Am I an alcoholic? Determined to stop

[Coffeeandtveasily]

I really need to change my relationship with alcohol.

I drink at the weekend, most weekends. Very rarely during the week but recently I've had a couple of midweek events and drunk heavily then too.

I'm talking numerous glasses of wine. When I start I have no off switch and will drink until I'm very drunk.

I wake up ashamed, guilty, anxious and embarrassed but will continue to drink at the next event etc.

I've quit for long periods before and felt great so I don't know why I fall back into these patterns.

I have a lovely life - DH, kids, decent job although I do have OCD, anxiety and intrusive thoughts. So there's definitely a bit of escapism in there as well as feeling like letting my hair down and wanting to party.

I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic. I'm definitely a binge drinker with no off switch.

I've been reading a lot of threads on here and they're really helping so I wanted add my own.

Your anxiety and intrusive thoughts will be hugely exacerbated by alcohol. I suffered from anxiety and depression for years but now I have cut right back on alcohol I no longer suffer. My skin is so much better, less puffy and dull, my eyes are clear, I have so much more energy and I sleep better. I also have more money! I no n longer have the fear in the morning. You truly will not regret stopping drinking, it makes you feel so happy and empowered. You can do it! Don’t be a slave anymore to it, keep your health a priority, keep your hard earned money away from the greedy paws of the alcohol companies! Good luck.

Whether you are an alcoholic or not, alcohol is negatively impacting your life and you are happier when you don’t drink. Try the alcohol experiment app I found it really interesting and useful. Good luck

I will save you years of alcohol related misery. Just quit. If you can 100% quit, the longer you can do it, the easier it gets. Your mental health will improve and you will no longer miss it after a year. Speaking from experience x

I have a target to go alcohol free on Jan 1st for at least 2 months. I don’t get drunk and I stop and I mostly drink 12% Champagne but it’s a habit I look forward to regularly like it is what I live for! Very sad.

I’ve given up for a year in the past.

Make a plan. Set a date. Ignore any feels of guilt and shame because they are not productive and they will lead you back to alcohol.

Good luck.

Yes this! Doesn’t matter what the label is really, you’re not happy and stopping will positively impact you.
I used trydry app for dry January last year and ended up doing 100 days. It’s really motivating as it tots up calories and money saved every day.
Good luck!

Alcoholic can be a scary label as it can create the fear that you are some sort of awful different sort of person almost a monster. Alcohol is an addictive substance and all humans have reward systems that are more or less hijackable by such substances. And many people find whatever solemn oath or decision they have taken to moderate, once the first glass is down all bets are off (a bit of simple but profound AA wisdom is that it's the first drink that gets you drunk)

Alcoholic was a label chosen by some as a way to accept a reality that they can't drink safely & to hold the line against slipping back into the comforting delusion that this time it'll be different.

Try not to obsess about what you are or aren't — the reality is you want to stop drinking. Can you stick to that decision from will power alone? If you find you can't on your own internal resources & keep going back to the drink (which many many people can't, me included), then the dilemma is where to seek help outside of your own head: for instance — medication (I found naltrexone useful for getting a few weeks of total sobriety under my belt), peer support from meetings etc, working a program of sobriety.

Learning more about alcohol is good too. I found David Nutts "Drink?" Very useful about the health impacts — although knowledge of this isn't normally enough to get people to stop on it's own

I hear you OP, I am a long-term sufferer of anxiety, I also have no ‘off switch’ and this goes for alcohol, drugs, sugar… I’m a binger. My wine binges came to a head about 12 years ago when I behaved in a way that almost ended my marriage. So I stopped drinking completely for about 6 months. I did reintroduce alcohol again but very carefully and mindfully, and with very specific rules in place (no wine, no spirits, never drinking alone, never drinking at home…) So now I will only drink beer or cider and can only manage two in one sitting because it’s so much liquid! I drink once a month if that. My alcohol use is under control and I never have those crushing anxiety hangovers now or the horror of waking up and not being able to remember what went down the night before.

Some people need to stop completely forever while some can find a way to moderate so they can still enjoy an occasional glass.

Good luck OP. This will be tough but it will absolutely be worth it.

There's been many studies and research that shows that the majority of people who drink too much are not alcohol dependant or alcoholics.

I guess it depends on whether you feel like you are in control of the drinking or not. I don't really think it means you are an alcoholic, it can be just unhealthy relationship or routine you've fallen into.

I drink more than I know I should but I enjoy it. I might have a drink every day some weeks but it's normally just one large glass (a bottle of wine over three nights). Still not okay, but I'll have periods when I think I've been drinking too much and stop for a week, a month or whatever. I find it very easy to not drink so while I have an unhealthy alcohol habit, I don't believe I am dependant, it's just become routine.

The biggest issue I have is the amount of calories 😯I've definitely piled the weight on so after Christmas I am going on a detox and going to try and break the habit for health reasons, weight reasons, and bank balance reasons! I am going to try and replace my evening glass of wine with an evening trip to the gym instead. Distraction works well for me (and to be honest I have the same issue with food as I do wine!)

'Alcoholic' isn't really a very helpful term. Culturally, we typically use it to refer to people who are physically dependent on alcohol, get withdrawals if they don't drink every day, maybe drink in the morning first thing or drink secretly. That is one extreme of problem drinking, but it doesn't capture all of it. Problem drinking or grey area drinking can look exactly as you describe - weekend binge drinking that is getting out of hand and causing you physical, emotional or social consequences as a result.

Me personally, I do identify with the label alcoholic (as it did probably describe how I drank quite well), but in my sober groups, the vast majority of people (mostly women) stopped because they drank exactly how you are saying you drink. They were weekend binge drinkers who began to feel fed up and ashamed and wanted to get out of that cycle of heavy drinking every weekend/holiday/celebration/failure/etc. You don't have to be an alcoholic to stop or to see benefits from stopping.

You don't have to be an alcoholic to stop or to see benefits from stopping.

I agree with that. The majority of people I know who have stopped altogether were not people that would be considered alcoholics but definitely had an unhealthy relationship/attitude towards alcohol.

Thank you so much for all of the responses. They are making me feel much less alone and ashamed.

I am going to see if I can abstain from alcohol until Christmas.

Good luck OP, and keep talking to us.

This sounds so much like me. I'd tried so many things to help me cut down and stop but nothing has worked.

I've signed up for the Sinclair Method online which is a private prescription for a medication called Naltrexone which is designed to reduce your drinking by switching off the pleasure centre activated by alcohol. You can still drink but it's supposed to make you less interested in it.

I haven't started it yet as I only got the meds this week and don't intend to have a drink until the weekend (you only take it when you drink). But the reviews sound incredible!

I do have some issues that I know have led me to this and so I'm accessing counselling around this in conjunction with the meds.

Sending you lots of luck 🍀

Personally I find the term alcoholic unhelpful and I also associate it with AA so not a term I use. To me it others the addiction, treats it as different to any other drug addiction (it isn’t) and also blames the person rather than the drug.

Even if we all said that you aren’t an alcoholic would you be happy with your drinking. I guess that’s a no?

Alcohol is an addictive drug widely peddled in shiny packaging to look attractive and then people who become addicted are vilified. It’s messed up.

if you think you drink too much and want to stop that’s all that’s needed

Agree with pp, think of yourself as a problem drinker and only because drinking is causing you problems.

@TooOldForThisNonsense Thank you. You're absolutely right.
The cycle of blame, shame and self hatred is absolutely no help.

Absolutely. It’s that, that keeps many of us trapped for so long. It can feel really lonely, but you’re most definitely not alone x

If you feel that alcohol is negatively affecting your life then you know the answer yourself.

The red flag to me is the no off switch. I too drink at weekends but I'm capable of only having one, switching to soft drinks etc, quite different ti what you describe. Occasional midweek events also would be fine as long as it doesn't affect the rest of your life.

Some people can moderate with conscious effort, other find they need to stop, only you know which camp you are in. I remind myself that you can have just as much fun without it!

how are you doing Op

listen to the other posters (although maybe dodge the one saying they’re going to start from Jan. If you accept you have a problem, now is the time to address) that have addressed drinking problem.

Had friends round who were drinking and I didn't touch a drop!

Well done 👏

You're already proving that you are strong and you can do this if you want to.

Well done op - im in a similar boat and have also decided to knock booze on the head until Christmas Day so I'll keep you company 🥂

I was like you. Sometimes I'd go out and have a couple but other times I couldn't control it and would say stupid things, do stupid things and be sick etc. I also have anxiety. I stopped drinking 51 weeks ago and feel much better for it!

The answer to that question may be difficult to recognize. It seems that you could use an Alcohol Questionnaires like the one that are commonly used in treatment settings to determine severity of alcohol use.

It's important to note that while alcohol may provide a temporary escape, it does not address underlying issues and can lead to dependence, addiction, and adverse health effects. It may be beneficial for you to seek support from friends, family, or professional counseling to address the root causes.
Take care.

One week alcohol free!