Husband has huge problem I want to help

[Confusedmaa]

I really don't know where to start. This all might seem a bit confused but I'm just going to type things as I go.

My DH is an alcoholic. We don't talk about it but I know he realises that he is too. He drinks lager every evening and has done for a very long time. He never seems drunk. He cooks all our meals and cleans the kitchen afterwards. Holds down a busy stressful job. He is very good at what he does. We have a laugh together and a lot of the time things are good. We have normal conversations most of the time. He never has a hangover (yes I realise that it's because he is tolerant to alcohol now). He is an amazing dad to our DC. Is always really hands on etc. I really want to help him but I can't talk to him about it. Now things are starting to get more and more strained. The weekends are getting to the point where I really don't want to be around him. He picks arguments and can contradict himself in one sentence. He blames me for most being a nag. He has very low self esteem and thinks he is "shit at everything", his words. After reading many of the threads on here I really should leave him. But I don't want to at all. He is the love of my life. We've been together since I was 16 so nearly 30 years. I can't imagine my life without him. We talk a lot about the future and things we'll do, places we'll go to and plans we have for the house etc. I realise that we probably don't have a future ie. he'll either die or things will get worse and I'll leave him.
Is leaving him my only option?

Would he read any quit lit? There are loads of books out there now about changing your relationship with alcohol. Alcohol Explained by William Porter is often mentioned as a good one for men to read as it a more factual look at alcohol and what it does.

Where are you getting that definition of alcoholism from, @GarlicGrace ? I thought it is more usual to frame it in terms of dependency these days.

Here is the NHS question system used, if you want to be sure that it is problem drinking (which it is).

assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1113178/Fast-alcohol-use-screening-test-FAST_for-print.pdf

Sorry to hear about your dh. My dh is the same he drinks a red bottle of wine a night and he doesn't think its a problem. Except he can't go without and it's every night. You can't fix him. He must want to do it himself. I won't leave my dh, he's not abusive to me or the kids but I do leave him to it. We sleep in separate bedrooms and we have fulfilling lives albeit we each have our own hobbies.

He has to be the one searching for help here, not you. All you can do is tell him that you're close to having had enough of this way of living, and it's in his hands to either carry on as he is or make some changes. But do go to Al-Anon and get support for yourself.

I've seen both of my uncles go through this - with one it was whisky, the other it was lager. And everyone said oh lager's not a problem, but he was the uncle that died first. Don't underestimate the damage this is doing to his body.

Man here. Sounds like a tough situation and underlying MH issues certainly not helping

@Crake1792 everyone listen up. A man has spoken.