Drunk

[Platypus2020]

Woke today to find that my partner had yet again stayed up all night and consumed a whole box of 10 Stellas. As much as he was trying to tell me he wasn't drunk I could tell that he was certainly under the influence of alcohol. My 5 year old girl is off school today because she has been unwell and he was due to be looking after her because I had to go to work. Seeing that he was in a bit of a state of course I phoned up work to make an excuse not to come in as I felt it would be irresponsible to leave her with someone that had quite clearly been drinking

Now my other half thinks I'm overreacting and being unreasonable. Saying things like 'its just a few beers, it's not like I've been drinking spirits' and highlighting that loads of people do things under the influence of alcohol when they shouldn't.

I know that I am right to be angry but everything I say is just met with excuses. I literally feel like I am banging my head on a brick wall. It's not like he does this very often but that's not the point. It's hugely irresponsible and he just can't see that or see why it's so selfish and inconsiderate!

Sorry not sure why I posted. Sometimes I feel like I am crazy since everything I try and bring up is just met with excuses and just needed to rant !

Just because he makes excuses it doesn’t mean you need to accept them. Staying up all night drinking is not ok. Time to make plans to separate.

You're not crazy. But he will drive you crazy if he continues to drink like this. Which he probably will.

So he hasn’t been to bed at all?

this sounds utterly hellish. Not just for you sadly, for your very young daughter too

if he stayed up all night
he wasn’t just drinking op

highlighting that loads of people do things under the influence of alcohol when they shouldn't.

what did he do?

just read the full sordid history of your relationship op

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4586666-at-the-end-of-my-tether?reply=118440604

Horrible, you are right; you can’t leave a young child in the care of a man like that. And now it is affecting your work. Do you think that he actually did this to sabotage you? Consider the possibility. If he doesn’t do this all the time then why last night when he knew he was to take care of a sick little girl?

He won’t listen, so it’s time to separate from this lazy, selfish man.

4 years ago you posted about your partner being abusive whilst drunk

4 years ago!!

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/alcohol_support/3905064-Is-my-partner-abusive?reply=96408696

no point posting

you won’t do a damn thing to make your child’s life better

Why are you still with him?

I have neighbours who stay up all night drinking. Recently he threw her into a window, and ripped both her earrings out. It was quite a mess. Each incident is worse than the last.

Get away from this violent person OP. Even if you aren't bothered by it your child will be.

You've already had good advice about this. For crying out loud protect your children from this abuser.

Why don’t you try going back to your parents again, you know you need to leave, but it’s clearly very hard so baby steps.

Women are not rehab centres for men, you do not have to support him.

Jesus Christ.

Your child shouldn't even be living in a house with a bipolar alcohol who threatens to punch and shoot you.

What on earth are you getting out of this shambolic pile of shite?

You are failing your child spectaculary. Leave. Today.

Sometimes its not as easy as just advising the op to just leave.

Just read the thread from 2022 - 2 years ago
he sounds scary. Can you speak to womens aid/the police to find out the best way to leave. Also note down all the terrible instances and things that have been said. hes fine with your DD now but when she ages and becomes a sassy madam let alone teenage years, he will treat her the same as you. Stop it now. Can you go back to parents initially to get some distance? Get your thoughts together? You know last time where he became remorseful/said sorry put on the puppy dog eyes etc, then ramped it up more once he had you back - that’s absolutely abusive tactics. Dont fall for them again x

Thank you all for your replies. I do appreciate each and everyone of them, even if some of them are tough to read (like they say the truth hurts!) . I really do get it. I would be exactly the same reading it if someone else had posted.

Since my older posts there has been no behaviour like there used to be. (Getting drunk and being verbally and physically abusive) He knows that any repeat in that behaviour would lead to myself and my little girl leaving. However his behaviour and sometimes the way he speaks to me is still not great and I know it's not a great environment for my little girl to be in and not a good example I am setting by staying. I certainly would not want her growing up and being in a similar relationship or my other half starting to treat her in the same way.

I do make excuses for him and I know that is wrong. Sometimes I think yes he might have poor behaviour but at least he hasn't hit me etc and I know that is besides the point.

I know I have to do what is best for my little girl and up until now I have not been doing that. She is literally the most important thing in my life and I would do anything for her. I know I need to put my big girl pants on and deal with this

I know I have to do what is best for my little girl and up until now I have not been doing that. She is literally the most important thing in my life and I would do anything for her. I know I need to put my big girl pants on and deal with this

Please put the biggest pair of pants on you can. The issue is that the longer your daughter sees this behaviour the more likely she will end up in an abusive relationship similar to the one you are in because that is all she knows. If you can't do it for you, do it for her and her future happiness.

Well you have a choice. You can either deal with this or we can wait for you posting in 10 years because your kid has gone off the rails and you don't know what to do.

It's up to you man.

This works both ways - there's plenty of alcoholic women out there too who rely on their male partners for support, rightly or wrongly.

“At least he hasn’t hit me” This is so sad to read. Your poor little child and you- I hope you can make a way out this situation.

Why do you stay? There’s so much more to life than being glad someone hasn’t hurt you. I’m so sorry.

OP your daughter will be affected by what she sees. It could affect her ability to form healthy relationships later in life. Seeing your father abuse your mother is not without consequences. She is five years old so will be realising that something bad is happening

I know it's easy to say leave but you seem to have done it before. Go to your parents and this time don't come back. You owe this to your daughter. If you are afraid to leave, as other pps have said, contact the police or Women's Aid.

You need to do this now. For both of your sakes.