Hi there, and very well done for recognising the problem. With the amount you're drinking, as you've described it, there can't be any doubt about you having a significant problem.
As others have done already, I'd suggest visiting AA. I know you've said you don't feel you're ready for it, but you definitely need some kind of help and when do you think you might be ready, if not now? Much better to decide you're ready before something catastrophic happens, as it almost certainly will if you continue to drink at the rate you've described.
I was very nervous about my first visit to AA, but I Googled in advance and found an AA number to ring. They put me in touch with a couple of women locally, and I arranged with one of them to attend a particular meeting. She met me outside and took me in, and I can genuinely say that nobody there could possibly have been kinder or more accepting. Everybody there was also an alcoholic (that's the case at most meetings), and I found it was quite a relief to know that everybody else had felt the same kind of fear and shame that I was feeling.
Something that could easily have been catastrophic was what caused me to take action. I was pretty lucky to survive it. I'd developed a drinking problem over many years, and come from a family of alcoholics on my father's side. My drinking got out of hand during Covid, with WFH, to the point that I'd drink from mid-afternoon onwards at the same time as working. One night I'd drunk a load of gin and wanted more of a buzz, and so I decided to start on a bottle of Oramorph that I'd been prescribed for dental pain.
I fell asleep on the couch, sitting up, and woke up something like 36 hours later. I'd slept through a whole day and night. When I tried to stand up I thought I'd had a stroke as I couldn't straighten my neck and could barely walk. Fortunately I have a great neighbour and she drove me to the GP, who confirmed that it wasn't a stroke. It took more than a week before `I could stand up straight again, and the GP said I could quite easily have died.
The whole thing scared me so profoundly that I haven't had a drink since. I went to several AA meetings, but stopped going simply because for various reasons it was difficult for me to get to them in the evenings. I still have them in the back of my mind, though, and I won't hesitate to go back if I feel seriously tempted again. Hearing stories from the others who were there was a pretty frightening insight into how much worse it could actually have got.
I've not told this story before, other than to my GP, my neighbour and my family, but if there's anybody else out there who's struggling with alcohol and wondering whether to try out AA to get help then I hope this might spur you into giving it a go. I've heard others say that things have to get truly awful - as bad as possible - for many of us who are alcoholics to give up and get help, and that was my experience. It doesn't have to be yours, though, OP. Not everybody has to hit rock bottom. You've done a great thing in recognising the issue. I hope you can take the next step and get the help you need. Don't hesitate to PM me if it might help 