I think I need to face facts.

[smegley]

I think I have develop a drink problem.

I am now consuming approx 50 units a week.
A bottle and half of wine a night, or wine and alcopops.

I get the shakes and constantly think about where my next drink is coming from.
Every day I wake up and vow not to drink. This lasts until after work when I start again.
I have just returned from the gp who gave me a number to call and thats it.
I don't know how to stop, deep down I know I need to but I like the feeling that first drink gives me.

Not sure where to go from here...

Well done OP for wanting to make a change and good luck with it. Lots of support online. I am thinking of making a change myself as drinking around 1/2 a bottle of wine a night and rarely/never having a night off. Really want to cut down as worry about the damage it's doing to my body including liver damage and increased risk of cancer etc.

BTW, OP, it doesn't have to be AA that you approach. The reason I'm suggesting them, though, is that it sounds as though you need something to really focus you on what the consequences of continuing as you are are likely to be, and attending some AA meetings can certainly do that. Strike while the iron is hot, etc. I don't doubt that there are other places/organisations that can help, but (speaking of my own experience) they can be difficult to find. AA is very easy to find. It's available somewhere every hour of every day, either online or in-person. You could even go to the site, search for meetings and attend one tonight, completely anonymously.

I'm not religious, and I know that there's a bit of a religious 'flavour' to some of the AA stuff that can be off-putting. I decided not to use that as an excuse not to engage, though. It's absolutely not necessary to believe in a god to get all the good stuff out of AA. If you decide to give it a go then just ignore that side of it, if it's not your thing, and focus instead on the stories that people are telling about their experiences, and how they got through them.

Best again

You are all so lovely, thank you for all the great advice.

There is an AA meeting near me tomorrow evening.
Not sure how I feel about going but it's good to know the option is there if needs be.

Im certain I'll wake up with the good intentions of not drinking again.
Maybe I can make it work this time.

Im quite worried about the blood tests.
Im worried that they will show a problem but I'm also worried if they don't I'll use that to justify having a drink as in im not doing any harm etc.

I can't believe I have done this to myself.
Im such a fool.
I haven't been a full week sober in probably 8/9 months :(

Check out Bee Sober. I think there are a lot of resources out there and support for people who may not classically fit the definition of an 'alcoholic' and who may not easily find a home within AA. You do need to hunt for them a bit though. You might also find some resources within support for people who are grey area drinkers.

Also, if going to an AA meeting seems like a big leap to take (I know going to a meeting for the first time for me was really quite scary!) consider trying an online meeting. You can sit and listen with your video and audio off. Just to see how it works and to hear other people talking about their drinking. It may help you work out if it's for you.

If it's not for you, there are other options out there. It's not for me personally (even though I do identify as being an alcoholic, philosophy just isn't quite right). There is also SMART recovery. There is Bee Sober (they run online groups several days a week and also have in-person meet ups for social things). There will likely be local sober groups to you as well if you want to do something person. It takes a bit of digging to find though.

Support is so important though. There are so many of us out there and you are not alone and nothing you are describing is anything that others haven't had to deal with too. It helps so much to have other people who understand to reach out to as you are finding your way.

Aww @smegley well done for posting. Admitting to yourself, to an alcohol support board, and your GP, is 3 really big steps right there.

Please feel free to join our lovely supportive thread here Page 3 | Tulips, snowdrops and another Day 1! | Mumsnet to speak with some like-minded ladies.

There is loads of free material out there which you can access any time of the day or night. I really enjoy podcasts and there are loads - try a few out and see what fits you well. My favourites are
Sober Powered (which really gets into the science of stuff)
Sober Awkward (which is very funny)
Sassy sober mum (people's every day stories)
Sober Dave gets some good guests on

There really are a lot and hopefully you'll find one that you can relate to. Same with quit lit, there is a lot of books out there which you might enjoy. Plus a lot of websites do daily emails; try "Belle tired of thinking about drinking", "Tribe sober", "hola sober", "this naked mind". Also you could set up a secret sober instagram and follow some of the accounts I mentioned.

So there is some practical and free stuff right there.

You are not alone. It is so important to know that. Alcohol is bloody toxic; it's an addictive drug dressed up as socially acceptable. There is also a strong link between addiction and trauma so this may be something you could think about exploring more widely in therapy?

Finally, something I wish I had known when starting this journey out over 3 years ago was that this doesn't just get resolved overnight. It isn't a linear journey where you quit alcohol easily and effortlessly and everything is magic within a few days and you never want to drink again. No. I have had countless day 1s, as we call them, and have fallen and "failed" so many times. This "failure" makes me even more filled of shame and loathing and guess what helps me forget that .... yeah, you got it. And you can tuck a good few days of weeks or sobriety away and start to feel different and then, bam, the voice of moderation creeps in, which is the most insidious thing of all. "Why don't you just have one, you've earned it, everyone else is" etc. I am not trying at all to put you off but I just don't want you to feel like I did when I stumbled and fell. So. If you had 10 stone to lose, you wouldn't just magically drop them overnight, you'd need a plan, toolkit, support, and you might occasionally fall off your strict diet.
God I feel I have totally rambled there but really hope it makes sense!!

Wishing you all the luck x