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Alcohol support

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Original poster

Wasted 8 months of sobriety

31 replies

mfms · 29/10/2023 16:21

Hi,

Just looking for a safe place to vent. Having been a binge drinker my whole life I gave up drinking when i lost what little control of it that I thought I had. I was rewarding myself with a vodka for simply getting through a day, I was drinking to black out through the week. I was missing work, it was tragic really.

I gave up completely on February 24th. I was sober until October 15th when at a family function I was extremely stressed, DH suggested a drink to ease my nerves and inevitably I drank to black out. Last night we had a date night, we bought got drunk. He's hurt his hand and lost his phone.

Alls I can describe it as my brain literally says "f**k it" and I just do it, even though I know I'll hate myself, it's dangerous and I don't want to.

I'm so angry at myself. I done amazing whilst I was sober, I thought I'd retrained my brain and now it's all back to square one.

Idk if I should maybe attend a group? I am so frightened that I'll get the feeling of "oh eff it, just do it" because when I do it's so overwhelming.

Any support would be extremely appreciated

OP posts:
Moon5 · 29/10/2023 16:22

It’s not back to square one at all. You’ve done it before so now you know you can do it again. Keep going xx

PickAChew · 29/10/2023 16:23

That 8 months with have done wonders for your physical health and tomorrow is a new day.

Is your DH alcohol dependent, too, or is he just bloody inconsiderate?

Original poster
mfms · 29/10/2023 16:25

No, he's just inconsiderate but he was scared after last night and has decided to stop drinking. He can take or leave it, he's only ever drunk usually because I've shamelessly encouraged it.

He was supportive through my initial sober stage, I just don't know what possessed him to offer me a drink but he didn't force me and it's my fault I drank it, he certainly accepts now that I can't have "a drink"

OP posts:
plumtreebroke · 29/10/2023 16:25

Just because you fall over once it doesn't mean you have to give up. Give yourself a break for being human and carry on sober.

Original poster
mfms · 29/10/2023 16:27

I'm terrified of the thoughts that come with it, how careless my brain becomes and I convince myself I'll be fine when I know deep down that I am not fine I'm genuinely not capable of controlling my intake once I have even a sip.

My dad was an alcoholic, he's managed to quit and stay sober for 28 years. He's never been to AA he just used his will power but im not strong enough

OP posts:
MarzipanKnees · 29/10/2023 16:27

Being sober for eight months is amazing! You’re human and you’ve had a setback. But you clearly have inner strength and that’s amazing. Please try to treat yourself with gentleness.

Apossum · 29/10/2023 16:28

It’s absolutely not wasted, 8 months is amazing and you can do it again, and more. Well done for doing that long, and for committing to giving up again. Best of luck!
With regards to your husband, I’d be questioning my relationship with him to be honest. He completely undermined all the hard work you’d done, why on earth would he suggest a drink to an alcoholic?! So unsupportive.

MissChanandlerB0NG · 29/10/2023 16:30

An 8 month break on your body is an incredible thing to do. Please don't feel it's wasted time. Be kind to yourself, you've got this. You can absolutely do it again 😊

Original poster
mfms · 29/10/2023 16:31

@Apossum I know. I don't think he realised how serious it is. He sure does now, he's very regretful and apologetic

OP posts:
Apossum · 29/10/2023 16:32

Okay, you know him best. Just know you can do this 💐

Candleabra · 29/10/2023 16:34

Not wasted time. Definitely not. It’s also been helpful for identifying trigger points for drinking, you have more knowledge now and can use that to succeed in the future. Don’t succumb to self pity and use the slip as an excuse to drink more. You know you can do it.

Original poster
mfms · 29/10/2023 16:37

Thanks for all the kind words. It's so frustrating to be here again when I swore I never would be. When I was sober I was so present and engaged in life now I'm anxious

OP posts:
Orchidgarden · 29/10/2023 16:39

You have already done so very well in giving up! You should be despondent about one lapse, it's just a blib.

ArtyStripedSocks · 29/10/2023 16:41

Agree with other poster that you need to make certain your dh does not undermine you like this in future, but it sounds like you've got that covered.

I gave up about 14 years ago. Stopped for a year, then had a drink and slowly (not that slowly) got back to the danger point. I stopped again, safe in the knowledge that I can never drink again. Ever. I haven't had a drink in over 12 years. I don't miss it and I will never do it again.
I found the Alan Carr book about limiting alcohol extremely helpful. It says you should not stop your drinking habit until you finish it so the book, but I think you should stop right away. You could blast through that book in a day or two.....
good luck.

If you've managed so far without a group, then maybe you don't need one, but it might be helpful for you if you are worried about restarting.
Good luck. You haven't gone back to square one, it's just a glitch, and it's good it's scared you, because it's bloody scary,

Findyourneutralspace · 29/10/2023 16:42

A slip does not undo the progress you made. It is just that. A slip. It’s part of the process - you tested the water and learned it’s not somewhere you wish to return.
Be kinder to yourself. You haven’t ruined everything, just reminded yourself why sobriety is better for you. It’s a process of rewriting your brain. I’m in the same process and most of the time it goes well, but I learned this week that the part that is tied in with high emotions still needs some work, so I need to put a better strategy in place to prevent stumbling there.
Success is rarely a straight line. You just hit a bump in an incredible road so far.

enjoyingscience · 29/10/2023 16:42

You’ve slipped up - the only waste would be not to learn from it and get back into a sober groove.

forgive yourself, but don’t forget.

ArtyStripedSocks · 29/10/2023 16:42

Also, it might be a good idea for you to have a think about stress relief, and nice holistic things which you can do which would help in situations where you feel on edge: magnesium salts bath with candles, rescue remedy, candles. X

ArtyStripedSocks · 29/10/2023 16:43

Don't know why I said candles twice! I meant meditation!

CeciledeVolangesdeNouveau · 29/10/2023 16:47

OP, that’s like climbing a hill and your foot slipping for a second. If you’d been drinking excessively for a while, your brain is going to be oversensitive to alcohol and your liver will be less tolerant as you’ve been off for a while.

The all or nothing mentality can harm recovery so much - I have this much more with my eating disorder but if I eat even slightly more than I mean to it can get me stuck in months of bulimia, because I think “screw it, I’ve ruined things, all I can do is binge and purge”. It’s similar with drinking and for that reason I disagree with the AA methods of counting days and starting from zero if you slip. I wouldn’t recommend AA for that reason, but other groups like SMART recovery might be helpful?

I’ve had severe problems with alcohol and the approach of my MH support team is really helpful. They wouldn’t judge if I just wanted to reduce and class anyone who is sober (ie no alcohol in their system) to be abstinent. This helps me as I’m very self-judgmental and a black and white thinker. SMART recovery is based on CBT so should help if you have those traits too.

Guilt and shame are only going to drag you back down as it gives your brain a reason to want to run away, usually with alcohol. Take it easy with yourself, praise yourself for such a long stint without a drink and pick up where you left off tomorrow. It’s difficult and having had one off day (or a couple) doesn’t diminish the achievement of the days before.

HarpieDuJour · 29/10/2023 16:52

Please don't get too down about this. Yes, you made a mistake and you can't change that. But you can move forward, get support (groups sound like a good idea) and make sure this doesn't happen again.

Don't waste time worrying about what you did, think about what you can do now and what you will do tomorrow.

WendyWagon · 29/10/2023 16:54

Can i suggest the support thread over on alcohol.
I'm not perfect but generally I have been sober for 22 months (ww reflects the handful of times I have had a blip)
I drank to self harm, celebrate, commiserate. I drank for 17 years at least five bottles of wine a week. Would I go back, no.
Put it behind you.

Original poster
mfms · 29/10/2023 17:01

Thank you everyone. I think being honest and open about being an alcoholic is what helped me the first time. I started training my brain to understand that for whatever reason, I cannot moderate under any circumstances. I have a stressful job, started only 4 months ago (nurse) I am terrified of falling back into using alcohol as a coping mechanism.

I have so many positive things to be sober for, last time my will power was great but I feel a bit wobbly now but I'll take on board all your advice, thank you x

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 29/10/2023 17:06

Remember it's one day at a time so tomorrow is a new day. Just take that step and don't beat yourself up.
Could you get a counsellor who would help with the anxiety so you are not back in that place.
Also AA is a big support to a lot of people.

MidnightOnceMore · 29/10/2023 17:07

The eight months are absolutely not wasted, they're an excellent achievement. You've reinforced your resolve now, you know you can do eight months, so you can do any number of months.

Wtf was your DH thinking though!

WeWillFixItHeave · 29/10/2023 17:10

You can either a) decide that you fell off the wagon once, therefore can’t do it, or, b. that you managed it every day for eight months, so can do it. You want to, and can stop, so go for option b.

But I do think you need professional help, it’s nearly impossible to do it on your own but very possible to do it with help, especially when you want to stop. I think you may also need to consider whether you should stay with your partner or not. I think you would be risking your recovery hugely by being with somebody that encourages you to drink and drink themselves.