Nothing works!

[Winegirl]

I've name changed for this as I'm not sure if it's appropriate, or maybe people will think I'm ridiculous.

I drink around 80 units of wine a week. Have done for a long time, I'm middle aged. I so wish I could stop and I have spent years reading everything there is to know about effects, how to moderate, going sober, there's probably not much I couldn't tell you about all the negatives of alcohol.

But nothing works. I think this is partly to do with the fact that I haven't suffered any negative effects from alcohol so far, other than weight gain, I'm also in peri. Another reason, I think, is that I have family members who are much older than me who have drank in the same way and they have not suffered any serious ill effects and I tell myself I'll be fine.

I'm a very black and white thinker and deal in facts, not averages, and have a it won't happen to me mentality, even although I think about it every single day.

So what I'm asking is, does anyone have real life stories of drinking between a bottle and a bottle and a half of wine every night, and how it ended up in the end health wise? I think this may help, due to what I've said above, and also the niggling voice in my head that tells me it's only wine, it's the spirits that do the real damage.

Thank you

Thank you. I've tried cold turkey, quit lit, watching videos describing the damage it does, and I attended a local alcohol service.

I decided to do Dry January this year (again), managed 11 days.

The stupid thing is I know I great I will feel, or do feel if I string a few days together, but I always go back.

Well done for being able to stop

Sorry for all the individual replies, I don't know how to quote everyone in one post.

I really appreciate everyone replying but would still like to hear actual health consequences people have experienced if anyone feels able to share.

Please try and access support. Your history and internal voice is probably contributing to not feeling you are enough or lovable, which has been compounded by your last relationship.
Excessive alcohol use after a toxic relationship is so common as it is gives the false impression of relief and settling your nervous system.
Try to see it that while you are drinking at these levels, this fucker still has a hold over you.
Use this journey to truly heal, it's painful, but so worth it.
You're in emotional pain now, how can it be worse.
Look at healing somatic yoga, vagus therapy, EMDR.
Attend the freedom programme to support you to recognise unhealthy patterns and the reason we are drawn to certain people.
Journal, get every emotion out of your head rather than drowning it in a glass of wine. Use these things as a way of delaying your next drink.
Reach out and talk to people, friends, loved ones, people with similar experiences.
I meet so many beautiful people who try to mask with alcohol. The mask always slips, needing more and more until constant oblivion is not enough.
Unclasp the emotional hooks of every person who has caused you harm and learn who you are and what makes you happy.
You only get one go round and your future can be so different from what has been and gone.

Can you just try one less drink a night for a while, and when used to that one less again until you get to a reasonable level.

It's no good saying have one night a week without alcohol as it just doesn't work. I think you need to remove yourself from the situation/change your routine. What can you do in the evening to break the cycle? Could you join something or meet up with a friend at the cinema etc?

If you stay in your usual routine, you will find it very difficult to break the habit.

I speak from experience.

You need to go back and re engage with those services. If people could be scared sober there wouldn't be many people with drink issues

Hello Op
I hear you, I tried to stop loads of times and failed. Now I'm on day 56 and feeling good. What's made the difference for me is connecting with other people, specifically the alcohol free thread here on Mumsnet. It's a very supportive space, accepting and nonjudgmental, everyone has their story and their trauma and many have he many goes at being sober. I guarantee you will be warmly welcomed. Do come and have a look, and join us if you'd like to.

You have to want to stop first of all. Reading horror stories will do nothing more than just increase your anxiety. Good luck OP

Sounds like me. All was well on 2 bottles of wine a night for years ... The subsequent 3 trips to the operating theatre to try and stop a gastric bleed, a week in ICU, then 10 weeks in a liver unit made me quit. That was 2 years ago and I haven't looked back.

Hmmmm. I could have written your post.

I am 52. I had a stroke in January. Almost certainly linked to alcohol consumption. After that, I got my drinking down. To a bottle, a bottle and a half of wine, 4-5 nights a week. Yep, that's right, that was it DOWN.

I was lucky. I didn't lose my faculties, and have most of my physical ability. But I am now on strong meds for the rest of my life, that bring their own complications - edema, loss of strength in my arms, and I feel OLD. I am in pain most days, for most of the day.

Still, I didn't give up drinking. Until one fateful night, say, ooh, roughly 45 days ago, when on a whim, the night before, I'd written down my self determined limit - and boy howdy did I blow that sucker out of the water. I scared myself.

I'd also taken to somewhat (and very clumsily) obfuscating my drinking to my family - to me, one hell of a danger sign.

So, I 'got my ducks in a row', so to speak, and told DH, talked to a wonderful family member who has been open about his struggle with alcohol addiction over the last few years.

I'm currently white knuckling it.

My sister had a stroke, the same age as me. My father died of oesophogal cancer. My kids have issues from my drinking. Don't kid yourself that it doesn't affect them, and that they don't know about it because you do it after they've gone to bed. Having been the kid of an alcohol addict myself, I can tell you that we can tell.

You could be absolutely fine or one day the shit from drinking too much could hit your fan. It's the luck of the draw, really!

I really appreciate everyone replying but would still like to hear actual health consequences people have experienced if anyone feels able to share

OP- why do you need to be scared into quitting? horror stories of alcohol abound on the internet- you can find pictures of people with huge yellow swollen abdomens, throat cancer, mouth cancer, heart attacks and strokes all caused by alcohol. Why do you need to see people at rock bottom before making a change? you dont have to wait until the elevator is at the bottom floor before allowing yourself to give it up- you can get off now, at this floor.

Even hearing about horror stories wont really penetrate your subconscious because you arent at that point so your mind will think well, I'm ok so I can carry on.

I agree with the poster above- dont you deserve to feel better now? dont you deserve better sleep, better skin, better energy levels in general? Have a think about what feeling alcohol is suppressing for you- what is it numbing and why. You need a mindset change- to see alcohol for what it actually is, a class A carcinogen.

To answer your question, I probably drank like you did for 20 years (though more in the last year or so before I quit). I'm guessing I'm around the same age, early-mid 40s. I damaged my pancreas and now I am on meds for life to make up for what my pancreas no longer does. My blood tests were normal too, to a point, and then they weren't normal anymore.

The one thing it doesn't sound like you've tried is peer support. So reading all the books and getting clinical support through an alcohol service is one thing, but what about surrounding yourself with people who have quit/are quitting who can support you. Not just going to a meeting and then running off, but actually making friends with people who are going through what you are. I have found this has been invaluable.

Look up something like Bee Sober. There are other variations, but this is what I've done. They offer support groups, yes. But also online peer support. And activities like hikes and swims and brunches and weekend retreats. You don't have to go to all that, if you don't want to, or you don't feel comfortable to start. But having people to support you and be accountable to makes a real difference.

I never thought I would ever be able to stop drinking. I'm just over a year sober now.

i do disagree with the suggestion that there is any benefit to be gained by drinking. There is absolutely zero benefit in drinking. There are only negatives. Big negatives , physical, mental, emotional. I am very surprised your blood tests have come back within normal limits - how recently did you have them done? You might want to get them redone again just to see. This may be the nudge you need to make immediate change / seek help that works for you. Allen Carr Stop Drinking Now is very good at dispelling myths around drinking .

Thank you for sharing

So sad, Thank you for sharing

Thank you SO much for this post. I feel so seen, it's as if you know me. I have read it multiple times and I will look at everything you have mentioned to try to build up some tools to help me be free of this. I'm also thinking today that I should go back to my GP and try again to access some counselling as I believe there is something more than/alongside the addiction, habit, which needs to be processed.

Thanks again

This shocked me reading this. Thank you.

I am so glad you're well and free. Well done!

Thank you for sharing. Like the post upthread this also shocked me! I am the same age as you.

I'm sorry to hear you are still in pain, that must be very difficult for you.

Well done on your sober days, you are doing great! Stay strong, and best wishes.

Thank you for answering. I have also drank for 20 years, I'm 52. I'm sorry to hear what's happened to you.

I feel you're right about the peer support, I can see how it would be really beneficial, but I where I live that sort of thing isn't an option unfortunately, but I will look up Bee Sober to see in what way I could engage with that. Thank you.

And massive well done on your sobriety! Fantastic!

There are Zoom AA meetings you can join 24/7 from anywhere

Thank you, I'm considering joining the SMART Recovery meetings.

Op as pp have suggested, please try an AA meeting. You can find out online where they are and at what time in a town near you, or as FusionChef suggested, try one in zoom.
Alcoholism is a progressive illness and it will only get worse.

My friend drank like you, just wine. Laughed it off when the doctor told her she had a slightly 'fatty liver'. But couldn't really go without her wine each day. If her partner mentioned it, she was offended because she said she 'wasn't an alcoholic'. She started to get bruises from just slightly bumping into things, and her belly got a bit distended, then her pee turned a nasty dark brown. Doctor said liver failure. She managed to stop drinking for a couple of years via AA but then suddenly just started again. Had what she thought was a breakdown where she was talking gibberish, but was actually where her liver could no longer process toxins out of her blood so it made her delirious. Then she started coughing up blood from esophagal varices and was admitted to hospital. She needed a liver transplant immediately but there wasn't one, and she died horribly two weeks later, leaving a 15 year old child.

Hopefully that might put you off. It was awful and she was a lovely woman. Alcohol is so, so dangerous.

My friend passed away last week. Breast cancer. Age 53. No family history. She was told it was her excessive alcohol intake that was to blame. She drank wine 3 or 4 nights a week.