My alcohol dependence is going to kill me if I don't quit drinking.

[coldandmiserableinbirmingham]

I've had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol for a couple of decades.
I've just woken up to the fact I can't drink in moderation, it's all or nothing forme. Black outs are the norm now. Alcohol has ruined my life to the point I have lost so many friendships and my family no longer speak to me.
Today I realised my addiction is a physical one. I'm not going cold turkey and have some normal strength lager which I'm going to drink so I can taper off the hard stuff.
I was drinking a bottle of spirits plus a couple of cans of cider per day.
I've spoken to my GP about my drinking and he's been great.
I've done AA, it was great to meet people who had also had a drink problem but after a while I realised that 12 steps was doing more harm than good in terms of my mental health and so went to SMART instead, which was a much better programme altogether.
I'm writing this as due to current mental health, I'm no longer able to attend meetings as I'm having multiple anxiety attacks every day and have developed multiple phobias and severe depression so I struggle to drive and get out and about.
I'm ill, bloated, lost the respect of my family and many of my friends, I just need to get well and try to patch up the damage I've done to my family as well as my body.
Self help books are not an option as I have ADHD and find it hard to digest the information as I hyperfocus and tend to miss the bigger picture.
Any advice on how I'm going to get sober and stay sober?

Do turning point do online/phone support?

https://www.turning-point.co.uk/find-a-local-service

Have you spoken to the GP about the change in your MH? If not, please do.

Is there a social prescriber attached to your GP practice that may be able to signpost some further support for you?
There may be volunteer befrienders with some experience who may be able to help you.

Any other services near you?
https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/find-alcohol-addiction-support-services/

I hope things get easier for you

@coldandmiserableinbirmingham - well done on the recognition of your problem and planning for sobriety. As you know, tapering off is the safest and best way to get to a sober starting point.

I am 122 days AF after 000s of day ones and losing jobs, breaking bones, family at the end of their tether.

I once got through forty bottles of vodkas “in secret” plus twice weekly bottles of wine over an 8 week period. So I am truly a problem drinker and I understand where you are coming from.

I once read it takes about 100 days for your brain /neurotransmitters to correct themselves after problem drinking (I don’t use the word alcoholic/alcoholism) and I must say, I think there is truth in that.

in all honestly, I would love a glass of red or a Baileys at bedtime, but it’s not hard to resist. I want it rather than need it, if that makes sense ? More importantly, I’ve had zero cravings to buy a bottle of vodka and hide away.

there’s no magic button. I just got to the point where knew I couldn’t do it to my family/myself anymore- although it’s taken years to get here.

so my advice is to just keep clocking up the AF days and let your brain sort itself. Keep busy during peak craving times. Feel gratitude waking up sober. Play the tape forward. Then once your brain corrects itself, it will be easier. Until then, just do the hard work!

I remember reading posts like mine years/months ago and thinking “I’ll never get there/feel like that” but I am and it is truly amazing. You CAN do this!

🤞💪❤️

Thank you for your replies. I can honestly see the devastation my drinking has caused, whereas before I blamed everyone else for my drinking.
So far today I've only had two cans of 4% lager and I've got the shakes, perhaps I should have gone to the off licence and bought a quarter bottle of something stronger as I'm scared I'm going to have a fit or whatever. I've got a heart condition too, The off licence is open until 1.30 am.
My eyes have become very dark and the skin around thrm looks almost bruised. My gut has got so big with all the extra calories I'm consuming

Just wanted to say well done so far op and that you can do this. It will be hard at times but I’m sure it will be worth it. If you think you need a bit more for the tapering could you go for some gins in a can or something? I think they’re about 8%

Smart do online meetings, are you able to join any of those?

OP I'm sorry I don't have much advice but please seek help as soon as you can.
DF was an alcoholic and has been in hospital now for 2 years, fed through a tube and just under 5 stone all due to the horrific damage alcohol did to his insides. At only 55 I doubt he'll ever be able to work or live independently again. Good luck

Go to online meetings, much less anxiety inducing.
You might need to drink stronger for a while and cut down slower. Your GP can and should guide you with this. I was on three bottles of wine a day and needed to cut down by half a glass every couple of days. Slowly slowly.
You can do it, you are absolutely going about it with the mental attitude for success. Keep going!

How are you this morning @coldandmiserableinbirmingham ?

I am thinking of you and wishing you well. I’ve woken up this morning on a cold and miserable day but it’s just so brilliant waking up without feeling ill and having hangxiety ❤️

The best option is be completely sober, that may sound impossible, but it really is. You are not alone, millions of people around the world become addicted to alcohol. Good luck.

I really feel for you. Addiction feels like a one way tunnel but, as pp have said, there is a way - just keep edging towards the light.

Your swollen tummy sounds like fluids rather than fat accumulation. The hospital can help drain that for you. Can you get your self to A&E? Can the hospital help you detox with some proper medications?

You may be safer doing this with some medical help.

Good luck and keep going - you will get there in the end - it can be done

The swollen tummy might be ascites, rather than fat. Please OP seek medical help for this - you don't seem to know how to wean yourself off safely atm and that is risking your health on it's own. Contact your GP or out of hours service immediately and ask them how to safely detox. You're going to need medical support for this, as well as moral support.

Thank you. I had 3 cans of normal strength lager, 8 units in total, didn't sleep a wink. Feet better than yesterday and managed to have a bath and put on clean clothes. I've downloaded an app, can't remember the name but it's great for me as I have ADHD and loose things.

My belly is fat as I've hardly moved since March when I quit my job. I still look awful, horrible puffy bages under my eyes but I feel positive. I've tried to quit before with quackaholics anonymous and Smart but I've got a good feeling that I'm going to succeed. Its great being able to have this kind of support 247, I've also found a really good Facebook group Alcohol Support and Advice-Both Sides oh the Bottle.

I know the AA steps might not be right for you but there are online zoom meetings 24 hours a day. You don’t even need to put your camera on but can listen in. You don’t need to do the steps or anything else…just listen xx

I think you need vitamin b complex. Alcohol washes it out of your system and it is really necessary for your nerves. I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol but not as bad as yours and took a double dose of berocca for a few days when giving up.

As for AA, every group has it's own characteristics, maybe you just haven't found your group

I'm aware I need Thiamine . I'll take multi vitamin/ mineral supplement too.
As for support groups I absolutely love SMART, just star5ed having panic attacks while driving and th3 meet up was 13 miles away so not possible.

Have you read up on what anxiety is and therefore how to help yourself cope with it?

Feel the anxiety, breathe and breathe and breathe until the adrenalin subsides than inch closer to doing the thing causing you anxiety?

High anxiety is linked to ADHD and perhaps one of the trigger for why you started drinking?

I was shocked that learning about anxiety and breathing could help me so much.

There is information about online Smart UK and international smart meetings here OP. Camera and speaking is optional.

smartrecovery.org.uk/online-meetings/

Hi folks, thank you for all your lovely messages, advice and support.
I'm now on day five of "tapering " My last binge of 32 units was on 6th December. The next two days I drank only lager, as after months of regularly drinking a bottle of spirits or equivalent, my body couldn't take anymore and I felt that the next binge would be my last as I could feel the effects of years of heavy drinking and I was no longer functioning. Well I'm pleased to say I have averaged 3 cans of beer a day ( 6 units) and Oddly enough have not had any cravings. I hav3 forced myself to drink some alcohol to keep withdrawal symptoms to a management and safe level.
The first couple of days I was a bit wobbly; mild shakes and so on ; had only about 6 hours sleep in all this time but today feel fairly calm and rested despite have a small panic episode.
Trying not to push myself too hard to do everything in my tip of a house but I've made a good start. I've downloaded an app that helps keep me on track of my alcohol consumption and over the 3 days I've been using it I've saved 66 units,£32 and 3400 calories.
I've also got my appetite back so I'm using up all stuff in my freezer ( the salad drawer looked like a swamp pit) and making nutritious unusual meals, Sprout risotto anyone?

No advice, OP, just a reminder that you’re valuable and you’re brave. DH has had issues with alcoholism. I don’t know anything about you but it was therapy dealing with his childhood that put DH back on his feet. He was blanking out his demons. Please come back here too when you need support.

Well done OP. Keep going.
Can I ask if you've taken up the suggestion of SMART online meetings? As previous poster said you can keep your camera off.

Well done, one day at a time.

Start putting the money in a separate pot and spend it on treats whether it's a take away a night away, anything that will bring you joy.

I just want to say well done and keep going.

My son was warned by his GP if he carried on drinking he'd be dead. He blacked out, hit his head on the pavement and nearly died. Due to his brain injury from the fall he is now in a wheelchair, can never live alone and independently and has been in hospital 2.5 years. Please use what happened to him to motivate yourself. The only only other thing is to try and identify what made you start drinking heavily and address that. Good luck

Not done SMART online meetings as I've been concentrating on doing one thing at a time. My brain goes on overload if I do many things at once( ADHD) and I've got several medical appointments this week. I do think SMART are amazing though and I've picked up some great tools from thrm( just forgot where my toolbox was kept lol)

Well done, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. You can do this.