I don't WANT to quit or cut down.

[BrassicaBabe]

I like wine.
I can afford wine.
I don't get hangovers
Wine doesn't negatively impact my relationships.
I drink only at socially acceptable times or day.
I am never inappropriate for the circumstance or occasion.
I like the way wine relaxes me at the end of the day.
I don't drink and drive.
I prefer wine as an end of day "treat" to chocolate etc.

You get it 🤣

But I drink every day and my weekly units are way beyond what is healthy.

How do you cut down/out if actually you don't WANT to?!

I hear you

I did it for years - decades, actually - and then went tits up when a lot of bad things happened. Of course I turned to my trusted helper, and ended up in rehab. So I'd probably say don't drink when you're upset!

But ... here comes the sensible part. It is an absolute miracle I have no liver or kidney damage. Truly astonishing: not because of the two years I spent messy drunk, but because of the sheer volume of alcohol I'd inflicted on my organs over the greater part of my life. People I met in recovery had horrendous, lasting health problems after drinking quite a bit less than I'd put away.

It's unfashionable to point out that several human enzymes process alcohol, and your genetics determine which ones you have. Some people - a lot of SE Asians, for instance - have none. I can only suppose I've got them all, and maybe you have too.

Even that wouldn't immunise you to alcohol damage, though, just lengthen your odds. Liver failure, kidney failure, heart failure and sclerosis are not pretty or fun to live with. You're a borderline alcoholic.

Your choice what to do with that thought.

How do you cut down/out if actually you don't WANT to?!

Cut down by drinking a tall glass of water in between glasses of wine.

Cut out by joining AA.
Yes, you will be a lighter drinker than most members (who aren't lying) but this is what they told me:
Addiction's like a lift that only goes down. It goes a very, very, very long way down, each floor more hellish than the last. I was lucky to get out of the lift at a relatively high floor. Definitely not a good idea to get back in and go down further.

Can you have a couple of alcohol free days? I usually have a drink Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights, but don't have anything during the week.

I have to say though, a couple of times a year dh and I will have a month off and my sleep is so much better and I do usually feel different.

I’ve read lots of scary posts on here over the years from nurses who say that they see women like that all the time, who think they’re fine one day and then suddenly they have irreparable liver damage

How do you cut down if you don't want to? Simple answer is I don't think you can. What you CAN do is research the health implications and make an informed choice. If that choice is to just continue, then you've really only got yourself to blame when the consequences arrive.

So, why do you want to cut down?

This.....I am a Nurse and we have had a patient recently who falls into this category. Drinking wine at home, had no idea it was doing the damage and now has liver cirrhosis. I think a lot of people think if they aren't a raging alcoholic that ticks certain boxes it is safe when it really isn't

I just finished the audiobook "alcohol explained" by William Porter. I'm like you although very overweight and the book has helped me understand quite a bit.

I'm going to take a 3 month detox (alcohol and other things like social media etc) and then would like to drink more mindfully. We will see.

The book is interesting and not preachy.

I've cut out drinking since January.

You don't want to now, but your drinking might escalate gradually as you try and chase that relaxing feeling. Eventually it will make you feel tired enough, depressed enough, anxious enough or poor enough to quit.

I reached a stage where I was totally fed up of the way it made me feel the day after. No rock bottom, just sick and tired of it. Then I definitely wanted to quit.

There is an easy way to cut down just don’t drink so much normal drinkers who are not alcoholics should have no problem moderating their drinking. If you are not particularly concerned about your health then carry on as you are.

My best friend's brother has very nearly died. He was the same as you, drank a lot but never inappropriately. His office was the pub. He was the life and soul of every party. Didn't appear to drink much, wasn't drunk, never inappropriate etc. This carried on till suddenly he went yellow and was very ill - cirrhosis of the liver, minimal liver function, irreversibly damaged.

He went from a lot of pints a day (because it wasn't just what he drank at the pub, he also drank when home) to none, did everything the doctors asked and is now pretty much unable to work or do anything, just is very ill and awaiting a liver transplant.
I fear it's too late, he's very very ill and if no suitable liver materialises....

My friend and her mum and dad are in bits. Nobody realised.

Please don't be that person.

Can I ask how old you are OP?

I used to enjoy wine in the evening, not every night, but with dinner etc.

I cannot drink wine at all now, the next day effects just got so much worse as I got older.

You may think you feel ok the next day as you haven't any non drinking days to compare it to iyswim. Hangovers are just headaches and feeling sluggish etc. They can cause quite a bit of anxiety too.

So really, you have to want to reduce the amount. What about starting off with a lighter wine ?

Methinks you protest too much.
Why do you think you're so reliant on it?

In the long run it's going to impact on your liver, your skin and your general well-being. What age are you, I ask as, believe me, you won't be able to keep it up for ever.

Practically, find something else to do to break the habit.

I think you have to find a reason strong enough to change your mind about not wanting to.

whilst you don’t want to, you won’t.

But drinking everyday is unhealthy, you are increasing your risk of cancer, liver damage or disease. But then you must know all of this.

many people partake in unhealthy habits for years and it absolutely does not negatively impact them. Then they reach the tipping point and it has turned into a massive health crisis.

That would be enough for me and it is enough for me, I don’t particularly want to avoid sugar or to make sure I get my steps in even when it’s pissing down or don’t really want to eat my greens when actually what I want is pizza, but my concern of waking up 10 years from now with diabetes or bowel cancer is enough to make me do things I don’t want to do.

If you accept the risks then carry on, if you want to mitigate the risk you need to stop.

Wait til you get a scary liver function test?

I am sorry to hear of your friends brother.

An ex of mine has (imo) an alcohol problem (hence him being an ex), but he very vehemently disagrees with this. It's just that he likes alcohol and makes him the life of the party etc etc.

Just after we broke up he told me he'd had his work medical done and was referred to gp. He was put onto meds as was borderline diabetic, cholesterol was too high and some other ailments. But he brushed it off as in he had to agree to the meds to pass the work medical. I asked if the dr asked how many units he drank each day, said no he didn't ask so obvs it's not an issue. So I thought ok then, but I know it is a factor in these now sudden health issues.

It's been a few years now, and he posted a photo of himself on SM a few weeks ago, and I was shocked when I saw it. I thought he'd picked up weight, but as I looked closer he appeared swollen or bloated all over, but the thing that alarmed me the most, is his colouring. He looks jaundiced, like a deep yellow colour.

I suppose it stood out to me as I hadn't seen him in a while. Clearly there has been no change alcohol wise as in the photos he's got a glass in his hand, a dinner photo with a full wine glass and an empty glass in the picture.

So in 3 years he's gone from normal healthy, to diabetic with other health issues to now looking like he has some real visible liver damage.

It's actually quite scary if I look at the timeline. As three years is not a long time really. But in his case, 3 years has had a major impact.

I think people don't realise the effects, until it's too late. Sadly some don't realise the effects even after it's too late.

As others have pointed out, it can do damage that you can’t see until it becomes a serious issue.

Do other people feel the same way about your drinking? My BIL would probably describe himself in similar terms to you, in reality he’s a PITA when he’s been drinking.

Have a listen to any podcast that features Andy Ramage. He didn’t have an issue either but just started to wonder what life would be like without the alcohol. He’s very positive and inspiring.

The short answer is you don't.

You don't want to and you don't feel as though alcohol impacts on you or others around you. No amount of knowing its bad for you or the damage it will/can/has caused will make a difference. Smokers are not oblivious to the harm of cigarettes. Substance users are equally aware of the risks. People reduce/stop because they want to.

If you don't feel as though you have a problem either physically or emotionally you may find it harder to reduce. I like cake. I eat too much cake. I know it's bad for me and I am overweight but right now I'm still active and don't have any obvious health problems associated with my weight. Ultimately I'm not ready to give up cake. It's a similar thing.

I recently read the book by Adrian Chiles, which is about him moderating his intake. He was someone who drank a lot, but like you, did that socially and it didn't seem to have a major impact. However a scan showed damage to his liver that blood tests didn't pick up. I found it a very good read, very thought provoking and non judgemental. One the thing that really struck me was the statistic about how many people drink under the government guidelines every week. Helpfully I can't remember the exact stat but it was really high and I was really shocked. I think I assumed the majority of people drank more than that, certainly a lot of my acquaintances do, so it sort of normalised that level of drinking.
I had drunk over those guidelines for years but this year did Dry Jan and since then I've cut out the relatively mindless drinking, the Friday night wine because it's Friday etc etc. I still drink but only when I'm out or with others and even then it's much less. I feel way better for it and crucially I'm sleeping so much better.
Fundamentally it has to come from you though, so if the driver isn't there at the moment, it'll be hard. Maybe, as others have suggested, cut back in the week/take a month off and just see how it makes you feel. It may surprise you.

I am not sure how old you are OP , or how much you drink? . Many years ago I used to drink way over the recommended amounts and like you I could afford it and I liked drinking wine in the evening . I cut down as I realised it wasnt healthy ( and was a waste of money ) and although I till enjoy wine I have been drinking moderately ever since . I am reading this forum as a friend, who was drinking about the same as me at that time, has just completed a medical detox . It just increased over time until she was physically addicted and seriously affected her health and her life .

Thanks All! There's some great insight and thoughts here. And some good reading/listening options.

I'm 50. I

I have done a month off here and there for different reasons. Each time I've been pissed off that I didnt lose weight, sleep better, or have glowing skin etc. How cruel is that?! 🤣

I overplayed the pros and underplayed the cons in my op on purpose to make the question more stark. I do want to reduce my drinking. Mostly in the morning when I step on the scales 🤣 But by the evening when the working day is done that motivation isn't as strong.

I don't think I'd be alone in saying that knowing something isn't healthy is quite hard in terms of motivation. "Out of sight, out of mind"? I'm sure if I grew a huge blue wart for every glass of wine the motivation would be stronger 🤣

Skipping a long story involving professional counselling, I know I'm not an alcoholic. But that doesn't make my habit ok or healthy. I know that.

I have diagnosed ADHD. I am aware I use wine as a tool to turn off my whizzing brain. Again, still not ok. Just something that makes life in general harder.

I had a general private wide range blood test a few moths ago for another reason. My liver test part was fine. But enlarged red blood cells one of the reasons I believe is alcohol related. (Pics)

Ok. I've got some thinking to do. I need to tip things away from how I FEEL come 6pm and fancy a glass of wine closer to what I KNOW.

It’s just habitual. Dh and I were the same we don’t drink on weeknights except for special occasions but enjoy our wine at weekends.

Same as you OP.

things that have helped is using the Drinkaware app.
drinking sentía - really good. You have to want the sentía to work, treat it like a spirit and it will.
Doing dry jan and then having three days off a week.

but I still drink 40 units a week. Which isn’t great at all, but am healthy in every other regard. Soooooo trying to cut down slowly by not drinking unless I am really enjoying it

https://sentiaspirits.com/

You need to break the routine that has you in a place to have a drink at 6pm every night.

I could easily be you btw, I really enjoy wine. What stops me: having to drive in the morning (I won’t drink at all if I do); the calories (600 calories in a bottle of wine btw!); the snacking I will do that adds more calories; and trying to think about the long term both health wise and with things I want to do.

I don’t know if that’s any help? When lockdown started I found it really easy to slip into “just a couple” every night and had to consciously choose to stop that even though I didn’t have to drive to work etc. There is an element of mind over matter…