it.

Her go to was a larger top but she spiralled after she lost a child to meningitis. On the surface she cracked on, held her chin high and showed face.

She was in an abusive relationship and when the pandemic hit things got worse but she got herself together and into rehab. She emerged looking like a new woman and we had a new sense of hope.

She was back to work and seemed to manage well with the support of family but other events from her past seemed to take her back down that path and she concealed her drinking and next thing we know we were planning her funeral.

Receipts and bank statements seem to fit with her drinking 4-8 4% tins of larger a night perhaps, spirits and wine were not her go to.

Original poster
Winegirl · 03/05/2024 14:51

theproblemchild · 02/05/2024 21:21

I unfortunately watched my younger sister (30's) die from decompensated liver disease last year. It was traumatic and I still have flash backs to the final 24 hours now.

She had been in hospital for a couple of weeks with severe electrolyte imbalances, anaemia, unstable blood sugars, gastric bleeds that required banding. She was managed in ICU initially, hid her admission from family as she was a 'functioning alcoholic' had done rehab.

She was moved from ICU to the ward with a DNA CPR (don't attempt resuscitation order). She became septic from we believe her ascites and it was touch and go. This is when we found out she was in hospital. Docs didn't think she'd last the night. We had another week of worry and then hope as she seemed to respond to antibiotics and tube feeding before she had a significant bleed but somehow stabilised with blood products.

I visited her after work by chance as the ward didn't tell us about the last bleed and never then left her bedside as found her barely responsive and observations unstable giving her a high early warning score.

I spent the last 12 hours of her life pleading with medics to either treat or palliate my little sister as she struggled for her last breaths. She was in no man's land as was over night and no one would make a decision until the consultant arrived in the morning and called it.

She died within hours and the sticking point as she passed was blood just oozed out from her mouth and nose - so much of of it running down the bed and onto the floor. That last 12 hours keeps me awake at night.

So, please for your sake and your families take it a day at a time and seek the support you need to stop. Well done on your first night off, may it be the start of many more to come. I personally have traded my wine for either tonic water or bitter lemon as not too sweet like some other non- alcoholic options and easy to order it out with other people without drawing attention to the fact you're not drinking.

Good luck on your journey 🧘

Thank you for sharing this incredibly painful experience of what happened to your sister. It made me very emotional reading it and is very impactful. I am shocked that alcohol had caused so much damage in someone so young.

I am so, so sorry for your loss.

I will be thinking of you and your family Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
Winegirl · 03/05/2024 15:02

Begaydocrime94 · 02/05/2024 22:03

So, the reason you won’t be feeling any ill effects as such is because you’re so used to the alcohol it seems normal. When I drank every night I didn’t get hangovers really as the fuzzy head was just the default.

addiction is so tricky because I really believe you’ll only stop when you feel ready to stop. A lot of people have to reach rock bottom and if you’re not feeling any ill effects like you say you probably won’t stop of your own accord. I’d definitely go for that health MOT as it may show up the damage you’re doing to your body. A bottle of wine per day is a huge amount, it’s a poisonous carcinogen that your body doesn’t get a break at all from, it will 100% be doing damage. How’s your cognitive functioning, by the way? Find yourself being a little slower, forgetting how to string sentences together? That part always terrified me.

anyway, you’re obviously wanting to do something to reduce alcohol. You know it doesn’t need to be all or nothing, if you think about it as sobriety for ever and ever you’ll never do it. Think of it one day at a time, and if you drink, just get back on it the next day. I hope you genuinely find the strength you need to look within and do what you need to do!

Thank you. Yea, you're right, the fuzzy head and tiredness is just normal now. It's weird how we just come to accept things over time. When I have a night without alcohol and wake up in the morning it's an amazing feeling after being used to always feeling flat in the morning, and I swear to myself I will not drink alcohol that night, because nothing beats this feeling, but then of course, I do.

And yea, cognitive functioning, it's fine on a general day to day level and living my life, but within I do feel as if I'm losing sharpness, getting a little slower, which then of course brings all the worries about dementia.

It's madness to me when I think about these things, or read back what I'm writing, that I would then continue to drink, this is certainly not the way I saw my life when I was younger. I was teetotal until I was 30.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winegirl · 03/05/2024 15:04

lifesrichpageant · 03/05/2024 06:28

Hey OP, this is a very upsetting thread, and I hope it is helpful for you. So many young women dying early. I have been hearing that the links between breast cancer and alcohol use in women have been grossly under-reported and not adequately researched.

I wanted to say that while you may think you have "tried everything", it is so, so, important to just keep on trying. One day, something will "click" for you. Don't give up. Recovery looks different for everyone. I agree with the poster up-thread that suggested a community of peers. People have trouble with AA for many reasons but it's a good place to start while you find your footing.

Good luck.

Thank you. It is an upsetting thread and I truly appreciate everyone posting their experiences. I do feel that it is helping me.

OP posts:
CardinalCat · 03/05/2024 18:36

If you want community and connection but don't fancy AA (it's not for everyone) then there are good sober communities out there online- Facebook has free pages for people following the methodology set out in This Naked Mind, and Alcohol Explained.

There are also programmes that you pay for including soberistas and OYNB (one year no beer.) I joined the latter a few years ago to do a 90 day alcohol free challenge and it worked so well that I don't drink much at all these days (and CRITICALLY, I don't miss it and I have no FOMO.) once you sign up for a OYNB programme you have lifetime access to their Facebook community - although I dont need it anymore I still enjoy visiting the group and reading the many inspirational stories of people turning their lives around.

https://go.oneyearnobeer.com/programmes/?campaignid=21125564341&adgroupid=&adid=&gadsource=1&gbraid=0AAAAADirI4guaPBjAKWNcVmtJtRiEraR2&gclid=Cj0KCQjwltKxBhDMARIsAG8KnqWvZgHvvPJgaVyGCtTnQSHH6Wez6JA-KkO8zits6TBcAXZu8CaLHcoaAqcPEALwwcB

Unforgettablefire · 03/05/2024 18:44

Winegirl · 30/04/2024 18:49

Sorry for all the individual replies, I don't know how to quote everyone in one post.

I really appreciate everyone replying but would still like to hear actual health consequences people have experienced if anyone feels able to share. Flowers

I don't have any personal experience but close enough. I have a close family member who got throat cancer. The operation and treatment afterwards completely ravaged her and she'll never be the same person.
My DF's best friend died of long term alcohol abuse, also another got liver cancer.
Another of my friends got throat cancer I haven't seen him for ages he may well be dead now as it spread.
A friends aunt and cousin died slowly with liver problems and apparently it was horrific.
Sorry it's a bit graphic.