AF for two weeks - it’s amazing!

[Teacherteachernotapreacher]

Really wanted to get and post on here as never ever thought I’d do this. Have always been a big drinker and from a family of big drinkers. Realised two weeks ago that I was spending my week (as I don’t drink in the week) just waiting to drink. Then drinking and spending all weekend feeling rubbish and struggling through the days.
Haven’t bothered for two weeks and waking up without a hangover is a revelation.
we had family over last night and I was nervous about it just had non-alcoholic beer and had a great night. Slight hitch when asked why I wasn’t drinking wine they’d brought round and just said I felt rubbish so wasn’t keen. No issue.
I’m aiming for two more weeks at first but have a sneaky feeling it might stick. Worried about other nights out planned especially with new friends as I’ve always relied on drink to feel part of the crowd ans like I’m ‘in’ but also a bit excited to drive!
if I can do it, so can you!
I read the alcohol experiment last week and that was really helpful and I keep referring back to it at night.

I’m aiming for two more weeks at first

why not just aim forever?

I feel like I need smaller targets right now. I’m worried about bigger events - wedding coming up, Christmas, family party - where there’s always an expectation of joining in and it’s a bit daunting contemplating them right now.
but then forever doesn’t feel unattainable either. Just big. If that makes sense?

Absolutely and good on you

I do think that you need to start being honest with family

Those unsupportive - well not worth socialising with in any event

Good for you. Waking up with a clear head is wonderful

Like you, I was a big drinker and I got sick and tired of it. I took a month off the booze, by far the longest time I had been sober as an adult! It was life changing. I did start drinking again, but a fraction of the amount I had been drinking before. That was over ten years ago, and I've never gone back to anything like the levels I used to drink at.

So do your two more weeks and then see how you go. That month off may well reset your whole relationship with alcohol. You might decide to ditch it, or you might still have a drink but as a choice rather than just a habit. Enjoy!

Well done OP. I'm aiming for a dry May and then see what happens. I did dry January and felt so much better but have slipped back into old habits. Had a night out last night and have a big hang over today so that has strengthened my resolve, but I'd already decided before I was doing it in May.

Well done on 2 weeks, I'm nearly at 3 weeks. I managed to wing it last night on AF wine and no-one knew (I was hosting at home so that made it do-able) but like you I'm anxious about events coming up especially a music festival in 2 weeks with 2 friends both big drinkers - there will be nowhere to hide and feels like I'm putting a downer on the evening not drinking. It's stressing me out - I can't not go as I organised it!

I'm not trying to highjack your thread but I'm looking for advice for me (us) to deal with this anxiety!

@Chardonnaygoaway - I hear you! I have a terrible binge drinking problem and really am on my last “last chance” before I lose everything.

DH and I have some really big drinkers in our social group (a fair few I can now see are alcohol dependent/“functioning alcoholics”) and it is part of the reason my drinking got out of hand - ironically I hate being around drunk people so I drank to excess to get drunk to cope with others being drunk (but I then also started getting wasted on my own etc).

I’ve just survived a week all inclusive holiday with them where there was drinking from waking to bedtime. But there were also lots of things going on at the resort that I could take myself off to and I could just go to bed when it got too much as we were all on site. So it wasn’t too bad.

However - we’ve got another city break coming up and that worries me as if we are out at night, I can’t just toddle off back to bed/the hotel as we will be in a strange place and it might not be safe. I won’t drink but it could be a bit shit for me with them all getting drunk. But i will just remind myself that no matter how bad the night is, it will never be as bad as waking up after a bender feeling mentally and physically crushed.

a music festival sounds a challenge and I understand you feel like you could kill the vibe so to speak by not joining in with the drinking - the promotion of alcohol as the road to a great time is part of the reason why there are so many problem drinkers!

how close are these friends? I would say your options are either to be completely up front and say you are taking a break from alcohol then move the convo straight on to “but I’m so looking forward to this festival” - if you could handle it/felt comfortable, you could even bring some drinks for them with alcohol free versions for yourself eg “I’m taking a break from the booze but look, I’ve got some G&Ts for us all” only yours are AF. After a few, they probably won’t even notice.

telling porkies is always controversial but you could use the “I’m on medication and can’t drink but I’ve got myself some fab mocktails and it won’t stop me enjoying myself”.

I think the main thing is how you deliver the “not drinking” message - being upbeat about it rather than doom and gloom type thing.

It’s easy for people to say “you need to change your friends” etc but it’s not that easy in real life. Good luck ❤️

Wow, well done on a week AI holiday with big drinkers! Thanks so much for your reply, v helpful in setting out my options. They are both close friends and the venue has said we can't bring in alcohol (but hopefully it will have some good AF options). I like the medication idea and the positive message. I agree however bad the day / night is it won't be as bad for me mentally as the next day (s) if I do drink. Also I find once I've done a certain situation once AF it's so much easier the next time.

Yes I don't want to change my friends - really like the ones I have! Thanks and good luck for the city break ❤

Not hijacking at all! You’ve articulated my fears for future events better than I can.
I don’t want to be the Debbie downer of the group and know it’ll be an odd thing. However, it was just brushed over when I said it yesterday and swiftly moved on so hopefully that’ll be the case going forward.
ironically it’s my closest family I’m concerned about - my mum and step dad are big big drinkers and won’t get it at all and have always been very critical of my choices generally.
typing it makes me wonder why I care what they think really.
but I do too 😬

Well done you! I've just done 1 month which I'd have thought would be impossible but I've felt amazing too! Then I had 3 drinks the other night and I felt awful - anxiety and no motivation or energy the next day. Its definitely proven to me I function so much better without it.

Oh sssh, unhelpful. As op says day by day, or week by week.... Some people do it hour by hour.

Well done op. I've cut down my booze consumption drastically (compared to what it was!) as gearing up for fertility treatment but have drunk the last few nights. Not hugely but a few drinks as friends visiting and feel crappy and have slept terribly. But I need to get back on it as I'm starting a new round of IVF in a few weeks and want to be in the best shape I can be, so I'll join you!! Only difficulty being I go on holiday for a week tomorrow. I'd usually drink all day every day but am going to use it as a bit of a detox. No booze, long walks, good books, good sleep.

Well done op and pps you should be proud of yourself.

Yes that's it exactly being the Debbie Downer and "that" person, however we probably are over-thinking and as you say people move on (and most don't really care)

That's tricky re your Mum and Step Dad - however my Mum (one glass a couple of times a year) said to me "took you long enough, you knew it was bad for you! And my brother said "once your menopause is over you can go back to the wine" (wrong on so many levels!). So it's hard when you don't get support from your nearest and dearest but I keep going with support from strangers on Instagram the sober community (I wouldn't have believed this myself 3 weeks ago!)

It’s funny as I think drinking is such a big part of my persona and being able to hold my own that I’m not quite sure who I’ll be socially without it. Which as a grown woman, I can see objectively is ridiculous. But I’ve been that person since I started drinking as a young teen.
I think my mum will see it as a criticism of her choices and be nasty as a form of defence. And I know this but know it’ll still be hard to deal with.

@Chardonnaygoaway @Teacherteachernotapreacher I've been on/off (mostly off) alcohol for 3 years now. I've been to many events in that time and really no one notices if you aren't drinking alcohol. I was a HUGE drinker and I also thought it defined part of my personality. Turns out it doesn't need to.

The last wedding we went to at our table lots of people asked for AF beer/ coke etc and turned down the wine.

I wouldn't be saying about medication personally. Just 'I'm taking a break from the booze' always seems to be enough for me! For a whole host of reasons many people don't think.

With your mum/ step dad. It very well could be that they will think you not drinking is a reflection on them. But try not to let it bother you. Easier said than done I know.

Very important rule - don't blab the next day. Being AF doesn't make you a downer at all. Telling people they made a tit of themselves because you are suddenly holier than holy makes you very unlikable.

Thanks alco - I read this when you posted and forgot to post back.
but I’ve returned in the hope someone sees this and it helps. Still af
mum here this weekend and I’m just back from a night out with friends. So two challenging set ups. And I debated drinking at both.
mum - appeared with bottle of gin for me and managed to dodge having any by being busy then have an af beer which she didn’t know was af. She was too half cut on gin to notice anyway.
night with friends - dreaded this but had such a good night! People only noticed I was af when I offered them a lift home and they were surprised.
am so bloody excited by this. Can’t wait to not have a hangover tomorrow. So pleased to have enjoyed the night. Feel really empowered right now. And still have friends even tho I wasn’t pissed. Amazing!

'People only noticed I was af when I offered them a lift home and they were surprised.
am so bloody excited by this. Can’t wait to not have a hangover tomorrow'

Another great thing about not drinking - being able to get in the car and drive yourself home! I guess that's the best way to stay sober - knowing all the great things about it instead of focusing on what you are 'missing'. Well done you 👍

Hi, I hope that you don't mind if I pop onto the thread for a bit. @Teacherteachernotapreacher I think that you and I are roughly at the same stage - I haven't had any alcohol since 15th April. It started as just having a break but actually has given me space to properly look at my drinking and I've just carried on. Your post about your night last night really resonated. One of my big fears with socialising was that people would notice and then I'd have to explain and there would be a lot of "but your drinking's fine" (it wasn't). However, to my astonishment, people don't notice, they're far too involved in their own drinking. I've been taking tins of Gordon's AF G&T to parties and they look exactly the same as the alcoholic version with a tiny 0% written on them.In fact, I had to get my daughter to check that they really are AF. Like you I find that when I pick up my car keys at the end of the night, everyone has assumed that I've been drinking. Enjoy your hangover-free Sunday!

PLEASE give me inspiration. I can go a few days then break. And I love the AF days too, so what's up with me.

Yup driving was amazing as taxis are proper awkward where we are.
I don’t know about inspiration but what I’ve found really interesting is now less tired I am. I didn’t ever really drink much but it must have been affecting my sleep. I’d be shattered at the e start of the week but now not at all. Bags more energy and no low mood swings.

I’ve not tried anything other than 0% beer so will have to find the gins!
I can’t commit fully but currently really can’t imagine bothering with a drink again. Doesn’t really bring much to my life I’ve decided.

@Seeleyboo one thing that’s helped me is when offered a drink or hitting the time I’d have one, I just take something else and think - if I still want that wine or beer in 30 mins then I’ll have it. And generally I’ve forgotten by then or I’m not bothered.
ive never set out with the intention of this being a big thing or forever either - just aimed for each event or weekend and thought - I’ll just see how I go. And no biggie if I don’t either

I’m also intermittently reading the alcohol experiment. You’re meant to read it each day I think but I just read it occasionally. It’s quite good for picking apart why we drink and what we’re thinking about around social occasions/enjoying alcohol etc

@Teacherteachernotapreacher no one does notice usually. Well in my experience anyway. I must look up that book. I bought the AA books years ago but never read them!

@Seeleyboo I find trying to 'play the movie to the end (song, story, video, tape). Is that going to be what you want? Will you regret the hang over? For me, will it stop at that 1 night of a few glasses?

What I did (from big drinker to AF overnight) was have a cover story for a while to cover the surprise when I wasn't guzzling wine from the minute I arrived somewhere, but I very quickly didn't need it any more, and now I just don't drink. I said that I had been feeling below par and wasn't sleeping so was cutting out booze and caffeine in the hope of sorting it out. After a while, people I usually socialise with stopped asking if I wanted wine and now always offer soft drinks, and 'new' people just accept that I don't drink (lots of people don't). Nobody cares. A couple of less 'boundaried' people have asked why I stopped, and I just go back to the original story and say that I'd realised that I didn't miss the booze so didn't see the point of it any more. Mostly the response is that they wish they could do the same. They could - it was a lot easier than I expected - but I don't go into preacher mode, I just shrug and say 'well, if I can do it. . .' and change the subject.

I do understand the feelings of fear about things like holidays, Big Nights Out and dancing - they can seem impossible without a drink, particularly when everyone else is drinking a lot, but they really are doable. It's best not to overthink it - just go as usual, but ask for a softie. That's all there is to it. There is a saying about being sober meaning you give up one thing and can have everything else, but being a drunk means that you have one thing and give up everything else, and there is a lot of truth in it.

@ShyMaryEllen ""There is a saying about being sober meaning you give up one thing and can have everything else, but being a drunk means that you have one thing and give up everything else, and there is a lot of truth in it.""

There is so so much truth in that. If I had, had a few glasses of wine on Saturday night I would not have had the day I did yesterday. I was woken at 4am by a teething toddler. Settled him back. Got up for the day about 7am. We had a lovely day at the park, meet some family, then had (if I do say so myself) fab Sunday roast. Even 2 glasses of wine in the evening would have made me feel so sluggish the next morning and I really wouldn't have wanted to be woken at 4am!